feeling low and other thoughts

Feeling low and other thoughts

My mood tanked big time today and I don’t know why. I had massive psychache followed by increased suicidal thoughts, which appeared totally out of the blue. I posted them on Twitter as I was just fed up with it. Next thing I know, Twitter sends me an email saying someone reported me out of concern for my safety. WTF. I have no idea who did it but I wrote a tweet to stay off my timeline. Don’t know if that will be effective but at least it is out there.

I don’t understand why talking about being depressed and suicidal without intent is troubling to other people. Maybe I am jaded to it. I could see if I posted ya, I am suicidal and I just took x amount of pills, good bye. But I didn’t. If you read the thread, you can see it was just out of frustration I was writing. I was fearful my account would be suspended but it wasn’t, thank god. I have heard people getting suspended for posting their thoughts when they were not going to act. I understand why people react that way but it still is aggravating to deal with and I think shuts people down so they don’t have a voice online to say what they feel, especially those with mental illness.

I watched a movie and my mood got a little better. All over Twitter there were reports of a kidnapping of a 7 month old baby taken at knife point. That and of course the orange buffoon because he can’t shut his trap for one day. Now he wants to pardon himself. Idiot. If he didn’t do anything wrong, why would there be reason to pardon himself?? I am NOT saying by any means he is innocent but that just screams guilty to me. Mueller needs to hurry the fuck up.

I didn’t do anything today. I thought about going to Walgreens to get my prescription but I just couldn’t bother. I didn’t want to go out in the rain. The temps have been really cool today. I took my night meds early because I kept cramping between my back and ankle. I didn’t want to take 2 mg of Ativan so just took my meds early. There is no Sox game tonight as they are off. Around 4 I was looking at my Twitter timeline trying to find the lineup when I realized they were off.

I finally finished 1984 today. The last 6% was all bullshit or short stories of other stuff the author wrote. That bugs me because I don’t care. When the author says “The End” that should be it!! I am going to try and read Brother Karamazov now. I have about 200 pages or so. Should be fun. I was hoping to get some reading done this weekend but it never happened because of pain.

any thoughts?

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