Random Saturday Blog

Random Saturday Blog

I had a fairly decent sleep, but I still woke up in pain. It’s getting worse as I am moving around. I haven’t done much except make coffee and have something to eat. But then, I don’t need to do anything for it to flare. That is the unpredictability of pain syndromes. It was snowing when I got up this morning but it seemed to have stopped. If it’s raining like the forecast had said, I can’t tell. I just know I am hurting and all I can do is pop a pill to make it go away.

I wanted to change my sheets today but after I had my coffee, my gas ran out. I feel so unmotivated right now that all I want to do is sleep. I really didn’t want to be taking pain meds around the clock today. I wanted to go out for a burrito but the snow is not making that happen. I will go out tomorrow when it’s warmer. I need to get multigrain bread and more pumpkin. I have one can left but I want to have at least two or three so I can make my cake whenever I want. I also want to try to make pumpkin muffins if I can find a good recipe. My cupcakes don’t come out right.

I really need to clear off my bed. Maybe I will focus on that today. Just do one thing and it will be a sense of accomplishment. My sister wants me to babysit tonight, if she goes out. She plans on going south of Boston. The snow is heavier there than where we are. I hope she decides not to go.

I’ve been thinking on and off about my therapist. I still don’t know what I am going to do. It’s just so damn hard to think about these things. I have no idea where to begin. I might call the intake again at the hospital where my psychiatrist works and see if I can get a therapist there. But not right now. I need some time to get over my current therapist before I start seeing someone new. I really don’t want to go into downtown Boston weekly but if I have to, I guess I will. Least it will get me out of the house. And there is a Starbucks at the corner so I will be able to have my coffee before therapy, if it’s at the same place where the CBT therapist was at. I still want to go there to take pictures of the new Government Center T stop. And go to the Irish restaurant across the street for their yummy Asgard burger and fries.

The thought of having a therapist not be collaborative and go through the process of “interviewing” them instead of them interviewing me is daunting. I went through it once when I had good insurance. I don’t think I can go through it again with the insurance I have now. And with me getting paid just once a month, I am not sure I can pay copays weekly. It’s just stressing me out. And that is the last thing I need right now.

About G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality
This entry was posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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