I hate being sick!

I hate being sick!

The UTI advanced to my kidneys. I am hurting big time but I think I caught it in time. I keep spiking a fever so I am not sure the worst is behind me yet. This year has been awful as it has been for a lot of people. I had to cancel my PT appointment and should have cancelled therapy but I didn’t and now I regret it. She is a good therapist but I don’t think she is for me. I have been seeing her for a year and I think that is my usual goodbye practice. I seem to stay with someone for a year and then we end, though usually it is on the therapist’s part. I was feeling out of it when I was talking with her so I think it was probably a good idea to cancel but I didn’t and now I am left with feelings. I don’t see her again till next week. I am not going to dare ask for another session this week. I still feel like she wants to get rid of me. I think she wants me to bring it up. I just can’t shake the feeling. I will try and bring it up next week when I talk with her next. I might ask my psychopharm about how to go about it. She may have some thoughts. I could be totally wrong but my gut is telling me something isn’t right with therapy. I am not sure how to fix it. Maybe it is me and I can’t be helped. I think I am too hopeless.

I rescheduled my PT appointment and I have it this Thursday. I hope I am feeling better by then. My back is spasming right now and it hurts so much. I hate when it gets like this. There is nothing I can really do for it except to take muscle relaxers then wait for them to work.

I keep spiking a low grade fever. I feel it coming on because my head will hurt. I don’t know if the back spasms have anything to do with the fever. Probably not. But I am hurting and I hate it. I swear the UTIs are getting worse each one I get. I don’t know what the solution is other than not cathing. That is a cause of the infection. But I can’t completely stop cathing because my bladder still is finicky and needs to be cathed at times. It is slowly becoming more a nuance than a help. I try to be so careful but apparently I am not careful enough. I might have to start using gloves and see if that helps.

Okay that is all for today. I need to go lay down. Back is killing me. ☹