Problems fixed, sort of

Problems fixed, sort of

Yesterday I got a notification, again, saying that my bank was invalid to receive royalties from my books. I haven’t been paid since Feb. I have been in contact with Amazon about it. I was to receive a response May 19th, but didn’t hear anything. I emailed them again a day or two when I was home from the hospital. They still didn’t have an answer for me. I had re-entered my information and it still was “invalid”. Today I finally got a response that whatever the issue was, it was now fixed. I should receive my royalties in the next pay cycle, which would be the end of June, I hope. I don’t think it will be much as I haven’t sold that many books. Maybe 1 book per month, though while I was in hospital, a few patients bought a copy of my memoir. I had 3 sales, which is the most I have had in a while. I won’t get royalties for these sales until next month (which won’t be more than $10).

My UTI is clearing up though the urinary pain pills I took are still making my urine orange. Because of this, I am unable to tell if my urine is clear or cloudy. It is dark, but think that is because I barely had anything to drink yesterday. I slept all day and wanted to today but forced myself to get some coffee and eat something. I had a pop tart. I am so off kilter today for some reason. I keep losing my train of thought and remembering how to spell words. I really have to think which sometimes is just blankness.

I had to move the stuff in front of my window because rain was coming. Then I decided to put my recycling in a bag and my back said fuck you. I still did it but now I am still hurting. I hope it goes away so I can shower. I had a box of trash bags but I can’t seem to remember where I put them. I am so frustrated. I needed to find my ethernet cable as my wifi is slow with the internet. I can’t stand waiting for a page to load. The ethernet is a little bit faster. I don’t have cable or FIOS (type of fiber cable). It is too expensive. I looked into cable and for every box you needed for TV, there was a price for it. The bill would be more than $200 and I can’t afford that. I might look into a different service provider. My nephew was telling me there was a company that just did internet services that was cheap and had high speeds for downloads/uploads. I am going to see about it.

I haven’t been eating much past few days. Yesterday I just had a bowl of cereal and then went back to sleep. Today I had coffee as I had a headache but it didn’t clear up the spaceyness I feel. I had a pop tart with the coffee but couldn’t finish the second one. I am hungry but I don’t know what to eat. Have a few options, either an egg and toast or Ramen noodles. I don’t think I have anything else that is appealing. I have the deep dish pizza from Red Baron but it has lost their appeal. Doesn’t help the last few times I have made it, I didn’t make it right or burned it. I got to go to the grocery store as I am running low on my Gatorades. I sort of got used to taking my meds with water but like to take it with something sweeter. I also need coffee as I got just one bottle left of the iced Starbucks. My K-cups have been used either by my sister or nephew. I am not happy about this as they don’t replace it. Hoping Saturday I will make a marinara sauce as I have been craving spaghetti. I might get the premade meatballs while I am there. Only trouble is they don’t reheat well. I will eat them cold though.

Tues I have an appointment with a therapist. I am kind of worried though. I had some questionnaires to fill out. In the appointment box, it says “triage.” I am not sure if this appointment is for an evaluation or not. I don’t want to be evaluated and told I need to wait to see someone else or if this is just because it is our first appointment or what. I am already nervous about this and now I am more nervous. I have waited nearly three months to see someone. I would fricken hate if this is just another “you need a different level of care so here is a referral number.” I will lose my shit if this happens. Then when I calm down, I will not go back to therapy. I will just see my psych and that will be all. I see my psych on Monday and will tell her this. I am tired of being turned away from nearly every therapist within a five mile radius of my house.

any thoughts?

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