up and at ’em

Up and at ‘em

I woke up around 0400. I have been waking up every few hours and this time, I felt a little energized so I decided not to go back to sleep because then I would feel yucky. I played with my phone for an hour, reading the latest bullshit Trump and his goonies have said or done or signed into the “Executive Order”. I was getting sick to my stomach. This was on Twitter. Then I go to Facebook and there is the same crap but worse. UGH, you just can’t escape him. Is this what it is going to be like the next four fucking years?? I hope they impeach the ass sooner rather than later.

I made coffee to try and keep my energy levels up and had breakfast. I still plan on having my espresso later when I do my errands before going to my psych appt. I am feeling a little better than I was yesterday, mood wise. But that can change. I finally took a shower and it didn’t exhaust me. I just hope my energy levels stay up. I think I am going to catch the 950 bus to the Square. I have to go to the post office and the bank. I need more mailers to send out my books. I’m going to buy a bunch of them so I don’t run out again, least for a while. My books aren’t selling like hot cakes but each book that goes out is something.

I am hoping my psychiatrist remembers to bring my book in her office so I can sign it. I sent her an email last night to remind her. I hope my appointment goes well. I am kind of nervous. I sent her my blog yesterday that still had indications that I am suicidal. It wasn’t blatant but she isn’t stupid. If she read it, I think she might have called me if she was concerned and she didn’t. Plus, I am seeing her today so we can talk about it.

I kind of want another cup of coffee but that means having to clean my French press and I am not in the mood to wash things. It’s not that hard but it’s just a pain in the ass as I hate getting my hands full of grounds. Maybe I will make a cup of tea. I am starting to feel drowsy, seems my energy has a short lifespan this early in the morning. I still have about four hours until I want to take that bus. Maybe I will take the 0700 bus and get out of the house. I haven’t left the house since last Friday. It’s been a rough week. Maybe if I hit the fresh air, I will wake up some.

I will tweet my friend on Monday to see if he has found anyone. I hate to be a bother to him because he is such a nice guy. In a way, I hope he says, why don’t I see him. It would be cool to talk to him because I really like him. I think he would be a wonderful therapist but I am scared that he will just throw me in the hospital every time I am suicidal. That is the only reason for not seeing him. He had a patient die by suicide a more than a few years ago and it devastated him. He is a little wiser now with suicidal patients. But I would love to teach him the ways of CAMS and the SSF. If I had to retrain a therapist, it would be him. But that is my dream and I don’t know if it will come true.

I will write more later when I am home from my psych appointment. Toodles.

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