Round Here Buzz

Round here buzz

Decided to listen to music and this was the first song on my playlist. Love Eric Church and this album. Must have listened to this song thousands of time. My top three songs on this album, other than the title, Mr. Misunderstood, are Round here buzz, Mixed drinks with feelings, and Record Year.

I had another early morning awakening. Around the same time too, 5 am. I stayed up for about an hour and just as I was about to fall back to sleep, my med alarm went off. I forgot to change the time before falling asleep last night. I took the pill and was able to get back to sleep. I slept till around 1300 or so. I was really sleepy and didn’t want to get up. My ankle was still being a jerk. I wanted coffee and knew it wasn’t going to make itself as I had no magic wand so I went downstairs to the kitchen. I made a two cheese egg burrito and Casi Cielo. Coffee was good. I brought it back up to my room and decided to read for a bit. I put on the stopwatch and found that I read a chapter in like 20-25 minutes. So I kept on reading. I was in the part of the Deathly Hallows where they were at the Ministry and freed the muggle borns from the court. I couldn’t stop there so read some more until Ron leaves after he finds out Ginny was punished for trying to steal the sword of Gryffindor.

There were about four eggs left after I made my burrito so I decided to go to the grocery store to buy some more. I had about a half hour before the next bus would come. I went downstairs to put my mug in the sink and told my mother I would be going to the store to get eggs. Then I asked her if she wanted to get the washer as it was on sale and today was the last day for it. She said she wanted to look at it. I said are you waiting for the washer to completely break before getting a new one? I told her by then the price would go up and she would pay more. She said okay. I showed her the washer that was similar to the one we had. No fancy buttons or anything. She wanted to see if it was big enough to wash a blanket. I said it was a deep fill washer so I think so. But she wanted to be sure so I read the description to her. I told her this washer could wash 14 towels at once so I think one blanket would fit. She said she wanted a freezer as well so after I place the washer in the cart, I checked out the freezers. Found one that looked like the one she wanted and went with her step by step on what she wanted as far as warranties and such. By the time I was done, I had missed the bus. I figure I would catch another bus route rather than the Square as it was getting late.

I went upstairs to get dressed, happy that we had a new washer on the way. I went back downstairs and asked my mother if 4 dozen eggs would be okay. I don’t know why I asked. She then asked the price of the eggs and I told her. She said that was too expensive and I nearly went insane when she said 2 dozen. I said you want me to go out for just 2 dozen eggs??? I said whatever and went downstairs to vent to my sister. I swear my mother thinks things should be a buck and if they are not, wait till they are on sale. We had 4 eggs that is not going to last till they are on sale! My mother and I use eggs nearly every day. I vented then caught the bus. I didn’t feel like listening to music so just rode the bus. The grocery store was not crowded and I liked that. I grabbed what I needed and a half gallon of juice.

I went to the busway and realized the bus there wouldn’t be coming for another hour so I caught the bus to the Square to catch the bus home. My ankle was killing me by the time I came home. Felt like a rod was going through my foot if I bared full weight on it. I was exhausted like I had been doing shit all day. My mother was making supper when I came home. I put the things away and just as I put the last dozen in the fridge, my ankle flared again. I sat for a bit and put my foot in the air so nothing was putting pressure on it. It was a stop gap measure. I was still hurting when I got up a few minutes later to change out of my jeans. I should have taken a pain pill but didn’t think of it. After I finished eating and went back up to my room, I took it.

I went on my laptop and checked out twitter. The Orange Buffoon was starting shit again, blaming everyone but himself for things. Then I saw Red Sox news and was scanning all my Sox tweety buddies. Deal has been made with JD Martinez, a free agent outfielder for the Arizona Diamondbacks. They have been talking about signing him ALL fricken off season and today is the day they finally do, much to my chagrin. We got him for 5 yrs at $21 mill/year, pending a physical. I had to laugh when someone proposed a lineup that had Ramirez, our current DH, as playing first base! HA! He only played a handful of games at first base all last season. I don’t expect him to when we have Moreland! I don’t remember if Ramirez had shoulder surgery in the off season or not. A few guys did. But Ramirez stinks either way. He has been with us two years now and hasn’t done shit. This will be his third season with us. I always like to see how spring training goes before I decide on anyone. But this bozo who listed his probable line up was a complete joke. We have a new manager for the Sox so it will be interesting how he plays people. I don’t know if he goes by analyses or not. The former manager did so would have a guy off for a certain pitcher. I don’t know if Cora (manager) will do the same or not. I cannot wait. First Spring Training game will be this Friday!! I just hope it will be on the radio!

maybe I won’t feel so bad

Maybe I won’t feel so bad

I took my pain pills. Then I made something to eat that woke me up. Now I had some gin. Just two shots of Beefeater. Believe me when I say I wanted to finish the bottle but the shit is tearing up my guts big time. You don’t realize the restraint. But after the day I had, I deserve a drink or two.

Foot is acting up big time. I had to put on thermal socks because my feet got cold. They are warm but not toasty yet. Soon as they do, I will take them off. I hate sleeping with socks on. I think the alcohol has been absorbed through my stomach lining. I feel great. I really want to finish the bottle. But that is playing with fire.

I have never mixed alcohol with opioids before. But I needed a drink and the gin was handy. Much closer than my honey whiskey. I did that on purpose. I was tired of staring at it on my desk so I moved it closer to the bedside. It has been there for months judging by the level of dust on the bottle. I am not a drinker, per se. But I do binge drink when I am in the mood. I am not in the mood tonight. I might have one or two more shots of gin before bed. I hope it will make me sleep. Least it will do is make me toss and turn. I keep thinking of the song by Eric Church, “Mixed drinks about feelings”. Cause “my figured out has never been more confused”. I can tell by the heavy in my heart that I’m going down soon.

