Category: Bipolar Disorder

dental appointment and other things

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Dental appointment and other things

I had my cavities filled. There were two that needed them. The third is just being watched as the prescription toothpaste seems to be helping it. I am still numb and am slowly getting feeling back. I had a frozen dinner for supper because it was soft. I can only chew on my left side right now because my right is still numb. I have to go back in two weeks because I have another cavity on my left side but it is small. At this point, I just want to get it over with so I will have it done and then come back in 6 months for a cleaning. I will try to be better at brushing my teeth. It isn’t always easy because I lack the motivation to brush because of pain or depression that I feel.

My ankle is really hurting but because I am still having difficulty swallowing, I can’t take any meds at this time. I am going to try though in about a half hour. The dentist asked what I wanted to be called and I told him G. He then asked what pronoun and I said he. He was very accepting about it. I was so happy. It was a relief.

I am very tired as I had taken some Ativan to relax me for the procedure. I still wasn’t as relaxed as I thought I would be. Some of the shavings or whatever you want to call them, fell in the back of my throat and caused me to choke. The stupid assistant was not good with the suction thing. Now that the stress of it is over, I just want to sleep. But it’s too early to. I hope I don’t catch my second wind later.

I was able to shower even though my back didn’t like it at all. It cramped soon as I got in. Saves me from having to take one tomorrow as I need to be up early. I have an early appointment with my psych. I think it will be our last appointment for this month as she is taking a three week vacation. I think it starts next week, but I could be wrong. I’ll find out tomorrow. She will still have access to her email. I just won’t be able to page her because her beeper will be signed out to her boss.

I still haven’t heard from the therapy center. I sent them two requests. I am going to give them another week and see what happens. I’ve done all I can but camp out at their office. If I don’t hear from them by the end of next week, I will move on to someone else. Who that will be, I have no fricken clue. A friend gave me a referral network number so I think I will call and see if I get anywhere. It might be worth a shot.

thunderstorms, sleepless night, and pain

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Thunderstorms, sleepless night, and pain

There were storms this afternoon that started soon after I took my second nap of the day. I went to bed around 7. I didn’t plan on it but my damn ceiling fan made some scary noises and I couldn’t sleep. I put it on a lower setting and the noise stopped. I need to have my brother in law look at it. I have had it running non stop for a while so it might be on its way out.

I got a text from a friend around 3 and as I was up, I responded. We ended up talking till around 6. I made breakfast, wrote my psych an email saying I was again up all night, and then went back to sleep. Back has been hurting off and on all day. It was very humid today so I didn’t venture out. I also didn’t make coffee. I was too sleepy for it. I had called the dentist to verify that I do I have an appointment tomorrow and I do. I am not looking forward to it.

My ankle pain is still there. It woke me up for dinner. My mother made raviolis. It was good. I might have some ice cream later on. I’m still feeling really tired despite sleeping most of the day. Think I am going to sleep until it is time for my night meds and then sleep some more. Just too tired to do anything else and the storms are really hurting my back.

might be storms so back is hurting

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Might be storms so back is hurting

I can’t seem to get away from pain the last few weeks. The weather is wrecking havoc on me. There might be thunderstorms this afternoon so my back is in a tizzy. I am hurting so much it is difficult to move. And my damn ankle/foot is going berserk on me. I am so damn tired, physically and mentally of being in pain all the time. I just want to sleep but I can’t get comfortable.

I’m also getting hungry. I think I might have some granola cereal. Monday when I went to the store, I wanted to get another box but they were all out. None of the other kinds of granola looked good to me as it had raisins or blueberries. I just like oats and honey. I will order two boxes when I do my grocery shopping at the end of the month.

I had some bad dreams today. One had very bad music in my head about dying. My brain has been making up lyrics and melodies. This was the first time it was bad stuff. I don’t remember it now but it was very upsetting. I hope it goes away. I texted my ex-therapist. I really miss her. She responded saying she misses me too and that she thinks of me often. I wish we could have a coffee or something but I don’t think that would be appropriate. It really sucks that we ended. Her birthday is this coming Monday. I will text her a Happy Birthday message. I’ve been doing it for a long time.

