Category: baseball

Cubs Win, Baseball Season is Over

by Midnight Demon, posted in baseball

Cubs win, baseball season is over

It was a thrilling game. The Chicago Cubs won after a 108 year drought. I was cursing them the whole time but I was rooting for them just the same. I don’t like their manager, Joe Maddon. I think he is a crooked guy.

My love, for now, has ended and I am sad. I won’t see another game until March, when Spring Training starts, that is if I am still alive by then. I will miss baseball for the next few months and the depression will kick in and knock me to my knees. I hate this. I have what is called BDD, baseball depressive disorder. Only cure is baseball games and they don’t start until March a long ways from now.

I’m up late again

by Midnight Demon, posted in baseball, Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

I’m up late again

Around 2100, I started to feel sleepy. I knew that if I laid down, the chances of my pain increasing was high so I stayed up a little longer until I couldn’t. So I must have been down for about maybe twenty minutes when the pain kicked up. I took some pain meds and I have been up since.

I wrote my friend a letter thinking it would get my mind off things and it did, and I laid down once more only to be hit with more pain. Then I got hot. I checked my room temp and it was just above 70 degrees. I turned the ceiling fan on to cool down. I had both feet out from under the blankets to feel the cool air. Once they turned cold, maybe I could sleep. I am still hoping. It hasn’t happened yet.

I have been talking with the voices most of the evening. They are my regular voices, not the mean ones that tell me I am an addict and that I should take all the pills because it will be better for me. It’s funny because when I tell my psychiatrist or therapist this, they don’t say anything to contradict the voice. I guess they assume I know I am not but it would be nice for them to say it so it counteracts the voices inside my head that I am internalizing.

I know part of the reason I am not asleep is because the magic hour of 2 am hasn’t hit yet. Seems that hour is when I can finally go to sleep. Or soon after. It’s been this way all week. The last two days I have slept really late. I hope to sleep late today too but I forgot to get one ingredient for my cake that I want to make Sunday.

It’s only been a few days time, but I already miss my Sox playing. There is still baseball being played but I am not really interested in it. I am interested in the National league game because I wonder if this is the year for the Cubs. We’ll see.

Disappointing end to an up and down season

by Midnight Demon, posted in baseball

Disappointing end to an up and down season

My Sox lost tonight. They came close to catching up to the Indians but they just couldn’t pull it off. I am deeply saddened by this. I was having mini heart attacks throughout the game. I didn’t know if watching it would make it better or worse as I was listening to it on the radio. So I just stayed in my room and listened impatiently. A few times I wish I had Xanax to calm me down.

The Fenway Faithful stayed after the game to send off Big Papi. They actually refused to leave without his sendoff. I almost cried. Papi has never been my favorite player despite all that he has done for the team. I just thought of him as a show off with a big mouth. He has been quiet all season though, despite his retirement. Even though he has done well hitting and scoring runs, he still wants to be retired. I will miss his smile and leadership on the team. Surprisingly, we are the same age.

I don’t know what to do now that the Sox season is over. I usually watch whatever team I fancy and usually switch until the World Series and then I pick a team to win. I have my college football games and of course, my Pats but football is played just once a week and it’s hard filling in the gap during the play time. Baseball was at least every three or four games in a row. I love baseball. I know it’s about numbers and stats and it seems every year they tack on something new to add to stats. I don’t really pay attention to it, nor do I record it in my brain. I just remember the good plays and the not so good ones.

So now I get to retire my ball caps and change it for football ones. And when the football season ends I will have a month and a half before my Sox are back on the field. I don’t know who will take over as DH. No one can replace Ortiz, that is a certainty. But there is a position to be filled and I wonder who will fill it.

9 Oct 16 Morning Blog

by Midnight Demon, posted in baseball, Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

9 Oct 16 Morning Blog

I woke up early because I had to use the bathroom and now I can’t go back to sleep. I hate when that happens. So now I am thinking about food because I am hungry but I don’t know what to make. I know I want bacon and pancakes but I can never seem to make both because they are messy to make and I hate clean up. I also want eggs. I wish there was an IHOP near me. That would solve the problem because I could order what I want and not have to worry about cleaning the dishes and pans afterwards.

Yesterday, I got a reminder that my prescription was ready. I thought it was kind of odd because I didn’t put in anything for a refill. My doc called in the medication. I was bullshit because she didn’t write it as twice a day like I take it. She wrote it for once a day. I am so upset. She knows that me taking it once a day doesn’t work all the time and that I need a second dose. I have enough medication to last me until I see her next. And I am going to yell at her for not writing it the way I take it. I know she wants me to take it just once a day and I really wish it worked but it doesn’t. As long as I am not having side effects, which I am not, I am okay with taking it twice a day. I thought she was okay with it, too. There is some miscommunication and I hope to clarify it once I see her again.

It’s raining today. I don’t know if I am going to go out to get my pumpkin that I need to make my cake. I should have made the cake rather than the fluff. Oh well. I like the fluff but it’s too much and there is no way I can eat it all. I will be giving some to my therapist when I see her on Tuesday.

My back is still hurting me. I am getting spasms around my waist that really hurt and paralyze me with pain. It makes it difficult to move. It’s getting better as it’s not as painful but it still bothers me. I don’t know what brings it on as I never experienced this before. I hope it goes away soon. It’s not pleasant.

I have my football and baseball game today. I got to find out when time the football game it. I think it’s at one but I could be wrong. I know the baseball game is at 4. The baseball game is more important to me than football. If the Sox don’t win, their season is over and I will be sad. My favorite pitcher is on the mound today but he hasn’t had a good year. I just hope he doesn’t get walloped.