Category: baseball

Another good game day

by Midnight Demon, posted in baseball, Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, college football, depression, mood disorders

Another good game day

Before the games started, I decided to walk to Dunkins to get some donuts. I barely made it there and knew I couldn’t walk back. I got my donuts and then crossed the street to catch the bus home. The box they put the donuts in was flimsy and I almost dropped my delicious sweetness a few times but didn’t. My ankle is now killing me and I have been trying to stay off it but watching the games made it difficult to do.

I part watched/listened to the Sox game. They won 6-5. I was switching channels because the Huskers game was on during the last few innings and I didn’t want to miss big plays. Once the college football game went to halftime I went up to my room to really rest my ankle. It was really hurting me. I took some pain meds and decided to just catch the tweets of the game. Then when Oregon caught up to the Huskers, I had to watch the 4th quarter. I went to my mother’s bedroom and watched while putting my feet up on her bed. She has an adjustable bed so I just kicked back and really put my foot up, least until the last 2 minutes of the game. The Huskers were up by 3 points and Oregon had the ball. Luckily, due to penalties, they were 3 and 20, then went 4 and 18 and didn’t make it. I loved it. Huskers won 35-32. It was a very good game!

My OSU game has been delayed due to weather and won’t start until 2100 EST. I don’t know if I am going to stay up and watch the game. I am pretty beat and the pain meds are making me groggy. I also want to try and finish the book I started last night, “that was then, this is now”. I was reading it before my trip to Dunkin and was also reading it early this morning when I woke up in pain and couldn’t go back to sleep right away. It’s a good book. Reading does make me tired though.

I texted my therapist a few times today, just giving her updates on how I am doing with dealing with the pain. I emailed my psychiatrist last night about calling a CBT place Monday. I was hoping to get a response but haven’t yet. I have decided to try this form of therapy for pain management. If it doesn’t work or I get denied due to my suicidal history, I will just end things. I really don’t know what else to do. I can’t go on living like this and I told my psychiatrist this. I also told her I haven’t been taking too much of the trilafon because I kept on forgetting to take the afternoon dose. I usually take it a couple of hours after I am awake but it’s been slipping my mind so I just been taking the night time dose. Part of the reason I have been forgetting is because I usually fall asleep in the afternoon because my sleep has been terrible and I am tired. I have no structure so I have nothing to do but catch up on sleep.

There is a medical conference going on at Stanford and there was a chronic pain patient who told her side of the story about chronic pain patients. Here is the video from that conference:

I find it relieving that someone understands what I am going through and the hassles of going to doctor’s appointments just to get pain medication. She also talks about being undertreated and being awake at 2 in the morning. I swear she was talking about me and my struggle. She didn’t go into the suicidality of things but I am sure the thought has crossed her mind more than once.

Sunday Blog 19

by Midnight Demon, posted in baseball, Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

I woke up in the early morning, again, to tinkle and then I was hit with pain when I came back to my room. Then a few hours later, I woke up in pain. I took some more pain meds and that was my morning. I had two dreams with food in them because I was hungry. I had wanted to make breakfast when my med alarm went off but I just went back to sleep. It’s been a frustrating day.

My mother made fried eggplant and had some bread leftover. I love this. All it is is breadcrumbs with egg, fried till the egg cooks and it is so good. I sometimes love having it more than the eggplant or chicken that my mother makes. I also had a smores pop tart because that is what I wanted. I was thinking about making eggs and toast but I couldn’t be bothered. I made coffee and am trying to enjoy it as I write this blog.

I had a dream about my father and his sister. We were over her house and dinner was being prepared. Every time I went to eat my meal or something, I got distracted with my father’s incessant need for attention. Then when I went back to my plate, it had been cleared away. I was getting mad because I kept fixing a plate and then it was taken away from me. I couldn’t even eat in my dream!

As I was downstairs making coffee, I decided to watch the ball game. Sox were down 6-4 and then they tied it up. Jays were still batting when I left to go to my room because I couldn’t take the heat in the kitchen anymore. By the time I went back upstairs, the Jays scored two runs to make it 8-6. I was pissed. The Sox cannot lose against Toronto because they are battling for first right now with them! Papi just scored a 3 run blast. 10-8 Sox, 6th inning. I feel a little better now but the game is not over yet.

