Up Early again
I woke up at 0330 to go to the bathroom and then couldn’t go back to sleep. I had some messages on my various apps so I checked them. One of the blogs I read had another blog from a different author so I decided to read that but it was so boring that I had to stop reading it half way through.
I woke up somewhat congested so I took my nasal spray to clear up my nasal passageways. It has been a few days since I last used it. I am supposed to use it every day but I forget sometimes. My ankle started flaring up soon as I got back to my room so I took some pain meds for it. Now I am just waiting for it to make me sleepy.
I feel really depressed. I know it’s because I keep dealing with physical pain more than anything. I just can’t get away from it and it’s really bringing me down. When I met with my PCP last week, I had to have him tell me I wasn’t an addict because the voices were harping on me again about that. He told me I wasn’t and I felt reassured. He understands that I am a person in chronic pain and need medication to relieve that pain. He really is a nice doctor. He is younger than I thought he would be, not that it matters. Sometimes they get these new doctors and you think they are older because they are new. But he was young. I hope he sticks it out with the practice.
Being up this early is going to ruin my whole day now. I am going to be sleepy. I wanted to go to the Square so I could get a burrito at Chipotle. I would have gone yesterday but I was too sleepy. I don’t know if I will be going to the hospital today. I got to wait for my psychiatrist to get back to me. I need to take a shower today because I haven’t taken one since Friday morning. I always tend to lose track of when I shower because it isn’t one of my top priorities.
I’m glad I checked my bag for T-shirts because I had only one packed. That wouldn’t do. I put in three more. That should be plenty for me. I also need to pack my coloring book and crayons. I think it would be nice to have them with me. I have decided that when I get discharged, I am not letting my therapist know. I will talk with her in the new year. I don’t care. I need a break from her antics.
I think I need to take an Ativan. My ankle is really hurting and it’s bringing my anxiety up. I hate when that happens. I haven’t decided how I am going to tell my mother I am going to the hospital. She always freaks out when I have to go in. And I always get the “whys”, like I don’t need to be in. She is not very understanding of my mental illness. I just hope when I get to the unit they don’t take away my shoelaces. Some units do that and it really bothers me when you have to re-lace your sneakers.
I hope that because I am in the hospital where my psychiatrist is, she can visit me. I would really like that. I just realized that because I will be in the hospital, I won’t be having any caffeine. That is really sad. I hope I don’t get a headache because of it. Those kinds of headaches suck.