Category: Chronic pain

Don’t know what leg to limp on

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, Chronic pain, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, disability, mood disorders, physical pain

So I’m inpatient. The nurse’s station is down the hall. My fucking foot has exploded (one with CRPS) and my good foot has an Achilles problem and hurts. I don’t know what leg to limp on. I can’t take pain meds for another hour because that is when the shift changes and the fucking computer system will allow me my meds. I just want to die right now. The pain is so bad. I know I sat down too much today. Having my leg down just causes me more pain.

I had a bad check in with my contact person. He got smug when I said I was going to go off on staff if they woke me up early. The new med is kicking my ass so I feel hungover when I wake up. I just want to sleep in. It will be Sunday for crying out loud. But he said I need to be up at fucking 800 for meds and vitals, which is bullshit because I can refuse both. Asshole wants to play games, I’ll play games back. I know my rights.

I am tired but I can’t sleep because I’m in a lot of pain. Another 30 mins more till I can hobble to the nurse’s station. This is why I have my pain meds by my bedside at home, so I have easy access during a flare. I might take some more ativan to help me sleep. I’m kind of upset that the flares have continued while in the hospital. The last time I was in, I wasn’t in so much pain. I was still on my meds but for some reason, the flares have gotten worse.I don’t have an explanation for this that I can say this or that caused the flare. I just know that I hurt.

I definitely need new sneakers. I think that will help the Achilles problem. I still need to see the specialist for it. But the office is outside of Boston and you need a car. I’ll have to use the zipcar to get there. When I can think clearly, I’ll make the appt.

Now my ankle has joined in the fun. Fuck. Why can’t I die???

Second day

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, Chronic pain, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

I had a low key day. I went to two groups and it wasn’t good. They were calling me lady and I took offense. Then one of the nurses used my birth name and I got really upset. I scratched it out on my ID band. I don’t fucking care.

I met with the psychiatrist, who I worked with before. Seems everyone wants to know where I stand in my transition. He will be off tomorrow and Monday.  The social worker is being nice, for now. She can be a real bitch though. 

I wasn’t too talkative when I met with my contact person this afternoon. I really had nothing to talk about. My head was pounding, which then turned into a migraine so that was fun. Then I had a physical by a nurse practitioner. She wanted to know more about my pain. I told her how it was and what I experienced. Her only advice was to keep a good bowel regimen. Thanks, tell me something I don’t know. Idiot.

I took a nap for a couple of hours. It helped my migraine but my foot pain woke me up. It was med time any way. They finally have the right dose of my pain meds so I am happy about it. I have both pain meds. I am glad. 

The doc gave me privileges. I can use my cords and stuff. They now have a charging station so I don’t need it. I might need one for my Bluetooth headset as they don’t have a mini USB. I’ll worry about it when it needs to be charged.

My room is still not as cold as I would like and is still musty despite keeping the door open. The rug is damp which is gross. Nothing I can do about it though. I don’t think the AC is on even though the air is blowing.

I called my mother. She wants me home. She didn’t like me telling her I would be out next week, possibly. Oh well

Long day at the hosp

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, Chronic pain, chronic physical pain

I left my house at 600 and just got put in a room a little after 1930. I’m beat. Stupid people got my reasons why I was here all fucked up. They said I was hypomanic and agitated. Far from the truth. I’m more depressed than euphoric. Idiots.

I might have to see someone from medical for my ankle. Don’t know what they would do except ok my pain meds, which I haven’t had since 1330. I hope they gibe me them or its going to be a long night.

I have a lumpy bed. I already wish I was home. I honestly don’t think anything is going to get done while I’m here. But I’m hoping it resets my batteries.
Hey all, I’ve just taken my night meds and hopefully pain won’t keep me up. I’m settled in my room. I am in a single. Perks of being trans lol no one knows a damn thing about CRPS. I had to explain it to the admitting psychiatrist. Foot is swollen because it’s been down all day. I’m medicated so hopefully won’t wake up in the middle of the night. Damn pharmacy didn’t have my reg pain meds so I had to take my strong one. They were going to give me ibuprofen and I said no. Having a love/hate relationship right now being here

 try and post when I can.

Painful, do nothing Saturday 

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, Chronic pain, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

I woke up in severe pain and took my meds. I didn’t go back to sleep right away. I wasn’t hungry so I just made iced coffee. It was good. It kept me from going back to sleep. 

Around 1400, I called my mother to find out what she was going to do for supper. She said she’d make a stir fry. I really wanted pizza but whatever.

I took a nap. Had a dream I was in the lab again. I was working double shifts. I was in pain in the dream. I woke up and sure enough, I was. My mother called me and I had dinner. It was gross. My mother made a rice stir fry with chicken using lemon and soy sauce. I should have ordered pizza. My stomach is reeling. I am so mad at her for ruining the meal.

I’m not going to do anything today. I’m still in a lot of pain and my mood is down. It’s still humid out so I’ve just been staying in my room. I’m going to take some more pain meds and neurontin. Don’t fucking care. I hate being in this much pain.