Wake and other things

Wake and other things

My foot and ankle were hurting me all day with bone crushing pain. I didn’t think I would be able to go to my uncle’s wake. I tried to rest but it wasn’t happening. My mother still wasn’t feeling well so I made her lunch and then cleaned up afterwards. I also took out the trash and recycles. I somehow managed to find a long sleeved shirt and I found a tie to go with it. It was kind of tight but it worked.

The wake went as well as can be. Only thing that absolutely sucked was seeing my pedophile cousin who had abused me. He kept on telling everyone I wrote a book and he read it. Whatever. Then my cousin-in-law came up to me to talk to me about the book and I wanted disappear forever to get away from him. I cannot stand him. He kept hitting my back, which was already hurting me. I gave him the information that he wanted and then, thankfully, he found someone else to talk to.

After the wake, a few of my cousins, sisters, and nieces went to have something to eat. I had what my sister was having, grilled shrimp and mashed potatoes. Unfortunately, I had a reaction of some sort to the shrimp as my lip swelled up. It is still swollen. I took a Benadryl to ward off any other reaction. I feel okay. I ordered a whiskey because I felt like it. I didn’t even have half a glass and I got buzzed. I am a lightweight. I hardly drink.

I had wanted to text my therapist about my cousin being at the wake and basically giving me a heart attack in the process but I didn’t. I will tell him when I see him next week. I am glad my cousin’s wife wasn’t there. I couldn’t stand her for sticking up for him and believing him over me or her daughter. I am glad I don’t have to see him again.

I came home and my mother was already in bed. I hope whatever bug she has goes away soon. My ankle and foot are really flared up right now. I hope between the night meds and Benadryl I will sleep soon. Otherwise, it is going to be a long night.

Published by

G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality

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