Just a stupid blog from a brain fogged brain

Just a stupid blog from a brain fogged brain

I went to bed at 7 am. I took my morning meds at that time because I didn’t want to wake up a couple of hours later to that alarm. I wanted to make cookies and shower/shave today. I just ended up making cookies. The oven, which is like 20 years old, is not working right. These cookies should have been done in 10 minutes or so, 20 tops. 40 minutes later, they were still not cooked. WTF. I took my infrared thermometer and found that the temp inside the oven was half of what I had it at. So my brilliant mother said to put it on 400 degrees, 25 more than what I had. Now I have a few burnt cookies and others that are crispy because they browned too much. UGH!!! She yelled at me for not looking at them. What am I supposed to do, look at them every two fucking seconds?? I don’t think they will cook if I am constantly opening the fucking door!! So then I had to clean up. I had dinner first and then tackled the dishes. I didn’t do the pans. I hate washing the pans because I get water all over the fucking place. I honestly don’t think they need to be washed any way because I used a silicone mat and parchment paper. They probably just needed to be wiped down and put back in where they belong.

After the dish washing, I had to rest. My feet were killing me. I shaved my head and put my T shirt in the hamper as it had flour all over it. I went up to my room. I must have rested for like 20 minutes and I had to stand up to grab another bottle of Powerade. HOLY FUCKING HELL!!! My bones in my CRPS ankle felt like it was being crushed! I felt like I was trapped as I couldn’t figure out how to get back into bed. Seems dumb but it is true. I was standing by my bed but couldn’t figure out how to turn around or at least sit on it to swing my legs over. That was how much pain I was in. The pain settled down but my bladder said it had to go. Fuck. I played on my phone like ignoring it would empty my bladder. I wish it worked that way. I stood up and the same thing happened. I grabbed my cane and carefully put on my slippers. I am glad I had the cane to support my leg as it was hard. I went down each step one by one and then when I reached the bottom, I let out a yell. I waited a few minutes before walking to the bathroom. My bladder was ready to lose it. I hurried as fast as I could, holding on to walls and stuff as I walked. I did the deed and washed my hands. I then carefully walked back to the staircase when my mother said I should sit and rest before going upstairs. She doesn’t fucking get CRPS. I was resting. Standing is what is causing me fucking pain!! I need to be in my bed so I could be in my comfy spot and maybe be sleepy enough to lay down and sleep. I don’t know. Pain is so bad right now I don’t think I will sleep even though I am fricken tired. My foot is cold and I put a sock on but I can’t feel it. I never do. I honestly can’t tell sometimes if I am wearing socks unless I look at my feet. Thank you Cauda Equina Syndrome for throwing away my proprioception. My feet are hot so I think I will take off the one sock I am wearing.

I won’t be spending Christmas Day with my family. My friend invited me over to her house so I plan on going. I haven’t seen her in a long time so it will be cool to spend some time with her and her family. I kind of feel bad about it but my friend is bring my older friend who hasn’t been feeling well lately and I really want to see him. He is 82 and it is rare that he is out and about on the holidays. I really would like to spend time with him because there might not be that many left, not that he isn’t in ill health but he isn’t getting any younger. I haven’t told my family yet.

any thoughts?

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