Feeling ill with no sleep and little appetite
I realized when I got on my laptop today that it has been almost three days since my last post. It has been difficult to write because I haven’t been sleeping well and pain has been a bitch. Also been feeling under the weather the past few days and not sure if I am getting a cold or what. My voice has been all over the fricken map. I think I am going to email my doc and be like when is this going to stabilize because I can’t stand one minute I have vocals and the next I don’t or sound like a frog! I know this is a process but I thought it would be gradual progression not a constant up and down thing. I did a pic on IG. You can definitely see a change and my chin is being more defined. Just wish I could lose a little weight to get rid of the fat under it.
I have been trying to eat but lately I just don’t feel like it. Not sure if this is mood related or because I am just not feeling well. One minute I feel fine and the next dizzy and weak. I’ve been at least trying to increase my fluids but even that is difficult. I was supposed to see my psych today but I didn’t fall asleep till almost 7 am this morning. My sleep has been so fucking awful. I am not sure if my last post said that a social worker called for a phone eval for a therapist. I thought the social worker that works with my PCP was just going to outright refer me to someone and then they would call me. Now I got to wait six weeks to find out if they will take me on. Fuck. It doesn’t really matter any as right now I am having so much trouble walking and going out it isn’t funny anymore. Since my double appointment last week, I have been recovering. I thought I was okay but Tuesday I had gone out after putting my groceries away and I guess that was too much. My right calf is just horrible and the more I try and stretch it or walk, it just kills. I also had cramps in my foot the other day which freaked me out. I have been sleeping with a pillow between my legs since because I think my left foot has been pressing on the golf ball, causing it to cramp because I have overused the muscles so much. I really don’t like this going to one appointment or go out for something, like getting my haircut, and then being immobile the next few days. I really can’t limp on either leg for support because that just makes it worse. When I am downstairs I use the walker to get around so I am not putting so much weight on my legs. I still sort of limp unconsciously. Then the heel pain jacks up and I really am done. For two days, my CRPS pain was down the lowest it had ever been. I think it was because the heel pain was so high it couldn’t process the other pain. Well, last night while moving the pillow under the sheets, I “hit” my big toe on the CRPS foot and set it off. Then I moved my ankle two hours after taking the breakthrough med and I was up all night. I was so fricken tired I couldn’t get comfortable. I was playing with the pillows, turning it this way and that, then switching to the body pillow but couldn’t get that right either. I was so fucking annoyed.
I was supposed to go do an errand for my mother today but because I haven’t been feeling well, my mother did it. I forgot to renew my T-pass for the month so will have to pay when I go out again. I am hoping I can go to the Square tomorrow to get the ground beef I need for my barber’s dish I been promising him. Then I have been waiting for two bills to clear my checking account only to find out I never paid them. I think I paid the majority of my bills in the early morning on Wed when I got paid, went back to sleep with the thoughts of doing it when I got up, and forgot. Oh well. I am glad I paid today because one of them was due tomorrow. Oops!
Because I am not seeing my psych, I have been emailing her to try and get the Lamictal called in. I’ve sent her two emails because Sunday is my last dose and I don’t have anymore. I hated cancelling but I really didn’t feel well and will being up all night, I didn’t think it was a good idea. If I have to, I will try and Uber to my PT appointment Tuesday. I hope that this PT regimen will pay off because I didn’t have as much calf pain as I do now since the whole stretching bullshit. I have had to modify how long I hold the stretch to just ten seconds and rest a bit before doing another. Last night I got so annoyed, I just did two stretches and think I positioned the belt wrong because my ankle flared up. Like WTF. Seems like every time I do something I have one step forward and ten back! I just decided I am just going to do what I can to try and get my ankle and foot functioning but it is so damn hard when pain stops you. The heel pain is so fucking intense it literally consumes the whole of you. I’ve never had pain that bad before, aside from the CRPS pain, but this is probably worse! Least the pain meds are controlling the CRPS pain. I have been taking ibuprofen and Tylenol for the heel pain. Nothing else seems to work. There was a study on using these two together to reduce pain after hip replacement surgery. Pain relief was only for three days but I will take it if it calms it down enough for me to do the exercises and not flare it back up. Standing after I have been reclining in bed for a while is the worse because my CRPS ankle bones feel like they are being crushed and that pain takes a while to subside before I can put my right foot down, while then my heel starts hurting. How I have been walking is beyond me. Maybe I should consider a cortisone shot though it goes against my beliefs. I had one cortisone injection in my wrist many years ago and it helped the tendonitis pain I was having. Maybe one shot will do the trick and then I won’t hurt so much. I got the new ankle brace (the 4th one I am trying). I didn’t realize it had straps to go underneath. That might aggravate the golf ball and heel. I will have to try it out. Just getting up the nerve to use it. LOL