Tag: coffee

rainy shitty day

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Rainy shitty day

It’s been raining off and on most of the day. My back has been a casualty of it. My lower back has been hurting most of the day. Despite this, I took a shower and made pancakes and coffee. I got really sleepy after I ate so I took a nap. It was a good nap and for the first time in months, I felt refreshed.

My mother had already made herself dinner. I heard her call me but I didn’t answer as I was so sleepy. I really didn’t want cheeseburgers for dinner anyway. I think I might make the frozen dinner that I have. I don’t want to cook again because I don’t want to hurt more than I am right now. As is usually the case, my ankle pain has settled down since my back is flaring. The hard part is sitting and standing. I can’t stand straight because it hurts too much.

The physical therapy office called while I was napping. I was very annoyed that the app that I use for voicemail has ads with sound in it. I could barely hear the lady talk as there was some kind of casino game playing. Usually the ads are silent. I hate the app. I much rather call into my voicemail using my phone. But Sprint no longer has that option with the new phones. Just annoys me. When I call tomorrow, I am going to see if I can see a PT that has experience with nerve related injury. Otherwise, there will be no point in seeing the therapist. I don’t have a normal ankle injury that will respond to normal physical therapy. I tried that and it hurt too much. I honestly don’t know what they can do but I will find out. The good thing is that they are down the street from me. I just need to take the bus. It kind of sucks because I can be early or late depending on the bus’s schedule. I rather be early so I can have time to prepare and just chill while waiting. I am surprised they called me right away. My PCP’s office faxed them this morning.

I honestly don’t know what PT is going to do as my ankle doesn’t go out on command. I am going to see what I can do to get around the house better when it does. Thing is, the prescription isn’t written to reflect that. It states that I need strength and conditioning exercises, which will only hurt not help me. I really wish I had a PCP that actually listened to what the patient wants rather than what he thinks they need.

Last night, I checked the balance on one of my old credit cards that I am paying off slowly. One more payment and I will be paid in full. I have been chipping at it slowly with each pay period and got done before the allotted time by a few months. I’m proud of myself for doing that. Now I just got to work on my other bills on my credit report to try and improve.

I was in no shape to bake today. I will try tomorrow if my back isn’t bothering me. It takes a little time preparing because you need to shred the zucchini. I’m still not sure if I am going to use baking powder rather than soda. I’ll ask my niece who bakes a lot and see what she thinks. She liked it last time so I want to stick with the recipe.

in need of a nap but just woke up

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

In need of a nap but I just woke up

I woke up around noon time and really wanted coffee and some of my zucchini bread. I made the coffee and the new creamer that I have spoils the coffee. All you can taste is the cream. I don’t want to taste cream, I want coffee dammit. I feel bad because it’s a huge bottle and I paid like $4 for it. Now it is going to go to waste as I am not going to use it anymore. I’ll stick with the half and half.

I took my cream up to my room after I finished my zucchini bread and started reading Twitter. The feed was all about the floods in Houston and how high the water was. There have been 5 deaths. It was getting me kind of anxious so I stopped reading it. I hate reading about natural disasters and people being evacuated and displaced. The worse part is that people are abandoning their pets. These poor little creatures depend on us and their owners just leave them to fend on their own. Why bother having a pet if you aren’t going to take care of them? Makes me sick and angry.

I had some lunch as I thought I should have real food and now I want to nap. I’ve only been up for about 2 hours. My ankle is killing me. I finally gave in and took some pain meds. I was trying to see if it would go away on its own. Wrong. Silly me.

It’s cool today. I have the ceiling fan on and I need to change the speed so I don’t feel cold but I really don’t want to. I just put on a long sleeve shirt. I need to fill my med box for the week. I want to give the pain meds a chance to work before I stand for a while. I’m listening to my all male playlist. There are very little female artists out in the country scene these days. Every new group have all male artists. It’s rare to hear a female artist now a days. I miss hearing Carrie Underwood and even Miranda Lambert, even though I don’t like her personally. I won’t go into the reasons.

I told my mother I will have Sloppy Joe for supper as I need to use it up before it goes bad. I actually like it reheated better than freshly made. For some reason, it just tastes better. I need to make the Lemon sour cream cookies but I think I will make them next week so I can bring some to my psychiatrist when I see her.

