Tag: complex regional pain syndrome

Painful, do nothing Saturday 

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, Chronic pain, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

I woke up in severe pain and took my meds. I didn’t go back to sleep right away. I wasn’t hungry so I just made iced coffee. It was good. It kept me from going back to sleep. 

Around 1400, I called my mother to find out what she was going to do for supper. She said she’d make a stir fry. I really wanted pizza but whatever.

I took a nap. Had a dream I was in the lab again. I was working double shifts. I was in pain in the dream. I woke up and sure enough, I was. My mother called me and I had dinner. It was gross. My mother made a rice stir fry with chicken using lemon and soy sauce. I should have ordered pizza. My stomach is reeling. I am so mad at her for ruining the meal.

I’m not going to do anything today. I’m still in a lot of pain and my mood is down. It’s still humid out so I’ve just been staying in my room. I’m going to take some more pain meds and neurontin. Don’t fucking care. I hate being in this much pain.

pain, espresso, and a haircut

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Pain, espresso, and a haircut

I woke up in pain, again. It’s starting to happen every morning and does not go away despite me doing things like make breakfast or going out. I was going to stay in today so I took some Neurontin with my pain meds. I then went downstairs to make breakfast. I didn’t feel like making coffee at home so I decided to go out to the Square and then get a haircut.

I left my house and my cousin was outside. He gave me a ride to the Square so I didn’t have to take the bus. I was grateful because I didn’t know when the Neurontin was going to kick in. I got my espresso and then went to the barber shop.

I drank my coffee as I waited for my barber. He was with another customer but I was next in line so I didn’t mind waiting. The coffee kept me awake. He cut my hair very short, a military style cut and I loved it. I had to wait a half hour for the bus so I went to Chipotle for lunch.

The bus was late and then was further delayed because there was a blind man exiting the bus and needed help maneuvering around the bus depot. A few passengers helped him get to where he wanted to go. Then people boarded the bus. The bus driver was heavy on the gas, which made me nervous. It also made me seasick as she kept having to put the brakes on each stop. I sat when my stop came up because my foot was already screaming at me and I didn’t want the extra exertion of weight bearing to keep my balance.

As soon as I got to my house, the thunderstorms started. I got in just in time for a downpour. It cooled off a little bit but it was still humid. I went to my room to cool off before taking a shower. I waited at least an hour and then I took a cool shower. I went back to my room and my foot completely had a fit. It started cramping and then while I was putting on my PJs, it exploded in pain. I had to put thermal socks on because it got ice cold. I took some Ativan and more pain meds. I am pretty sleepy now and plan on taking a nap, if the pain calms down enough. I had to take a strong pain pill after the foot explosion because I couldn’t take more regular pain meds. I am so depressed. I really wanted to kill myself but it’s too hot for me to travel to where I want to go. I thought about texting my therapist but I didn’t want to bother him. I also thought about paging my psych but she is booked and I don’t know when she’d be able to call me back. I really don’t want to go to the hospital anyways. I just want my damn pain to be controllable. Putting on clothes shouldn’t be a trigger for more pain.

My mother made grilled cheese for dinner. She served pickles with them. Every time I bit into it, the pickle juice went down the wrong pipe and I choked. That was great! Then my foot really cramped up while putting the paper dishes in the trash. I am just so annoyed that I am in so much pain. I am not getting up for anything except taking my meds later on and using the bathroom if I need to. I will listen to the ball game tonight if I am awake enough. I really need a nap.

so fucking fed up

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

So fucking fed up

I woke up at dawn because that is when the sun was shining into my room, brightening it up. It was a little after 0515. I was in pain. I went to the bathroom and then took my meds. I wanted to go back to sleep but it wasn’t happening. Around 0630, I was getting hungry so I made an egg sandwich. I then went back to sleep for a few hours before I had to be up for my dentist appointment. I was debating going as my foot and ankle were hurting but decided to keep it as I knew if I cancelled, I wasn’t going to reschedule.

