Lunatic and other things

Lunatic and other things

So this was my FB post around 11 this morning:

“I didn’t go today. My foot was bothering me when I woke. Then my lunatic aunt gives me a heart attack as she goes up the stairs. I thought something was wrong with my mother. I get up, painfully walk to my bedroom door to see what was the matter and it was NOTHING. She was just “talking”. Are you kidding me? So then I had to pee. Legs are shot. Calves are killing me. Went to the bathroom and then out to the porch to grab some cereal. And she starts asking how are you in a sweet sick voice. I lost it on her. Told her she has no consideration for anyone but her. Then she says, well I thought you went out. That just sent me off. lunatic. I am so upset right now. And I know she doesn’t feel a damn thing.”

When I finally got up around 330 pm, the lunatic was gone and my cousin (her son) was calling me. Since my blow up, she didn’t yell at all. She also said maybe I wasn’t going to be here for three days. I was like good, don’t. You are not helping anyway, but I didn’t. I just had my cereal. I was upset that I stood up for myself. I am so tired of her walking in the door, screaming bloody murder for my mother, alarming the hell out of me for nothing. I didn’t pick up when my cousin called. I wasn’t in the mood to talk. I was trying to rest because my calves were still sore and walking was difficult. I needed some Icy Hot or something. I knew it would stink but I didn’t care. I was so desperate for my muscles to stop aching so bad.

I got up to eat, my mother wanted some boiled eggs and I heated up the boiled dinner my bro in law made. The potatoes and carrots were good. The meat was just fat. Then I had my brownies that I made. I was going to have them for dinner but decided to have the boiled dinner instead. My mother made the boiled eggs the way she likes them with vinegar and oil, salt and pepper. I just eat it with a little salt and toast. She was getting around pretty better but I could tell the weather was wreaking havoc on her legs.

All day I felt guilty for staying in bed. I really wanted to see my cousins. But I was in too much pain. I used rubbing alcohol and that helped some. My cousins hoped I felt better. I hope we can see each other again without a death or wedding in between. I hate being a chronic pain person. I slept like shit. I was waking up every few hours. I know I must have taken another BT med around 6 am because I was hurting. My damn ankle pain did not want to let up. I was tossing and turning most of the night. It was awful.

I had decided that I was going to end things this week and then my sister said it was going to be raining Friday. Fucking A. Seriously?? I have to go to PT. I am going to get soaked. I was planning on dying this day. Now I got to pick another damn day. I am so mad!

My friend, who is a nurse and has the same type of nerve injury of me, have been talking about my pain doc situation. I don’t think she understands me when I email her. Her responses are way out there and then I am like what the fuck are you saying? Then I am like what did I write. I read what I wrote in the email to her and there was nothing to suggest what her response is like. So I am just ignoring it because I can’t deal. She is a good friend but sometimes, we just don’t understand what we are saying. So weird and frustrating.

No ballgame tonight. Sox are 50 games over 500. It is ridiculous. They are on pace for at least 115 games. That will be the most they have won since I have been alive. This team is unreal. I love them so much. I am going to try and read Poe Shadow tonight. I fell asleep before I could read last night plus my concentration wasn’t all that great because of pain. I am really trying my best to read as a distraction than use social media as most of it is all political bullshit of the Orange Buffoon. I haven’t been on Twitter too much other than to post shit and then I get off. I check my notifications a few hours later. Twitter has become so political lately about everything. Every candidate and representative is under fire. I hate it. I just want to see kitten and puppy pic or videos. And stupid shit like people posting their dinners and stuff. Back when Twitter was fun. It’s not fun anymore. Maybe I should stop following the people and only those that are kittens and puppies. I don’t know. Weeding through 1,000 people is hard. I have turned off seeing people’s retweets, which has helped some. I really wish I was in academia. I think if I was in school, things would be better and I would be intellectually stimulated more. Facebook is just a thing to do. Thankfully it has become less political, least on my page. I tend to hide the stuff that irritate and annoy me.

any thoughts?

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