Category: Bipolar Disorder

made it out today

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Made it out today

Despite waking up in the middle of the night, I was able to get some sleep. My check came in and I quickly spent as I bought groceries and paid bills. I also got the phone accessories from Amazon. I was feeling good, the back pain gone away, so I chanced a shower. It’s cold out so I just had a hot shower. It felt good. Other than my ankle complaining, I had no other pains. I then waited for the next bus, got dressed, and went out the door.

Starbucks has a new steak and egg wrap that I wanted to try so I ordered it with my espresso. After I ate, I wrote in my journal and started falling asleep. I got a coffee as the next bus wasn’t for another hour. The coffee was good. Unfortunately, I was still sleepy. I went to the bus stop and waited for the bus and tried not closing my eyes. When the bus came, I shut my eyes and snoozed until I reached my stop.

I got into my PJs and figure I would rest until 1500 as my delivery was supposed to come around that time. Least that is what I thought. Instead it came around 1230 or so but because our stupid cheap bell doesn’t work, the driver left a note and went on his way. I got a text an hour later saying the delivery didn’t happen and I was so damn mad. There is some kind of battery connection problem with the bell. It’s one of the wireless kinds. I think I got it working now but that doesn’t mean it will stay that way as the battery is loose. So now I need to wait till tomorrow to get my phone. I am not happy.

Ankle has decided to flare up. Between trying to fix the bell and making a sandwich for lunch, I think I overused it. I wish the pain would take a day off. I still haven’t had my nap. I am trying to stay off my feet but my appetite is off the wall today. I really want to go downstairs and have a ring ding. I need something sweet. I really don’t but I want one. I had ordered a doughnut with my wrap but the Starbucks store was out so I never had my sweet fix. My mother is making pork chops for supper. I am trying to be good and not eat anything until then. I can have my ring ding for dessert.

God I am so goddamned pissed at the fucking US Senate right now. They are chickenshits who let the Vice President decide for them that they were too chicken to decide on their own. So around 32 million Americans will lose their health insurance and pay up to $13,000 deductible for care. Prescriptions are NOT covered so many people who have diabetes are shit out of luck. It’s just genocide. Pre-existing conditions are not covered as well. This is a disaster of a plan. Instead of listening to the people, they listened to their wallets. I am so fucking mad. I knew the VP was going to break the “tie”. I knew it was going to come down to that. Everything in the fucking Trump admin has been decided by the VP because of these chickenshits. I would say something really vile right now but it might offend those with abuse histories. The Republican party are all assholes. Did I also mention there is a clause that states that Congress is excluded from this supposed health care bill?? Yeah, the asses put that little touch in so the American people will suffer but they won’t. Fuckers, all of them.

it is after midnight

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

It is after midnight

I woke up a little after midnight as my bladder needed to be emptied. My back pain has leveled off some since I put a heating pad on it. I left it on until my mother went up to bed as I didn’t want to sleep with it on. I felt like that would be too dangerous. When I woke up, I kneaded the area of pain and it hurt more but I think I got the muscle knots out. My ankle is throbbing and burning so I will take some Neurontin to try and go back to sleep.

I am shocked that I slept for only a couple of hours. I was so tired that I could barely keep my eyes open. Now I am wide awake. I hate waking up in the middle of the night. The only pain that I feel is in the “thing” aka my ankle and foot. My back pain is minimal. I am glad. It has stopped raining so that maybe why. I want to go to Starbucks today. They have a new wrap that I want to try. It’s with steak and eggs. I’ve never had it before but I heard that it is good. I need to get out of the house today anyways. I haven’t left the house since Friday. I do need to shower as the last time I did was Thursday. If I get paid today, I think I will get my haircut. I still can’t believe in a week my hair has grown out from where I shaved it. It’s about even with the parts that I didn’t shave. I also need to ask my barber when he will be going on vacation in August. I’d just like to know so I can plan accordingly.

For some reason, I am really thirsty. I keep drinking my powerade. Hope it goes away soon or I will be up all night peeing. My brother in law fixed the drain in the bathroom sink as water was slow to go down. It was clogged with hair and gook. I’m glad I didn’t see it or I would have puked.

I’m going to try and go back to sleep. If not, I will probably write another blog.

feeling like a grump

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Feeling like a grump

I didn’t sleep well last night. I was up every couple of hours due to either my foot or back acting up. The temp dropped another ten degrees and is now raining. I am hurting very bad. My mother kept calling me all morning because she forgot her keys to the house. This is the second day that she has done this. I reluctantly had to get up because my bladder said so. I made coffee to try and wake up. I am just in a grumpy mood because of pain. My back is really bad, the worst it has been in quite some time.

