Flares and a fucking cold January storm

Flares and a fucking cold January storm

So Friday night, hell began for me. I was texting a friend for a bit, just shooting the shit. Around 2020, it felt like my high ankle bone was going to snap. I thought I was imagining things but the pain got worse. I didn’t take anything as I thought I was imagining things and then, boom, bones in my ankle and foot were being crushed so bad all I could do was laugh. This was around 2100, a half hour or so later. I took some meds. I couldn’t believe I wasn’t tired as I had a hard time getting to sleep. I went to bed at 6 Friday morning and it was now 9 pm and I was just like WTF. I knew there was a storm coming. I literally felt it in my bones! The pain got worse as the night went on. Then the morning came and I just passed out from exhaustion. I had taken a whole lot of bunch of gabapentin, pain meds, and Ativan (only 2 though) to get me through the night. Saturday, I was exhausted and slept most of the day. I don’t even remember what time I woke up. But when I was awake, pain was still there. I felt like my foot was being split in half and then when the night hours came around, I was in agony again. It took a fucking lot not to end my life this weekend because I was hurting so much. I was using the walker to get around as I just needed the support more than anything.

Yesterday was similar, though not as bad. The temps were down to as low as 2 degrees F. I wasn’t hot in my room as it was so cold out. My voice has been up and down all weekend. My mother finally said something yesterday. She first asked me if I had the window open in my room. No. Then she asked if I had my fan on. I said no. Then she said it is the cold messing with your voice. HAHAHAHA if only. Today it is not so irritated. I kept having to clear my throat as there just felt like there was stuff there and I couldn’t cough it up. Much better today though. I asked my sister if I sounded different and she said not really. I did an experiment on FB where I did a video and just talked for a bit to see if those that knew me thought my voice was different. A dear friend said that I sounded like Morgan Freeman, and I was like NO I DO NOT! LOL. She was happy to see the changes and stuff so that made me happy. She is a very good friend and glad to be on this journey with me.

Tomorrow I got to call the TG doc’s office because I thought I had the appointment with her Friday but in the patient website thingy, it says the 1st of Feb. Either I put it in wrong or they changed it without telling me. I am going to be pissed if this happened because WTF. I would have showed up Friday just to be told to go home?? Not cool when you have difficulty getting to appointments as it is. So we’ll see who is wrong.

I have my shot this week so I will be taking pics. I think my fat face is getting bigger because I am fat. It had thinned out but either the way I am taking them or the lighting is making me look like I have fat rolls on my face, which I do not like. I hate doing the selfies. I was mad one night because I was in pain and just took like 5 selfies with different faces and posted it on IG with some bitchy thing. I couldn’t help it because I was so miserable that night.

I am so glad I didn’t see my therapist today because there is ice everywhere. It snowed then it turned to sleet/rain and froze because the temp dropped so suddenly. I haven’t taken a shower in like a week. Last week I had so many doctor’s appointments that it was ridiculous. I had something every day. I got a new brace for my right foot/ankle which is a bitch to lace up. It is a good kind though, probably better than Walgreens/CVS brand because the stability things can come out. I used it on Friday and added 20 minutes to my get ready time. Thing is going to be so great during PT as the PT is going to have to help me take it on/off as I cannot bend or move to see where the laces should be laced up. I shaved and kind of buzzed my head, and totally fucked up the back. Well the whole thing is messed up as I couldn’t get the trimmer to work right so some places got buzzed and other places didn’t. My barber is good and will see me tomorrow to fix it. I will pay him on Wed. Or make him his favorite dish that he loves. His wife loves it too so I am glad I get to show off my cooking skills. I miss cooking so much. I have been wanting to bake these stupid chocolate chip cookies that I bought special ingredient for and because of fucking pain/flares, I haven’t been able to make it. I think I need more breakthrough meds during the day to help me get through the fucking day or the ER dose needs to be increased. I have had it and with winter just showing up, it can only be a bad thing in the coming months. I am going to email my chickenshit PCP and tell him this because I am going to keep having nights where I am going to bed at 4-6/7 in the morning! I don’t see him again till March and winter will be over by then or close to it. I am just worried what February will bring.

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