I am glad I am seeing my therapist tomorrow, even if he is a dickhead. Maybe he can help me, however doubtful, to know why I feel guilty when I take my strong pain pill. I sometimes feel like I don’t deserve it or maybe don’t deserve pain relief? I am in a lot of pain, still, and had to take one of the pills. I had given ample time for my regular pain meds to work but I think I waited too long. My foot is also burning so I need to take some Neurontin and it’s not even close to bed time yet. UGH. Life with Chronic Pain…

the many pains of CRPS

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

The many pains of CRPS, Complex Regional Pain Syndrome

I woke up around 5. I checked to see if my check was deposited and it was so I paid a few bills. I am going to be dreading what my account is going to look like tomorrow. I think I’m going to have around $30 for the month. I had my mother save $50 for me towards my name change. She doesn’t know that, yet. She will in time.

I got hungry around 0630 so I made an egg burrito with lots of cheese. Flour tortillas seem to be my favorite thing right now. After breakfast, I still had an hour before I had to leave the house to meet up with her for coffee. It was cool so I shut the AC off and just had the ceiling fan on. I decided to nap. I didn’t put the blankets on. The air from the ceiling fan was bothering my CRPS foot. So I moved it to go under the blanket. WRONG MOVE! OMG Pain!! It felt like my ankle was being ripped apart. I swore and cussed and clutched my pillow. Fucking A. I couldn’t move as I was in so much pain. It settled down after lying still for about 15 minutes. Then I lifted the blankets with my right foot and snuck my left foot under. No pain then. I fell asleep until my alarm clock went off. I didn’t want to get up.

I got dressed and took a strong pain pill before leaving my room. I got to the bus stop and waited. Pain levels were fluctuating but tolerable. I had bought a gel cushion for the sole of my foot and put it on the AFO. It was killing me by the time I got to Starbucks. So I wasted $7. I couldn’t return it because I used it. I was disappointed. I hoped the burning at the bottom of my foot would pass and it did. My friend came and we had coffee. We talked for about three hours. It was good. Then my friend had to get her daughter so she left. I stayed to write a little bit but played with my phone instead. I then went to the bus stop to go home. My pain was manageable. I was looking forward to making a turkey roll up with cranberry sauce.

I got off the bus and started walking home. I got to within a block of my house and my ankle gave out on me, again. WTF. Two days in a row! I am not happy. I came home, made myself lunch and then took my pain meds. I then took a nap as I was exhausted. I had put my feet under the blanket so the fan wouldn’t bother them. I got hot and woke up after a couple hours. My ankle is still sore.

My groceries are coming sometime after 2000. I had picked a late time because I went out and wasn’t sure what time I would be home. I didn’t think it would be that late but whatever. I hope the pain meds have a chance to work by then. I am going to take another strong pain pill. I can’t take my regular one for another couple of hours.

Last night I got a message from someone who was looking for a guess blog post. I had given her my blog address and she got back to me saying my blog was about “BPD”. I have no idea where she got that from as I don’t have that disorder. I got offended and told her not to contact me anymore. Whether she thought the pain I write about is emotional pain and not physical, I don’t know. She wasn’t a mental health professional as far as I know. I hate it when people diagnose someone and don’t have the credentials. That is like me telling someone they have the flu because they have an earache. Dumbasses.

no coffee for me!

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

No coffee for me!

I woke up around 1400. I didn’t get to sleep until 0700. It was a long night. I wanted coffee badly but my half and half went bad. I was too tired to go to the store to buy more and then make another cup. So I am not having coffee and I am very unhappy about it. I’ll go tomorrow to buy more.

I had a sound sleep though for some reason, my head likes to find the space between my two pillows, causing my neck to ache. I probably would still be sleeping if my bladder didn’t wake me up. I am glad I put my phone on “do not disturb” as I had a few messages and one missed phone call. I still am sleepy. I just had lunch and breakfast. I was hungry. I made a turkey, cheese, and cranberry sauce roll up and then had a couple of boiled eggs with toast.

I’ve only been awake for a few hours and already my ankle is killing me from making myself something to eat. FUCK. I took pain meds when I woke up as my mouth was hurting. Now my ankle is exploding. I am going back to bed. Hope I can sleep.