shitty day times two

Shitty day times two

I am not having a good day. I texted my therapist but got no response. I didn’t think I would get one. I am feeling bad about myself because I crapped my pants, not once but twice today. The first was around 2 am. I had to pee and found that I had shit myself. What a damn surprise. I got cleaned up and then I couldn’t sleep because I was awake. I didn’t go back to sleep till around 0500. I woke up to take my morning meds and crapped myself again. I was not happy. I went to the bathroom and crap poured out of me like water. I cleaned myself up again and then made coffee. The half and half curdled my coffee so I didn’t drink much of it. I tried but I couldn’t get past it. It tasted fine but I didn’t want to risk another stomach upset. Today was shit in a hand basket and there was nothing I could do about it. I tried going back to sleep but I couldn’t. I decided to shave and shower. After that I was exhausted. My back was giving me fits. I took another muscle relaxer to help quite it down.

After waiting for the med to kick in, I decided to make something to eat. I made a turkey bacon sandwich. It was so good and hit the spot. Now I am really tired and need a nap. I am trying to fight it so that I can go to sleep early.

The cool weather has finally arrived and I love it. My mother is freezing and had to turn the heat on last night because she was cold. Luckily, the heat didn’t come on in my room for some reason. It might not have been turned up all the way. My radiator is finicky. It will either be freezing cold or burning hot. There is no in between. This winter is probably going to be colder than it has been because our summer was so hot. I just hope we don’t get snow. I don’t like snow. Freezing temps I am ok with.

I feel really bad about crapping myself today. I know it is a risk when I have loose stool. I just can’t hold it. I am just glad I didn’t empty my bowels in my pants. That would have been worse. This is the third time I have lost control of my bowels since my surgery. I don’t feel the stool at all, unless it is hard. And I can’t distinguish between air and stool when I get the urge to fart. The second crap was a shart I wasn’t aware of until after the fact. It still strikes a blow to my dignity. It is going to take some time to recover.

any thoughts?

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