Most suicide is a dreary and dismal wintry gale within the mind, where the vital issue that is being debated is whether to try to stay afloat in a stormy life or willfully to go under to nothingness. Edwin Shneidman, Suicide as Psychache
Tag: mental pain
Quote of the Day 20 Nov 2015
A burnt out person whose whole life was a kind of chronic suicide, a living death, a life without ambition seemingly without purpose–Edwin Shneidman, Suicide as Psychache
Break in Sleep
Break in Sleep
I can never sleep a full 6 hours anymore, even with drugs that are supposed to make you sleepy. I just woke up a little while ago. I had to go to the bathroom and I figure I write a little bit. I am still under the effects of the Neurontin and will be going to bed shortly. I have decided to skip my meds tonight. I just don’t give a fuck. I am still pissed off that this doctor didn’t write a goodbye letter or let me know she was leaving. Least my PCP had a curtesy of writing a letter before he departed.
I am so nervous of seeing another doctor. I am just afraid that I will say the word suicide and they will freak out. Or ignore me like the doctors did when I first saw them. They never asked me if I was currently suicidal or anything. I might as well have been saying to them turkeys or something. But with the new doc, I don’t know if I can say the “s” word and still walk out of the office unescorted. I was never depressed with getting my premenstrual stuff. I was just extremely suicidal. I was in the worst pain of my life and I wanted to die very badly. Then the “switch” would go off and I wouldn’t be as suicidal. It was like a relief that the pain went away and I wasn’t thinking of ending my life. It had nothing to do with being TG. I wasn’t even out when I saw the doctor, or I was just coming to terms with being TG.
I just hope that I can be seen within the next three weeks because that is all I have left of my pill pack, actually it’s more like two weeks of pills that I have. I am trying hard not to take ALL of the pills for this week as I just have the fuck its really bad, which is why I am not taking more meds tonight because I am afraid adding oxcarb to the Neurontin is going to cause an interaction and I am going to be more foggy than anything.
I am starting to bleed heavier so I had to switch to female underwear and female products. I feel so degraded.
Quote of the day 19 Nov 2015
The remediation (or therapy) of the suicidal state lies in addressing and mollifying the vital frustrated needs. The therapist does well to have this template of psychological needs in mind so that the therapy can be tailor-made for that patient. Often, just a little bit of mollification of the patient’s frustrated needs can change the vital balance sufficiently to save a life. Edwin Shneidman, Suicide as Psychache
midnightdemons7 
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