I called a therapy place that I hadn’t heard from in more than a week after filling in their online submission form. I got their voicemail so now I am waiting for a callback. I need to call the dentist so I can get my teeth drilled. I’m kind of nervous to do it because needles and drills always gives me great anxiety when it’s pointed at me.

My check didn’t get deposited today so I didn’t order my groceries and other things. I don’t know why some Mondays it does go in and other times it doesn’t. So weird. I think I will have it tomorrow. I added some sparkling water to my grocery order. I hope I like it. I figure it would be better than tonic.

My mother made asparagus and eggs for supper. I was slightly reach for a slice of cheese and I got cramps in my lower back. This is the worst my back has been in a long time. It’s starting to set off PTSD again. I took an Ativan so hopefully I can take a nap to ease the pain. I took a strong pain pill as my regular one is just not doing anything for my pain. It’s just too severe.

I am thinking of emailing psych again about my back pain as I am getting worried because it isn’t going away. I know this is weather related and once it warms up or stabilizes, I think I will be okay. I don’t think anything major is going on but any time I have back pain like this I tend to freak out.

Got an email saying only one phone was shipped out so I had to call Sprint, again, to make sure two are in the box. There are. I will be getting them soon. The hard part will be to track my niece down to give it to her. I need to wait for the Amazon order to come in first so the phone is protected. I am not giving her an unprotected phone. I am excited to be getting a new phone, even though it will be a pain in the ass the first few days getting used to it. It’s an Android phone but I will have to program it so that all my preferences are there. That can be tricky. Hopefully it won’t be as bad as I think it will be.

Sunday Blog 23 July 2017

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Sunday Blog 23 July 2017

I woke up around 0400 in pain. My back was still hurting but less severe. It was mostly my ankle/foot pain that woke me up. I took my meds and then tried to go back to sleep. I got a text about a half hour later. It was a friend and we chatted for a while and then I drifted off to sleep for about an hour or so. I then took some Neurontin as my foot was burning.

My mother fricken called me around 1000 but I didn’t answer it. I was still sleeping and refused to budge. I woke up a couple hours later. I made coffee as I needed it badly. My mother was home then and she told me why she called. She had left her keys at home. My sister left the back door open for her. I couldn’t help it as I was sound asleep for the most part.

I had breakfast with my coffee. I made a turkey bacon and cheese sandwich. I also had some wheat thins. My appetite was kind of out of control as I was hungry about an hour and a half later. I had some ice cream and then prepared dinner. There was some corn in the fridge and my mother said to cook it. But it was moldy so I had to throw it away. By that time the game was on so I started watching. My mother had taken out some meat sauce to thaw and I was boiling the water for raviolis. My niece wanted some, too, so I took two bags out. It came out good. For the first time, the raviolis didn’t fall apart on me. The ravs really filled me up. I hope that is all I will eat today.

I saw ugly Ricky give up a home run and the Sox didn’t look like their bats were hot today. It was close to the 5th inning so I turned off the tv after I cleaned up and then went to my room. As I got up to put the dishes in the sink, my back creaked on me. I couldn’t stand straight. I was okay after a few minutes. There must be rain coming our way because that is the only time my back acts up. It’s like a switch. It is much cooler today than it has been the past several days. I shut off the AC.

Last night before I went to bed, I tried upgrading my phone and adding a line to my cellphone. I kept on getting errors and it wouldn’t let it go through. I gave up and then tried again when I got up this afternoon. It worked but I had to call Sprint to make sure as I saw only one device in the email. My niece and I will have the new Galaxy S8 phones. I went on Amazon to get the micro cards, screen protectors, and cases for them. It was much cheaper than Sprint. Sprint had a 64 GB micro card for $64. Amazon had the same card for $22. The only reason I did it was so that we can have contact with my niece as she doesn’t have a phone or a job. Her mother was thankful but kind of pissed that I did this as she is not the most responsible person in the world. She is 19. I told her when she does have a job that she is to pay me $40 for the line. I will have to juggle my budget around for the next two months as adding a line is bringing up my bill to $175/month. That is a huge jump. But it will work out, eventually.

Now that I got a new phone, I will need to back up my storage card so I can put it in the new phone. It has most of my music on it, which is what I need it for. I don’t need anything else. I know I had to transfer some app data to my card so I could make room on my phone’s storage. That was a pain because I have over 50 apps to go through individually to transfer the data. I also know it’s going to be a bitch downloading all the apps to the new phone. I’ll worry about it when it comes in.