I slept until my alarm went off and I didn’t want to get up. I wanted to make coffee but I would be going to the Square so I didn’t make it. I shaved my head, which resulted in razor burn in the back of my head. I took a shower and then rested for an hour or so. I brushed my teeth, which my ankle didn’t like. I had slipped in the shower so it was smarting.

I went to the bank and there was no line at all so I got to the dentist office early. They took me early. They didn’t take any x-rays, which I was grateful because they always make me gag. I had three cavities. It’s been a few hours since the cleaning and my teeth still hurt from the scraping and flossing. I hate going to the dentist. I am not looking forward to having three cavities filled. The dentist said I need a special toothpaste at night to help protect my teeth better. I hope it’s not gross because I can’t rinse my mouth after I brush or eat or drink for 4 hours. That’s going to be tricky. I guess I will have to take my night meds and then brush my teeth. It’s going to be a challenge but I don’t want more cavities.

I went to Starbucks for lunch and my espresso. I went to deposit my money in my checking account. After I ate, I didn’t feel like writing so went to the barber shop. My barber was out until 1630. I didn’t feel like hanging around till then so caught the next bus home. My foot/ankle was throbbing and I needed pain meds and to put my leg up.

My pain got worse when I got home. I really am fed up. Then at dinner, my mother hated my new PJs and hair style. I am so sick of her comments. She is the most unsupportive person that is supposed to be a caring parent that I ever met. I wish I could ignore her ignorance but I live with her so it’s difficult. Then she wonders why I don’t talk to her. Least it didn’t set off my suicidal urges like it normally does. The pain is doing a fine enough job about that. I think I will get my hair fixed on Saturday. Tomorrow I need to rest or my ankle/foot is just going to kill me. I still want to try and make iced coffee at home. I think I have figured out the coffee to water ratio to make it work.

my psych finally called me back

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

My psych finally called back

My psychiatrist called me back as I was walking home from Walgreens. I picked up my script as I didn’t want to go there tomorrow. We talked about my Neurontin usage. She doesn’t want me to use it as a knock out drug but to get relief from my neuropathy pain. We discussed dosing several times a day, as long as I can tolerate it. She didn’t want me to take more than 1800 mg a day, but I was free to play with how ever I needed to to get to that amount a day. I still am figuring it out as my dose is really dependent on my pain levels. It’s how I have been taking this drug for years. I have to call or email her tomorrow to let her know how it goes.

I am not sure if I am going to go out after my dentist appointment or not. I will bring my bag with me just in case. I need to go to the bank tomorrow so I might go to the Square. My checking account is overdrawn so I need to put in funds before I am charged a fee.

Both ankles are hurting me and I am upset about it. I think I need to buy new sneakers as the ones that I have are really irritating me. I haven’t bought sneakers in more than three years so I am due for some new ones. I just wish they weren’t so damn expensive. Even at the outlet store I go to is the same as online, which doesn’t make sense. Usually the outlets are cheaper than online. I always get the same kind of style, which I might have to change. I wish I could get this stupid lump off my Achilles. I wouldn’t be in pain if I didn’t have it.

I had some chips when I came back home as I was hungry. I wish I didn’t because now my stomach is upset. They were the regular chips not the unsalted kind that I usually buy.

I am really tired from walking around so I probably will be taking my meds early and going to bed early, I hope. The last few nights I have taken my meds later than I usually do, which sucks because I am up late if I do. Thing is, I can’t stand right now so need to wait for the pain to subside a little before grabbing my night meds. I forgot to grab them before getting comfy on my bed. I wanted to shower tonight but that isn’t happening. I will take one tomorrow morning. I’ll need to shave my head again anyways.

I need to change my sheets this weekend. It’s going to be a pain in the ass like it always is. I have to mentally prepare myself for doing the task or it just won’t get done. I need to clean off my office side of the bed. I some how accumulated 4 baseball hats on my bed. Don’t know how that happened. I put away my meds that were on my bed in their respective places. I am set for the month, or should be anyway.

So much for reading or watching STTNG tonight. I just don’t have the brain power like I did a few hours ago. I am feeling really worn down. Pain will do that. It’s an energy sucker, just draining all that you have every single day.