27 Aug 18

27 Aug 18

I am taking the bus three fricken hours before my appointment and I still don’t have time to write in my journal after I get my drink and maybe some food at Starbucks. I have like maybe a half hour. Damn bus is just not coming at the time I need it to. I don’t want to leave earlier because then it will be too early.

I just dealt with a massive amount of rudeness on the T today, particularly with the buses. I am a courteous person. I let people get off the bus before I enter. But others are not so courteous. On to my therapist’s office, a lady stood in front of the bus where I couldn’t pass except to the side of her. I could have tripped on the way out. I fucking hate that. My biggest pet peeve. Then on the ride home, two bikers rode by prohibiting me from getting on my bus. There are not to be any bikes on the sideway busway. I was so pissed. I made the bus but I swore if I missed it I was going to knock them down or something. I am seriously going to carry my cane as I think that will send the message I am not a fucking “normal” person. Obviously, the two braces aren’t doing shit!! But then, who looks at people’s feet when boarding bus/train? I sent a message to the T police and T. I didn’t get a response. I didn’t swear either, though I really wanted to.

Therapy went okay. I am still frustrated with everything. I have no idea if talking about things is helpful or not. My therapist has a sense of humor that is dryer than mine, which makes me laugh. We didn’t talk about anything except my pain and my anxiety of the upcoming wedding and concert in Sept. He tried to get me to talk when I was silent but I am so good at deflecting that it goes nowhere. Half the time, I just blank out.

I had bought some CRPS keychains a couple months ago and they came today. They are pretty cool. I love them. I might give one to my PT. I haven’t decided yet. I am not looking forward to PT as I haven’t done the exercises. I have been too busy and in too much pain. Plus I have been doing a lot of walking so that has to count as something (walking around the house that is, not outside. I’d be dead). I am still waiting for my CRPS shirt. The trouble is, I ordered this stuff from the UK group I am in. Things are slow and I understand because pain is a bitch. I have sent books out before I got the money for it and then never received the money. I will not make that mistake again. But now I have paypal so that will help, I hope. I’ve never used it before for sending payment but other people have sent me money or I have sent them money. Seems like a good service. As long as I remember my password…

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