Category: chronic physical pain

slow moving saturday

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

Slow moving Saturday

Last night, I said to myself, I will take my night meds after I publish my blog. I have been doing it the last few nights as I have been writing my blog around med time. But for some reason, it completely slipped my mind. And hour and a half later, I realize I hadn’t taken my meds yet because I was feeling icky. I knew I was going to be up late because of it. Around midnight, a friend was having a hard time and needed someone to talk to so she called me. We talked for 2 hours. Just as I was ready to drift off, my ankle bone flares up. I didn’t go to sleep for another hour as I was trying to get comfortable.

My med alarm went off and I shut it off but didn’t take my med. Then my alarm went off as my groceries were going to be delivered and I wanted to have breakfast before it came. I took my meds but stayed in bed. I didn’t really sleep, I was just so exhausted. I checked the time the groceries were going to be delivered and it was quarter past ten. I must have dozed off but heard my text message and it was 1015. Crap. I went downstairs. I put the phone in my pocket and then when I got to the second flight, I adjust my pants as they were falling down. My phone promptly fell out of my pocket and down the entire flight of stairs. It alarmed my mother and I said my phone fell. Thankfully the Otterbox saved my phone as I am sure it would have been shattered otherwise.

I went outside. It was still hot and humid but a little cooler than yesterday, but not by much. I waited for the delivery and then when he came, showed him where to drop off the stuff. I put the stuff away as he dropped the bags until he was done. Took him three trips. I didn’t realize I ordered so much powerade and Gatorade. I also ordered a bunch of other stuff. Fricken painsomnia shopping. I put things away and was sweating my ass off as the house was warmer than outside. After everything was put away, I took a shower. I didn’t get dressed because of the humidity. I just wrapped a towel around me and went to cool off in my room. Then once I was cool, I dressed. I didn’t put on long PJs, just shorts.

I then had something to eat. I thought about having coffee but I really didn’t feel like making it. I made a fried egg and toast. I also had a donut. I had bought some Starbucks coffee drinks so I had one with the donut. Something upset my stomach. I think I used too much black pepper on my egg. I think I got to cut down on using it. I love black pepper but apparently, my stomach doesn’t. I went back up to my room and took my meds. I have been taking one of my bipolar pills and allegra. It seems to be cutting down on the dizziness I feel around 1800. Trouble is it makes me sleepy. I put on Phil Collins. He just came out with a new album and it brought back a lot of memories. At least two songs, which I haven’t heard in years, made me cry with happiness. I needed a nap and so laid down. Of course, my mother called me just as I was dozing off. I didn’t answer the phone. I slept a few hours. Rain was beating on the AC and it woke me up. I just stay in bed for another hour. When I finally decided to get up, I called my mother to find out what she wanted. It was something stupid so I was glad I didn’t answer the phone. My stomachache had gotten worse so I took some Mylanta. I was hungry but didn’t know if I should make the steak or not. I had it marinating for at least 5 hours. It was so hot in the house because my mother had closed the kitchen door due to the rain.

I am debating listening to the game tonight. They lost last night. Sale was sucky. And then the bullpen really made it so the Sox couldn’t catch up in the bottom of the 8th inning. UGH. They are twenty games over 500 and even though the Snakes are half a game behind, they look like they are in 1st because of their percentage. UGH. Not happy about this. Hate it!!

The end is near! (about Dostoevsky)

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

The end is near! (about Dostoevsky)

So a couple of years ago, I got on a Dostoevsky kick. I wanted to read some of his books and a few that were popular but never got a chance to. I got this bundle on Kindle for like two bucks and it was a collection of his books that I wanted to read. I started the Brothers Karamazov. Six months into it and I just felt like there was no end to this book. I looked up the chapter list on line as with an eBook, you can’t really tell if you are progressing or not. The percentage thing wasn’t working for me because it was for the entire collection, not what I was reading. I eventually lost interest and read other things, intending to go back but never did.

Then this week as I was traveling to my doctor’s appointment, a guy was reading the book and I bought it on Amazon, the physical book, to see where I was. This pic shows I am not that far from finishing it!! I feel better knowing this as even though I had 20 or so chapters left, I had no idea how small or big they were. I plan to make this my June goal to finish this book. After the Sox games, I will read a chapter or two. Tonight the game is at 8 so if I am stuck with painsomnia, I will try and see if reading helps.

