Tag: sleep deprivation

relatively good day despite crappy sleep

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Relatively good day despite crappy sleep

I didn’t go to bed until practically dawn. Around 0500, I was still up and had to call my psychiatrist because I was worried I was going to be up a full 24 hours. She called me back right away and was kind of worried as I never called her before at that hour. I told her the situation, that I had severe nerve pain that kept me up and then I basically got my second wind. I was contemplating taking some benedryl but she preferred me taking Ativan. She also was worried that I should be in the hospital. I knew if I tried to make my way across town to the hospital, I probably fall asleep and that wouldn’t do anyone any good. She asked if I was safe and I told her I was and she wanted me to call her when I woke up later in the afternoon.

I slept for about four hours. I got up to take my blood pressure medicine and to use the bathroom. I was able to go back to sleep after taking some pain meds. My ankle was starting to cause me grief and I nipped it in the bud. I slept a few more hours and then wanted to order food. I wanted pizza and fries and for the hell of it, ordered a cheese steak. It was yummy. I had one slice of pizza because I had the sub and fries. I ate most of the fries then went back to my cave.

My good friend sent me a birthday care package and wow with the stuff she gave me. I got a copy of the best of RENT, two DVDs of RENT, a Starbucks gift card and the sweetest birthday card I ever received. I plan on watching the Broadway version of Rent rather than the movie. I had seen it in Boston twice. It’s my favorite musical of all time, next to King and I.

All I have done today is eat and went out to go to Starbucks. I needed an espresso. I didn’t get 4 shots because I didn’t want to be up all hours. I had two shots over soy milk. I froze my ass off. My legs are still thawing out. I do need to protest my ears a little better from the bitter cold. I need to find my knitted hat and gloves. Going to need them tomorrow. I put the gloves in the “place I will remember” and I can’t find that place. So frustrating. I probably will find them in the Spring.

My psychiatrist brought up my therapist this morning when she talked to me. I tried not to start crying. She thought I would be up because of that but pain was really keeping me up. I am feeling pretty good despite everything. I hope I am not becoming hypomanic. That would not be good. But I think it’s just a little left over sleep deprivation going on and I am still on that “high”. I still feel really tired though. I really hope I will sleep tonight. Pain doesn’t seem too bad right now but it wasn’t this time last night either. It got really bad around 2100 and stayed until 0300. So for six fucking hours, I was in torture. I hope the Neurontin can protect me for the next 24 hours. I will take it in about a half hour to be sure I have coverage. That is all I can do at this point.

sleepy but not tired

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, depression, mood disorders

Sleepy but not tired

I have been trying to get to sleep for the past hour and have failed. I thought it was odd that I haven’t thought of my father and that when I do, it’s always the last few hours of his life. It’s like I can’t think of anything but that time period. I guess it’s better not to think of him at all.

Last night, our CO detector’s battery is running low and starting beeping. It takes 3 AA batteries and it’s the only detector that beeps after a few months. I don’t know if it’s made like that or not but it’s annoying as all hell because every 3-4 months we are replacing batteries for it. Such a waste.

I did take a shower before bed because I got a sneeze attack. I thought if I took a shower, whatever was causing me to sneeze would be washed away. HA, yea right. Soon as I was going up the stairs to my room, I started sneezing again and again. It was awful. I then decided to use Flonase to try and see if that helped. One of my nostrils is clogged so I don’t think it will be very effective. I will have to use it the next few days to stop fricken sneezing. I hate sneezing non-stop.

A friend of mine on Facebook gave me a recipe for pumpkin pie cupcakes. So I am going to make them some time next week. It’s going to be so much fun! I love cupcakes. I will buy cream cheese frosting and that will be so awesome. You are supposed to top with whipped cream but I think frosting will be better.

I am going to buy Naan with my grocery order. It’s been so long since I had it. I remember when one of my Muslim friends gave me some. I thought it was so good. I haven’t had it since then. I think it might go good with some Biscoff spread.

All I want to do is sleep

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders, suicide

All I want to do is sleep

I had a very rough night last night. I was so exhausted, I couldn’t sleep. Then this doctor made a tweet that really made me angry. So we exchanged words last night, well after midnight. I was so pissed, I couldn’t calm down. And my foot wasn’t helping because soon as I would relax, it flared up in pain. I had taken a strong pain pill to see if that helped. It did bring the pain down, made me a little high, and was about to knock me out but I just couldn’t relax enough to sleep.

