Category: Bipolar Disorder

Just another painful day

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Just another painful day

The temps jumped twenty degrees so my back didn’t like it at all. I have been in pain since I woke up. I didn’t take anything because I thought just resting it would help. I checked on my niece and then the package from Sprint came. She was having a bowl of cereal. I brought the package to my room and then slept. I didn’t mean to sleep the afternoon away but seeing as I have been up in pain most of the night, I was tired.

My mother woke me up around 1530. I checked to see when the next bus was coming. She was making fish for dinner and I didn’t want that. I wanted a burrito. I should have stayed home but I wanted to take my niece out. I texted her to see if she still wanted to go out and she did. I got dressed and then went downstairs to hurry her up. She was taking forever. Finally, she was ready and we walked to the bus stop. My back was killing me by the time we got there. I gingerly sat down on the bench. It was humid out. We waited for the bus and I thought the age for the bus was 12 and under but it was 11 so I had to pay for my niece.

We both had burritos and it was good. I didn’t have anymore cash on me for the bus so I had to go to CVS to get cash back. We just missed the bus so had to wait for the next one. My niece was like can’t we go to the other stop and I was like no way. My back is not going to make it. It was really hurting by the time we finished dinner.

I had to stop at Walgreens to pick up my prescription and my niece wanted a snack. I gave her the rest of my cash to get it but I also got a chocolate bar. She is too funny. I dropped her home as her mother was there and then went upstairs to my room. I immediately put the AC on. That sucker is not being turned off unless the temps drop again.

I still haven’t opened the package with my phones. I was checking out the screen protector that I bought and it looks like it’s going to be a project. Any protector that needs directions with a glue stick is a project. I’m not looking forward to it but oh well. Sprint has yet to send me the return kit or charge me $400 for the return of the phone. Now that I think of it, I should have just kept the phone and then upgraded my line. Comes out the same. But I am going to take my night meds and deal with it tomorrow. I don’t have the brain power to do it today.

Ramblings 474

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Ramblings 474

Today’s pain is not much different than it has been in the early morning hours. My ankle gave way just as I was having supper. I am in mega pain now. I have been trying to relax all day. I watched the movie Moana as it was free on Netflix. It was a good distraction and I really liked the movie.

It rained today so my back was acting up. It has settled down now but it’s muggy so I have the AC going. I can’t stand humidity at all. I emailed my psych to ask for a refill for the Invega as I would run out before I see her next. It’s ready at the pharmacy but I will pick it up tomorrow. I am hurting too much to walk outside. I am watching my niece tomorrow and was going to take her for lunch but I just got email saying my phones will be delivered tomorrow. I will wait for the delivery and then take her out. We’ll have lunch at Chipotle’s. This is the plan as long as I am not being tortured by my ankle. I just found out that it’s supposed to rain tomorrow and all weekend so I may not go out as planned. My sister will be leaving me cash so maybe I’ll just order pizza and fries for us.

I had taken an Ativan when the pain started to get really bad so I could possibly take a nap. I watched the movie instead and that helped to settle down the pain anxiety I was feeling. I really just want to chop my ankle off. It is so uncomfortable and I hate being so miserable all the damn time. It’s like every day I keep on having severe pain and I just can’t keep up with it. I’ve been taking my meds around the clock and they do work to lower the level of pain but it’s still there all the time. I’m never at a zero. My foot and ankle always tell me it is there. I hate it.

I’m going to try and go to sleep at a decent hour so I don’t wake up in the middle of the night. Think I will take a strong pain med at bedtime and see if that prevents me from waking up in the early morning hours. I need to sleep. There is no baseball game today as they are off. They won yesterday. It was a day game but because I was on the phone most of the day with Sprint, I didn’t watch or listen to it. I just caught the score on Facebook. The rookie had his first major league hit with a homerun. That was sweet. I hope we get good things from him and that management didn’t bring him up too early.

Was going through Twitter and Jason Aldean tweeted his video for his song “Night Train” and it brought back memories of his album. Now I am listening to it. I love these songs. I think this was the last Jason Aldean album that I bought. The rest of his songs are just individually purchased.

I am to take my night meds in about an hour. I will take the strong pain pill then. I need to try and get this pain under control. I know it is sometimes an uphill battle because all it takes is movement or a touch to set off my pain. It is so frustrating. I need to take a shower but it’s not happening tonight. Maybe tomorrow morning. My pain levels tend to be lower in the morning than any other time of day, not always but usually. If I have severe pain in the morning, it doesn’t bode well for a good day.

The pain group coordinator’s office staff called me to set up an appointment. It’s in October. Lovely. My October schedule seems to be getting filled. I see my PCP, the new neuro, and now this coordinator. I don’t know why I have to have a new intake when I saw her a few months ago. The only thing new is that I am seeing a therapist, which was her requirement before I went to the group. I don’t really care. The way that things are going, I might not be around come October so it doesn’t really matter.

Midnightdemon Blog 27 July 2017

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Midnightdemon Blog 27 July 2017

I woke up a little after 0130 in pain. It felt like someone was grabbing my foot and trying to squeeze the crap out of it. I took some more Neurontin and my pain meds. I was able to talk with a couple members of the CRPS group on Facebook. It was nice that I was being heard and understood. I don’t know why my pain is so bad these days. It doesn’t seem to take much for it to set it off. I swear when I took off my sock on my bad foot, it set it off.

