three hour evaluations

Three hour evaluations

I had my three 1 hour evaluations today for the pain program. First one was with the social worker. Think I gave too much information about my suicidal history than I would have liked. I did have a teaching moment where I told her “safety contracts” were shit and safety planning was in. She wrote down all that I wrote so I hope she looks it up and it benefits her.

Then I met with the occupational therapist. He was good. Told me to use “wet” heat more, like on a daily basis to try and reduce flares. Yea, cause I know when they are going to happen. I liked the idea though. He was the only part of the three hour ordeal where I didn’t feel threatened.

The last hour, or should I say half hour, was with a physical therapist. I hated this so much. And it upset me more. She had me dorsiflex my foot and when I did so, immediately said I didn’t need the AFO. WTF I am so damn tired of fighting to wear this brace. I probably don’t need it but I know me and how I am when I am out. The last fucking thing I want to do when I am tired after an appointment or other reason I am out and about is drag my leg because my ankle went out or my ankle is too fatigued it can’t flex anymore. I explained this and I got a “yes, I understand”. No you don’t you bitch! You don’t live my life. These people deal with chronic pain patients and this is the attitudes they get? Seriously?? I honestly don’t care if I get into the program or not. I have enough to deal with mentally than deal with the so called professionals who think they know what chronic pain is like when they have never experienced it. I hope they don’t because they are in for a shock when they do.

This PT also said my hips are tight. Yes, I know. Four fucking back surgeries will do that. I also don’t have a curved spine in the lumbar region. I know, it’s more like a question mark than an “S”. So basically my ankle/foot are fine and my hip muscles are tight. I don’t get what she wanted from me, maybe more pain. I don’t know. She said one of my PT evals had my fexion as a zero and today it is a 5. I told her it all depends on the day. I am sure if I saw her now, I wouldn’t have the same results. Or if I had been walking more to get to the office (not wearing my AFO, for example). Then she harped on the right ankle. It will get better, though I am not sure what will happen as they have me going for my left ankle/foot not my right. I am just so disgusted and frustrated.

I asked if I can continue seeing my PT and I could until the people I saw today met and discussed if I was suitable for the program and to work out what treatment plan will happen. It will take a few weeks. I told her I have problems remembering the exercises my PT gives me, even though she gives me a sheet so she marked my memory with a question mark. Okay. I do have trouble remembering something I saw for five minutes and then didn’t have to work on until the next day. I didn’t do any PT today and not going to as I am exhausted. I thought I would be able to make a taco tater tot casserole but I don’t know what I was thinking. I had to rest when I came home and then I just collapsed. I couldn’t move anymore. My foot and ankle started barking at me.

I am debating on keeping an eye on the Sox game or just going to bed. Today if they win, it will be their 100th. I kind of want to stick around for it but I am just so wiped out that I don’t think I can. I just turned on my AC and turned it up to 74. I need air in my room as it is stuffy but it’s kind of cool out. My cheeks are burning up, they are so hot. I need to get a dehumidifier. Cool days like this I can smell the drywall. I hope I don’t have mold. That would be one expensive job to remove it and my mother would freak.

any thoughts?

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