The lyrics are so damn powerful. I had four shots of gin. That is all I am going to have tonight. HAHA I just realized I also had benzos with my alcohol. Man, I wonder if I will wake up tomorrow. This wasn’t planned. And I don’t think I will tell my therapist about this information. She will freak the fuck out. I also won’t tell my psych. She will freak out. Might even section me. Or force me to get blood work. I had a bad outing with my father. It’s his fault. Bastard doesn’t know what he does to me.

Whiskey soothes but I toss and turn. I’ll find sleep till dreams relent, wake up tired and try again.

No use fighting the fight its not contest tonight my figured out has never been more confused

Love this song so much. I have tweeted Eric the song many times but have not got a tweet back. I keep trying through.

It’s 0315 and I got Eric Church music on my Brain

It’s 0315 and I got Eric Church music on my Brain

I woke up forty-five minutes ago. I decided to write a blog because it helps me sleep. Now I have Eric Church’s music running in my brain. No matter what, I can’t seem to turn his music off. I have been listening to his album, Mr. Misunderstood, for weeks now. I thought I could listen to something else, like Taylor Swift or Luke Bryan, but I always seem to come back to Church. I don’t know why I am so addicted to his music. Maybe because I can relate to at least three of his songs and the others I just like hearing the beat. His 3 year old song is very cute and my MP3 player seems to like it because it plays it more than the others.

The reason I am up is because of pain. I woke up to my ankle hurting me. I started reading Twitter and there was nothing good to read. Nothing was on Facebook either, though I answered someone’s reply on my support group. There is usually nothing going on during these hours. All I can do is take my pain meds and hope I go back to sleep. I have nothing else to distract me from the pain. I might try reading my book but it’s hard to concentrate when you are in pain. The pain has lessened somewhat so I hope that means I am sleep bound soon.

I had an app on my phone that was for my online grocery ordering. It’s no longer supported so I had to uninstall it. I like it because it beat having to go on my laptop when I thought of something to buy. I am not buying as much as I did last month. I am trying to keep it under $100. But it’s difficult because Stop and Shop is expensive. If they didn’t have my flavor of Powerade, I wouldn’t shop there. I would certainly be screwed though. You would think Lemon-lime would be in stock in most of the stores like Walgreens and Rite-Aid but they don’t have it. I can only get it at Stop and Shop. It saves me time when I order and then I don’t have to lug the stuff up the stairs. The delivery guy does it. I just have to put the things away.

Found out the place that I want to order my Chinese food for Christmas Eve is online. I don’t have to call to place the order. I am so glad because I hate calling on the phone. I still need to get their menu. I was going to get it today but they weren’t open. I will get it next week when I see my neurosurgeon. I like ordering combination plates because it is cheaper than buying things individually. But I didn’t see dinner combos, just lunch and there was no indication that it was served all day.

If it wasn’t so early in the morning, I think I would make coffee. I haven’t had it all week. When I do get up later this morning, I am going to make my Brazil coffee. I want still need to buy another bag of it while it’s still in stock. I can’t let this pass. I also need to see if the liquor store in the Square sells a particular stout I am looking for. It’s a Mexican chocolate stout and is supposed to be really good. I am not really a stout person but I find I like them better than a beer because it doesn’t taste like beer. It’s heavier and richer but I think with the chocolate and other flavors, it won’t be hoppy. It’s very rare that I will drink beer as I am more for hard liquor. When I drink, I want to get drunk, and fast. Plus this stout is like 8.1% alcohol. I hope they have it. It will make me happy.

Doc appt and Mixed Drinks about Feelings

Doc appoint and Mixed Drinks about Feelings

My appointment went well. I had to update my entire medical history but it didn’t take long as most of it was already in the computer. I did have to update my medications as there have been changes in the last two years. I see her in a year and but before the appointment I need to have blood work. I hope I remember.

I didn’t sleep well, again. I went to bed late and then woke up at 4 and 5. I got up at 0615 to shower. I was hoping to snooze but I knew that would be a bad idea. So I got dressed and caught the bus to the square. I had my mocha and did some writing in my journal as I was sitting in my “spot”. The place was empty so I had no distractions. I wasn’t as paranoid either. It was raining when I left my house but by the time I got to the square it stopped. I was so made because I had to carry the stupid umbrella around for nothing. It was too big to put in my bag. Then the sun came out and I was really cursing because I didn’t bring my sunglasses. I just want to go to bed and I will after this blog.

I emailed my psychiatrist about the appointment. I haven’t heard back yet. I am glad that she told me that doc that I saw today was good. She seemed caring. And she wasn’t freaked out by my psych history. She made sure that I had psych providers but didn’t contact them. That was my biggest fear. That she would send me to the psych emergency room or wait till my psychiatrist called her back before leaving. Like all doctors these days, she wants me to lose weight. I don’t see how this is possible as I am not an active person. I am going to ask my PCP if I can go on an appetite suppressant to lose weight. Restricting calories and shit just isn’t for me. I love food too much to try and stop myself from eating bad and eating good just costs too much.

I am glad she didn’t ask if I was psychotic lately. It sucks that I have to be on two different antipsychotics but so be it. There are risks involved but they outweigh the benefit. I am glad I have a psychiatrist that watches me closely and cares.

“no use fighting the fight, there’s no contest tonight” Eric Church