Category: mood disorders

Post 1854

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

I got practically no sleep last night. I didn’t go to sleep until after 0400. I was up most of the damn night because songs were singing in my head and the voices were out of control, despite taking the trilafon. I had taken 4 mg when I came home last night and then another one around 0300 when the songs were getting worse not better. I just could not settle down. I must have read like six chapters in the new book that I am reading because I thought that would settle me down but it didn’t. It was just a really tough night.

I didn’t do much today because I was so sleepy. My mother made some asparagus and eggs for dinner and that is all that I have eaten today. I just am not that hungry. It has been cooler today than it has been all week. I still have the AC on. I might turn it off after the sun goes down.

I had therapy today. It went okay though my therapist still wants me to let my psychiatrist know that I am not feeling myself. She wants me to tell her that I am feeling disconnected from things and feeling flat. I see her next week so I will tell her then. I don’t want to page her just to tell her this. I don’t think it’s all that important. If she brings it up tomorrow, I am just going to tell her to call my psychiatrist and tell her because I have no idea what she is getting at.

For some reason, my left leg is out of sorts today. I woke up sleeping on my left side and my leg just hurt really bad. I thought it was hurting because of the position I was in so I rolled over to my other side but it did no good. I have been taking pain meds most of the day to deal with the pain. Doesn’t help that my ankle is also acting up. I am glad today was a low key day because I would hate to go out in this kind of pain.

Because I slept through most of the day, I didn’t call the PT place to set up an appointment. I will try again tomorrow. I don’t know what kind of exercises they are going to have me do. I just hope it doesn’t aggravate my left ankle because that one really is a pain in the neck. I have tried PT with that ankle and it was a disaster. I am hoping that things will be better with my right as it’s more a central thing and less involvement. But we’ll see.

My night out

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

My night out

I went out with friends tonight for dinner. We had a good time though the train coming home was late and we were afraid we missed it. It was so filling. I ate way too much, even though I probably shouldn’t have had dessert. That just about killed me. And my friend who doesn’t like to waste food, finished off the desserts for us. It was too funny.

On the train ride home, a drunk got on two stops before I had to get off. He feel asleep soon as the train was moving. I was afraid he was going to topple over on me so I got up to move. He smelled so bad of liquor. I think he got off at my stop but I have no idea where he went. Thankfully he didn’t get on the bus that I went on to go home.

My mother is okay. I was worried something might happen while I was away but it didn’t. It’s the first time leaving her alone at night since her hypoglycemic episode the beginning of the month. It was good to get out with friends but I also was worried about my mother. I thought about calling her but I didn’t want to bother her. I figure my sister would give her the run down anyways.

It was so hot in the house when I came home. I didn’t leave the AC running because I wasn’t home and my mother would flip but I left the fan running to keep my room as cool as possible. It didn’t work out that way. I had turned off the AC during the night because I had a wicked bad sneeze attack before bed last night. The room was hot so I turned the AC on for a few hours before I had to shut it off again before leaving. The room was cool but not cold like it was when I left it. It was stuffy when I came home. Yuck. Now it’s nice and cool but it’s taken almost an hour to cool it off. I will be keeping the AC running all night, like I usually do in the hot weather. I can’t stand the heat. It just makes me crazy.

I have therapy tomorrow and Wednesday. I am not planning on going out the rest of the week. Only thing I will go out for is cream, which I am running low on. I don’t think it will make it till next week. I am also running low on coffee. I am so sad my Brazil coffee if coming to the end of the bag. They have a new kind of Brazil coffee at Starbucks that I have been meaning to try. I will next week when I can replenish funds. If I don’t like it, I will just get Pike’s coffee and Breakfast Blend. Both are mild coffees but different tastes, though Pike can be a little strong. I haven’t quite figured out how to scoop it so it’s perfect. One of these days.

Hot and humid Monday

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mental disorders, mental illness, mood disorders

Today is no different than yesterday. Only exception is there is a chance of thunderstorms tonight. I am meeting up with some friends for dinner south of Boston. I can’t wait to see them again. We always have a fun time.

I have been sleepy for most of the day. I even had a double shot espresso and I’m still sleepy. I hope it kicks it on the train. I know it’s because of the weather. I hate hot and humid days. 

Last night I thought I was going to die by sneezing to death. I must have sneezed for an hour and a half. I have no idea why. I took some Benedryl and that seemed to work better than the Allegra. 

I had a couple of weird dreams while I slept. I think it’s the first time I dreamt in months. I did wake up in the middle of one so I think that is why I feel so tired. I woke up with my shoulder hurting because I was using it as a pillow. I hate when I do that. 

I meant to call the PT place this morning but I was a sleepy head. I’ll call tomorrow. I really need to do something for my right ankle. It’s starting to hurt more while walking and I can’t have that. It’s bad enough my left ankle is bad. I can’t be incapacitated by both. I will be miserable.

This is the first time leaving my mother alone since her hypoglycemic episode. I hope she will be okay. I’m going to text my sister to call her so someone will check on her. I really don’t want to come home and find her passed out. I’d feel so guilty.

another hot and humid day

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Another hot and humid day

The humidity is worst today than it was yesterday. I pretty much stayed in my room, only venturing out in the oven that is called my house for eating and bathroom breaks. I did manage to take a shower. I was happy about that. Now I don’t feel as awful. My mood is kind of bleak because after dinner, my ankle flared up. I had been sleeping most of the day and the only activity I did (other than making breakfast and showering) caused me pain. I helped my mother with kitchen clean up and my ankle didn’t like it.

Today is National Ice Cream day so I plan on having some soon as the pain meds kick in. I have some Breyer’s Oreo ice cream that I really like. I haven’t done anything at all today except try and sleep. It’s nice and cold in my room. I don’t have any plans for the day or this evening other than potentially watching the Red Sox game. I don’t know if I am going to watch it because my least favorite pitcher is pitching today. There was a statistic that I read today about how the Skankees have not scored in the first inning in something like 21 games. Price will allow it. He always does and then he will pitch “perfect” the rest of the game. Pisses me off because he is banking on run support. Sometimes he gets it but sometimes he doesn’t.

I made sure I took my afternoon dose of trilafon. I was going to make coffee but really didn’t feel like it. I was so full with the pancakes I made that I just couldn’t fathom drinking coffee. I had two cups yesterday, which is rare for me. I usually just make one cup and that is all for the day.

I haven’t bothered to read anything because I spent most of the day with my head on my pillow. I just really couldn’t get going like I did yesterday. I missed my BPD chat because I had dinner at that hour. I haven’t been on the computer that much today. It’s just been a low key day. I don’t have the energy to do anything.