Hot and humid and feeling exhaustipated

Hot and humid and feeling exhaustipated

(note, I “stole” pic from twitter so might be taken down)

I thought the weather was going to be cooler, but I guess maybe tomorrow that starts. I had a rough time getting up. I woke up before my med alarm and I had all the intention of taking my meds but I didn’t until two hours later. I got up after I took them. My legs felt like jelly and within a few minutes, my back was cramping from standing. This didn’t bode well. I left my room to enter a steaming oven. This wore me out even before I got to the bottom of the stairs. I figure I would shave and shower. This took so much energy. My back get cramping and I was grateful the seat in the shower was for that, sitting, not a storage for shower things. I had to sit at least three times. Then one more after I dried off. I didn’t bother with clothes as it was too hot and I was sweating by the time I got back to my cold room.

I didn’t have too much time to rest on my bed. I cooled off as much as I could in the time I had. Then I got dressed. I had no idea what to wear. I couldn’t find the shorts I wanted to wear and what I wanted to wear needed to be washed. That sucked because my mother just did laundry yesterday. I would have to wait till the hamper was full again. I had spiked my hair after I showered because I wanted to see what it looked like. It was too short but doable. It looked ok. I used a cream thing rather than gel. Gel probably would have been better. I will use that for the wedding next week. I gathered my stuff and then went downstairs. I put on my socks and the brace for the sprain. Then went to the kitchen to get my cup and my mother needed something mailed. I didn’t want to go out. But I did anyways.

The bus was fricken late. I didn’t get to Starbucks until 1220. The bus left the station at 1137 and came around noon. It didn’t leave me much time to eat and write. I actually didn’t write as all. By the time I was done eating and catching up on social media and the game (Sox were playing at noon), it was time to go. I left for the train and my legs just did not want to move. I labored to the station. My hip felt like it was frozen. The heat was unbearable. I was just miserable. The stuffiness inside the station didn’t help. I rested for a bit before the next train came. I thought there was some kind of delay as the time thing said the train was “stopped.” Then the announcement came over saying the train was “one stop away.” That was new. No idea when the bozos came up with that junk. Kind of freaked me out a little thinking I would be late for my appointment even though I left early. I got off at my stop and waited for the bus that would take me to my therapist’s office. It is a 10 minute walk but in the heat and to conserve energy, I just been taking the bus, which is two stops away.

Therapy went well. I need to “be more angry”. I laughed. It just seemed really funny because it was so damn obvious. I don’t show my anger that often and when I do, I often cry because it scares me or I am too frustrated and angry and I just sob and shake. We ended up talking about the one time I beat my sister up and then I basically shoved my feelings up, never to be seen again. I know I fell into a depression but I couldn’t be beating someone up when I got bad. I felt horrible that I hurt my sister. I felt like a monster. I left the house that day and didn’t want to return. I hid at my solace place. I remember my friend and other sister were looking for me. I just hid. I didn’t care about going home. Home life sucked and I didn’t care. I just resolved never to show feelings again. Hence why I am in therapy and I have a disconnect.

I left his office and couldn’t walk back to the station. I waited for the bus. I had to walk to the elevator, which was kind of hard. I really had to hit the button a few times because it just wasn’t working. I didn’t want to go down the stairs. It is hard with two braces on. With the extra time that I took with taking the bus back, I didn’t think I would catch the bus home. Luckily, the bus was a few minutes late. I went to the pharmacy to pick up my scripts. I thought I was going to die. There was an elderly couple in front of me and they were taking forever and another customer waiting. My back was killing me. When I got my things, I had to take a rest at the bus stop for a few minutes. I was dying from the heat and knew it was only going to be worse when I got in my house. I got the mail and it was hotter than hell in the house. I just wanted to be with my AC. My sister had some salad and spinach thing but I wasn’t hungry. I just dropped my things and went to my room to turn on the AC. I then ate once I was cold.

I hope I don’t have pain tonight. I put on a lido patch on my thigh as a preventative. I put diclofenac on last night. It helped some as well. Nice to know I have a few things to use. I can alternate. I am so tired. But I saw this pup with his head tilted and my heart melted. Puppeh, you can have whatever you desire, LOL (I know I have a blind follower, I don’t know what kind of doggie he/she is, maybe an English bulldog, brown with a black snout and pointed ears) I am a sucker for head tilts…

any thoughts?

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