I think I finally did the ordering for my upgrade and the additional line. The customer service order department wiped out the order and the phone that I received, I have to return. Seems kind of silly that I need to return the new phone to get a new phone. But whatever. As long as I don’t have to pay for three phones a month, I will be happy. Right now, the cancellation hasn’t gone through as the woman said my bill will be $400 until my return is processed. She is sending me the return kit. Right now because I had to do two orders, my account has a negative balance from the payments. It was so tiring to be on the phone with them. I swear it was all afternoon as I was just put on hold for most of the time. I hope the issue is resolved and I’m not paying a shitload next month.

I really love the CRPS UK group on Facebook. The people there are so kind and willing to help you out in anyway they can. I give back when I can. Some of the posts I can’t respond to because they are UK related, like disability keys and other admin from NHS or the government. But I can relate to pain posts and support those people. I love that everyone tries to help and responds to the posts. I have really gotten along with the founder of the group. She is so great. We were talking and I told her about how I was going to change my name to GC eventually. She was understanding and supportive.

I know I am going to have a shitty day because I am up in the middle of the night. I am not planning on going out at all. I want to rest my foot as much as possible. Sadly, I overspent and I don’t have much money to go on the cruise. I wanted at least $80 and I think I have like half that after all my bills are paid. I can’t touch my account until Friday. I wanted to get a haircut but it doesn’t seem like that is going to happen. I look like a Chia pet, my hair is just sprouting all out because it is growing like a weed. The parts that I have shaved before my admission to the hospital has grown out and is now even with the parts I didn’t shave. My hair grows so fast. I might have to withdraw from my savings if I don’t have enough cash on me.

There has been a lot of talk about transgender yesterday because the Orange Cheeto said they can no longer serve in the US military. Basically, it is because it “costs too much”. But yet they spend money on Viagra which is more expensive than the hormone therapy. I am very pissed off. I am so tired of the Cheeto not making good on his “promises” in his campaign and then has stupid rallies like he is still running for president. The guy is so deluded it’s not funny. It’s so sad that Congress is not doing anything to get rid of him. He is a lying piece of shit. I often call him a dumbfuck when I respond to his tweets. I can’t help it. He just pisses me off with his dumbass tweets.

I’m getting sleepy but I am also hungry. Think I will have a bowl of granola cereal and then try and sleep. Thing is, I really don’t want to go downstairs but I know I won’t be able to sleep unless I eat something. I wish I had something in my room. I used to have protein bars but I don’t anymore. I have to order some more.

Bollocks and Bullshit kind of day

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders, suicide

Bollocks and bullshit kind of day

I had shit for sleep so I am extremely irritable. I again woke up in the middle of the night in pain. Slept for a few hours, then my alarm went off. Good thing I woke up because my groceries came a few minutes later. I have been up since then. I put all the groceries away and then went to Starbucks for espresso. I didn’t feel like making coffee at home.

I was feeling groggy and sleepy so after an hour, I caught what was supposed to be the next bus but it never showed up. I was bullshit. I tweeted the MBTA and got no response as to why there was no bus. I had to wait an hour for the next one. My bladder didn’t like this. I went to walgreens for an errand for my mother and got a snack. I didn’t buy any snacks in my grocery order just food and water. By the time I came home, I was in a lot of pain. My foot was and is in severe pain. I couldn’t take my regular pills so I had to take the strong one. The pain is so bad that that didn’t even calm it down. I am in agony. Then I get a text saying my new phone was delivered. So I hobble down the stairs to get it. The box feels light for 2 phones. I open it and there is just one fucking phone. That is when I start swearing and using Bollocks because it covers more swears than I can think of.

I call sprint and they tell me one phone is on backorder. I checked and it says shipped on my status page. I was on hold with someone from Sprint and they transfer me to someone else that had a bad connection. He said that I needed to file a police report and I am like for something that didn’t ship?? He is like but you have the S5. I am like I ordered two S8s and only one was in the box and the invoices says QTY 1 so there was no other phone shipped, where is it and when will it be shipped. You didn’t upgrade. I said I got an email saying I did and my bill is now nearly $100 more a month so what the fuck are you talking about??!! This went back and forth, he kept putting me on hold to “check” things. I am getting bullshit and mad. My foot is ready to fucking explode and so is my damn head. Finally when I say I want to talk to a supervisor, he is like oh, we’ll put this in some kind of order resolution claim and you will be called on Monday. He then asks for a number I can be reached. After a fucking hour on being on the phone. Fucking fuck.

I complain on Twitter for this bullshit and now they are trying to help and taking their blessed time. I have had the secure window open for an hour now and they still haven’t responded to my inquiries. I am ready to shut the window and call it a fucking day. After I got off the phone with these idiots, I call my mother and tell her she needs to make dinner tonight because my foot is being a fuck. She asks how to cook the ribs and I tell her to follow the instructions on the package. Easy, peazy.

I got a call while I was on the phone with the idiots. It was the pain group coordinator. She left me a message saying I needed to redo the intake interview and her office will call with an appointment. Fucking great. Another damn interview with this lady who is a bitch. I emailed my psych to let her know and that I was in agony. I didn’t tell her I was suicidal from the damn pain that has gone on for almost 24 hours now. I pleaded with my support group to PM me or comment to have someone to talk to as I am in agony. This is the worst pain I have been in since last week and again, I didn’t do much to set it off.

So now that I know this phone is really my niece’s phone, I can set it up for her and play with it for a little while to get used it. It is sleeker than the S5. I really like this phone. I hope playing with it gets me more acquainted with it when I get MY phone, whenever the fuck that is. I am so bullshit it’s not funny. I had talk to two people who said there was 2 devices in the shipment that was shipped out and they lied. How is that good customer service??