Fatigue is killing me!!!

Fatigue is killing me!!!

My alarm went off and I took my meds. I checked to see when my delivery would be here. It said in about 40 minutes. I quickly made some coffee and had a few sips when the truck came. The delivery didn’t include a few bottle of Powerade and the buffalo wings I had wanted to make for dinner. UGH. I guess it is ramen noodles or something. After I put everything away and then fixed the Powerade bottles so I could take a bag up to my room, I was exhausted. The weather took out my back so I was working slowly. Now I need a nap.

I emailed my psychiatrist around 8 last night to tell her I was frustrated with feeling like shit and being tired all the time worse than I usually am. I waited for a response and got none. It is now almost noon and still no response, I am ready to page her as I want to decrease my dose of my mood stabilizer even before my blood tests. I am just so fucking tired. Doesn’t help that my foot is going fucking bananas right now. It feels like a grater is grating the top of my foot. It is so sensitive right now.

I got an area of my stomach is killing me. Feels like gas is trapped and won’t go anywhere. Just fucking lovely. I have no idea if it is gas or shit. I don’t care but it better be moving because it hurts. I might take some miralax. That might work but if it doesn’t and works tomorrow, I am screwed because I will be out. I am ready to email my doc and say fuck it, I am decreasing my dose by 300 mg. And watch my sodium levels will be higher. (Don’t know if this will happen but I hope it will be so.)

I think I have to take some Neurontin because my foot is not calming down at all. Neuropathy is such a fun thing (being sarcastic here). It really sucks. But the pain is always so different. Drives me fucking crazy.

I am feeling really depressed and feeling like a nothing. Seems like everyone can do things I can’t. I hate that people can walk their dogs or go for walks period and I am over here struggling just to walk down my hallway and around the kitchen.

My lunatic aunt called to say to look out for my mother. When my mother came home, she called out for me. I asked what, and she told me I had a package. It was from my friend that is not doing so well. I honestly didn’t expect a package from him this year because of all his troubles. It was nice that he sent it to me. Now I got to get around to call him. Anyways, I went downstairs, barefoot, and then went to the kitchen where my ankle pain shot up so high my mother thought I was crying. I could have been the pain was so bad. I waited for it to pass but it didn’t. I opened the package and then put the fruit and nuts away. Then put the box in the recycle pile and went upstairs. I had to stop a few times because of pain.

I had a message from my psychiatrist when I got back to my room. WTF she didn’t understand what I have been telling her. I felt like telling her off but I didn’t. I simply said that if I don’t lower the dose of the medication, I won’t be seeing my pcp tomorrow because I will have no energy! I haven’t had a response. I honestly don’t expect one. It is my body and I will do whatever I want to get it so that it somewhat cooperates the way it is supposed to be and if taking 300 mg less of what I take will do that, so be it. I had a salty lunch of Ramen noodles and crackers. I had bought these crackers that were cheese and peanut butter but the filling was just peanut butter so the crackers must have been cheese crackers, I guess. They were good and salty so I didn’t care. If I am up to it, I might make a turkey Shepard’s pie. I really don’t want peas and pasta. I took some Neurontin to calm down the crazy nerve pain I am having. I have no idea if it is going to knock me out or make me goofy. Either case, I will be taking a nap soon and hope that my damn foot pain doesn’t increase. I am just so wiped out that if I don’t sleep, I don’t think I will be making anything.

any thoughts?

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