The Red Sox had a walk off Home run by my new favorite catcher, Christian Vazquez. He is so adorable and quick to throw out base stealers. I really like him. I am glad he won the game with his homer. Otherwise, they probably would still be playing in extra innings. We are back in first because the Skankees lost. It’s only by half a game but I’ll take it. There is only two more months of regular season baseball so every win counts.

It’s supposed to be really humid today. I’m not going to like it so I’m not sure I will go out for my espresso and steak and egg wrap. That is my new favorite breakfast sandwich at Starbucks. It is so good. I like it better than the bacon sandwiches I usually get. The rewards for this week is to get a double smoke bacon sandwich, a mocha, and then a mocha frappachino. I don’t like frappuchinos. I have had this type of reward before. I just don’t feel like participating in it this week. I just like my espresso with soy milk. I still like a mocha but I have gotten used to just espresso. Less calories.

If I stay home, I will make my egg and cheese wrap with the last lavash bread that I have. I can’t believe the package only has 4 wraps. Oh well. Maybe I will order it on my next grocery list. It is pretty good. I will also make my Hawaiian coffee. It is much better than Pike. I love the hazelnut notes in it. It is as strong as Pike but with a different taste.

I ordered another book called, Fire on the Mountain. It’s a historical fiction book based on what if Harper had succeeded in the South during the American Civil War. I like reading those kind of things. I really want to re-read Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, which is the last book in the series. It’s be on Twitter the past week or so because last week was the anniversary of its release. I have read it many times. It’s probably one of my favorites of the series. The book I have is hardcover and paperback. The hardcover has been on my rug for some time now. It’s kind of buried with stuff on top of it. If I dig it out, I hope it doesn’t cause an avalanche. That would suck.

I’m going to eat something and then try and sleep. Later my readers.

a low key day

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Very low key day

I woke up around 0230 and didn’t go back to sleep till around 7/8. Around 0600, I decided to make breakfast because I was getting hungry. I made scrambled eggs with pepper jack cheese in a lavash bread that I bought yesterday. It was really good. I then decided to make my new coffee, which turned out to be a mistake. By the time it was done, I was falling asleep. I drank some it, hoping it would keep me awake but my tiredness overwhelmed the coffee’s effects. The mug was stainless steel and kept coffee hot so I grabbed the cover and tightly put it on. I didn’t want to waste my delicious, expensive coffee on the first cup! I went back to sleep and slept till around 1315.

I woke up again hungry. I drank my coffee and it was warm. I had a few more sips of it and then I couldn’t drink anymore. It was a big mug. I wanted to make turkey roll ups with cranberry sauce so I did. It was so good, I made two. Then I got sleepy again. While I slept, my phone went off but I didn’t answer the call. I figured it was my mother telling me dinner was ready. I was wrong. It was my doctor’s office calling me about a prescription I requested early this morning or last night. I don’t remember. She said she would email me through their secure email service so I checked it a little while later. The medication is drops for my ears because I have eczema. My ear canals have been really itchy lately and the drops that I have are expired. I don’t have anymore refills because those are expired as well. I don’t use the drops every day, just when my ears are itchy. The email asked if I had an ear infection of some sort. So I replied and had to explain why I needed the drops. I will call tomorrow if it doesn’t get called in. Kind of weird that I put in the request early in the morning and they didn’t call me until after closing time.

My pain has been bad all day. I made myself two meals and my ankle didn’t like it at all. I took my night meds a little while ago. I really have just been sleeping all day, waking up because my pain meds wore off. This condition is terrible. I hate being in pain all the time. I could see if I went out or something but I didn’t. I know it’s more like a recovery day for me as yesterday I did a lot of things. I am glad the heating pad that I used to ease the soreness on the bottom of my foot helped. I really need to get some kind of cushion for my AFO.

Sox are losing right now. Someone threw a stat out that Sale has gone so many innings without a run and I replied saying you just jinx him. He gave up 3 in the first inning. Asshole whoever that person was. If I saved the tweet, I would have shoved it in his face.

I need to change my sheets. I spilled a little coffee on them when I took the sip to see if it was hot. The foam topper is shifting again, pulling to one side so I guess I will have something to do tomorrow, if my pain is low. It shouldn’t take me too long as my bed, though a mess, is still fairly easy to clear off. I just hate changing sheets.