My sister reminded me that I had to babysit and as the hours passed by, I knew I was going to be fucked for the day. I think I finally did fall asleep around 0330 and then woke up about 5 hours later. I checked my phone to see if I needed to go downstairs and there were no messages so I tried to sleep. I did for an hour or so. I then tried calling my niece to see if she was okay and there was no answer. She doesn’t pick up the phone. It is really annoying. So I went downstairs to check on her to find she wasn’t at home. My older niece told me that she had gone to the park. So that left me to do whatever I wanted to do.

I went back up to my room, with the intention of going back to sleep but my stomach was doing flip flops. Then I got hungry. I made a bagel with cream cheese and then went back to my room. I couldn’t sleep. I was wicked exhausted and still am. A couple of hours went by so I decided to make lunch and then try again to sleep. I was successful this go around. Least until my mother called me to help fix dinner. Her sugar dropped so she needed help. We had asparagus and eggs for supper. I would have had the cauliflower but I was so full off the asparagus I couldn’t eat it.

I finally got a response back from my psychiatrist. She wants me to keep her posted. I might page her tomorrow, just to talk. Part of the reason I couldn’t sleep was because the voices were talking to me the whole fucking time. They were keeping me up with their endless chatter. I wanted to take a trilafon last night but I never got the chance. I was so upset over what that doctor had said that it really agitated me. I was going to blog about it and actually started one but never got done because I was so tired.

I texted my therapist to call me or let me know if there was an appointment available. I haven’t heard anything back. It’s really warm today so I didn’t want to go out in the condition I was in. It would have made me more tired. I am going to take my meds early tonight and hope I sleep until tomorrow morning, like at least after 0400! Pain is still there but it’s getting better. I hope it doesn’t flare up again. My suicidality has increased over the pain the last three days. It wouldn’t be good to have a fourth night of pain.

Lab work is back

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, depression, mood disorders

Lab work is back

I just got my lab results. My potassium is low but it could have been lower had it not been sitting around all day in the lab. I am so mad that I didn’t drop off the bloods myself. But as I am no longer an employee in the hospital, I can’t do things like that anymore. Thing that makes me wonder if the labs were accurate is because my CO2 level was also low, which probably means the cap was off the top for a while before the tube was analyzed. I am not happy about this. But there is nothing I can do, and that pisses me off.

I have been trying to get settled down to get some sleep but my brain is angry. I know nothing will probably get done about the result other than possibly to eat a banana or something. I don’t like bananas unless they are a certain type of ripeness. That is the only way I will eat them. I emailed my psychiatrist about the lab results. I didn’t tell her the labs were sitting around all day. I probably should have. I really miss her though. I don’t know when she will be back in the office. She hasn’t answered any emails from me, but then she is probably busy.

I fee tired but I am afraid that if I go to bed now, I will wake up around midnight or a few hours after midnight. I doubt I will be able to sleep past three o’clock. I never took a nap because I just wasn’t tired or sleepy, despite taking my pain meds. I thought for sure my meds would knock me out but I was wrong. Must have been the espresso I drank that kept me going. I took my night meds so hopefully that will cause some sleepiness. I have been up almost 20 hours. That is a long time. I probably won’t do anything tomorrow. I hope I don’t have to go to my father’s but I have no idea what the stupid VNA is going to do about his meds. They called me again and the nurse from Sunday left no messages for the nurse today. So I had to repeat everything and go over everything once more. Idiots. Then she has to call the PCP to verify what I am saying is true. What the hell you asking me for?? I am so damn annoyed.

I should probably read something. That always puts me to sleep but sometimes it wakes up my brain. I had to shut the music off because it was giving me a headache. It was also annoying me because I didn’t know what I wanted to listen to. I must have skipped several songs before shutting it off, three of them from Bon Jovi and I love listening to them. I am just worried that my potassium is what is causing all this stuff to happen to me because I haven’t been eating right. I ate tonight but now I feel like a cow. I am so bloated. I probably won’t eat anything tomorrow. I seem to be skipping days. The appetite is just not there. I am surprised because I took some gabapentin Saturday so I was expecting to be ravenous. Something is wrong with me and I don’t know what it is. The NP didn’t want to blame it on the depression. She just called it stress. I was too out of it to argue with her. It had been at least 12 hours since I last had something to eat when I saw her so was in and out of being hungry. Surprisingly, my blood sugar was within norms, though it was high for fasting at 92. I have been trying to get my sugar lower to at least between 70-80 but it hasn’t been working for me. I just hope my A1C levels are normal. I don’t think I can handle being a diabetic.