Today is the memorial for 9/11. I have been seeing more pics of the Towers today than I have in the past few years, some have videos attached of that tragic day. I didn’t watch them because I know I will cry. It’s just a very sad day in American history. That day will be forever etched in my mind. I haven’t turned on the radio today because I don’t want to listen to songs from that time period or songs that reflect the loss. I am just too emotional to hear it. Hard to believe it has been 15 years.

Saturday Blog 62

by Midnight Demon, posted in baseball, Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Saturday Blog 62

I made sliders for dinner. After dinner I was bored so I made sauce. And I am watching the baseball game while it cooks. I made it cook for three hours. It’s nice and thick and smells so yummy. My mother said I should have made a bowl of it. But the bread we have was not fresh and I hate eating stale bread. I will be giving some to my therapist on Tuesday when I see her, that is if my family doesn’t eat it all before then. Last time it went quick and I barely had any left over. But I made a small batch. This time I used 3 cans of tomatoes so it should last a while. I am proud of myself. Making sauce makes me happy because it’s something that I am good at.

After the blog I wrote this morning, I went back to sleep. I woke up around 1 and made some coffee. I thought my mother made both bags of cauliflower last night but she only made 1. So I made the cauliflower. I had some while the biscuits were cooking for the sliders. I then had some more while the biscuits were cooling. I love cauliflower. I can eat it plain, which is typically how I like it.

The baseball game is still going on but I had to get off my foot. I have been sneezing all day because the pollen count is high. I dared to take a shower between innings. Now my ankle and food are mad at me. I am tired so I will be going to bed soon. Next week starts college football and I can’t wait. Luckily Nebraska and OSU are at different times so I can watch both of them. I forget which is the afternoon game and which is the evening game.

I didn’t change my sheets today. I will try again tomorrow. I tried to clear off my bed but didn’t make too much headway with it. The sauce and baseball game kind of took over. I did a lot of cooking today which is why my ankle is hurting me. I am sure tomorrow it will hurt some more. I had to wash my feet because they were black as the ace of spades. I never wear socks or sandals on my feet in the house during the summer time. But they were really dirty as I haven’t take a shower in a few days so I washed them with a facecloth before my shower. My mother yells at me as I leave the dirt on the shower floor. I then have to clean it up but my back was killing me because of cooking and I didn’t want to do it. I wanted most of the dirt off so I can shower without cleaning it. After I showered, I did put on sandals so my feet didn’t get dirty again. By that time, the sauce was done cooking and I could go upstairs to my freezing room. I was having another sneeze attack as I was climbing the stairs. My mother heard me and asked me if I take anything for the pollen. I said I did so I took some Benadryl with the Allegra. I will be sleeping good tonight.

Baseball Blog

by Midnight Demon, posted in baseball, blogging

Baseball Blog

I know I talk more about my mental illness issues more than I do anything else on this blog but baseball holds something very special to me so I thought I would write something as two things, well three, happened today that has me happy, sad, and ecstatic.

The first is the Ichiro hit his 3000 career hit today. That is no small feat. I am happy for him though I am sad because he never won (least to my knowledge) a World Series ring. They are calling him the king of hits because he is in the 3000 club now that very few people have joined over their careers in baseball. I was looking at his spray chart and I was like, unreal. This guy could and did hit the ball anywhere. I have always respected him, even when he was on the bloody Yankees because the guy just demands respect.

The sadness is that the Sox lost and are now three games out of the playoffs. They could have won today but instead, in heartache, Taz gave up two homers that the Sox never recovered from. It didn’t help that they scored three errors and the overpaid starting pitcher was weary and couldn’t find the strike zone and when he did, the batter found a hit off him. He is and never will be my favorite pitcher. I think he is old news and we have him for the next three years paying him $30 million per year. I am disgusted.

The ecstatic news came this morning while I was sleeping. A-Roid (Alex Rodriquez) for those that don’t know the term, has announced his retirement. He cried, the baby. He has sucked all season because he isn’t on PEDs anymore. He is I think, 4 homeruns away from 700. But not that it matters because his steroid use tints his career stats. I never liked him before he became a long term Skankee. That was one of the most paid deals in baseball at the time. He will become an “advisor” to the Skanks, though I really don’t know what that means as he has lost all credibility with the club. I really have no idea who will “look up” to him now that his career is over. The team will be playing in Fenway on Tuesday so we’ll see if he will be playing. His retirement doesn’t start until Friday. I wish it started today!