If you have never read Dostoevsky or heard about him, he is a Russian writer from the late 1800’s. He suffered from epilepsy and would have visions prior to having fits. His book the Idiot talks about this and describes it in good detail. His writing style is kind of like mine where I can start writing and then go off topic for a bit, losing the original thought. His Diary that I read was very much like this. I remember reading one day and he said he was going to talk about three things. He started talking about one thing and three hours later, the chapter ended without mentioning the other two! I had only picked up the book because one of the suicidologists that I followed had mentioned that Dostoevsky wrote about suicide notes. It was only a fricken paragraph and it was near the end of the diary, volume 1. Never finished that book either. It was monstrous. I thought about getting volume 2 but never did. I don’t remember why.

I’ve spent most of the day on social media. I also took a few pics of things and saved some pics to post, either to Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook. I was kind of bored. It was too hot and humid to go out. Just going to my kitchen was a struggle. My legs still hurt and my right calf is hard as a rock. I get the cheap massagers Sunday. I don’t know why I am not getting them tomorrow as I had 2 day delivery but oh well. I am getting a shitload of things tomorrow. I went on a spree. My groceries will be delivered because I just had to have my sweets. I also ordered steak and burgers. I hope everything comes in.

I found out this morning that the new antidepressant causes nausea. It happened within 40 minutes of taking it. I took it without Zofran, but then had to take it because I was getting sick. I emailed my psych to tell her I was not going to take it unless she wanted me to take it with the Zofran. I guess there isn’t an antidepressant that I can take.

I foolishly bought a new Bluetooth headset. I might be returning it because it is kind of heavy, which I wasn’t expecting. It also takes four hours to charge, which kind of sucks. I have to have them fully charged before I can use them. If I don’t like how they are after the first use, they are going back! Amazon also had a deal where you get 3 pens that I like with refills. So I scored them. I am a pen freak. I only have 6 dozen+ I don’t know how many others. I have them in every bag and backpack I own, as well as pants/shorts pocket. I try never to leave home without a pen. It’s like the American Express card, don’t leave home without it.

payback is a bitch

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

Payback is a bitch

I know I was hurting yesterday when I came home from my appt and getting my phone fixed. Today my legs were so damn sore. The back of both my legs made it impossible to walk. I did my one thing, which was to get the trash and recycles out of my room. I also dumped a box so now I have a little more access to my desk. Eventually I will get the pile of old mail that is on my desk and go through it. Maybe I will do that tomorrow as it is supposed to be hotter and humid. I hate the heat. Just going out to the bins made me so tired. The bags were only in the sun for maybe 5 minutes and they got so hot. I am sure if they were left, they would have melted.

I mostly stayed in my room. A friend on Twitter told me about these dog teeth cleaning toys that are cheap and you can use to massage your legs. I had posted that I had difficulty getting to the floor to use a tennis ball on my legs and she suggested that. The one I saw on Amazon was spikey so not sure if that was what she meant. She said Walgreens might have them, so I am going to check them out the next time I go out.

I’ve been listening to the radio while playing on my laptop and phone. It just hurt to do anything. I took a pic of my ankle this morning and didn’t realize it was so swollen. It just feels like there is a knife in it and I’m being stabbed repeatedly. Standing hurts. I might have to wear the boot the next time I go downstairs as my ankle almost gave out while coming back to my room after dinner. I am so tired of being in pain.

bitch rant about everything today

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

Bitch rant about everything today

So my fucking pain woke me up *kindly* at 3 am. Took an hour and half to get back to sleep. When my alarm went off, I didn’t want to get up. I stayed in bed for 45 minutes, literally down to the minute to get up to use the bathroom, brush my teeth, and then get dressed to catch the bus. I got to the bus stop and checked the schedule. The bus wasn’t coming for another half hour to the Square so caught the other bus to catch another bus. I got to Starbucks and joyfully had my espresso. After yesterday’s hassles for caffeine fix, this was heaven. I had a sandwich and then had to catch the train. My pain had gone down, and I was suspicious but just kept going.

The doc was about a half hour late. She said I could take the allegra twice a day until allergy season was over (I have year round allergies, so don’t know what this means!) My lungs were clear and then I begged her for a chem panel to check my electrolytes. She put the diagnosis as bipolar 2 as she didn’t think my insurance would cover with a bronchitis diagnosis. Whatever. This was at 11 am. Still no labs back. I hope my potassium isn’t elevated.

I went to Boston’s Back Bay area to get my second phone fixed. It was going to take an hour so I went across the street to Starbucks so I could write in my journal. It was a nice day. The Starbucks didn’t have seating inside so I sat outside. I was by the Public Gardens and when my phone was done, I so wanted to walk through them but I was already tired and knew if I tried, I would hurt.

I went a different way home. I didn’t have to wait too long for the bus. I came home and I was just wiped out. I wasn’t having too much pain in my ankle/foot. I went up to my room and I nearly collapse. I just had a severe wave of exhaustion. I wanted a nap but couldn’t seem to settle down. I made a couple of phone calls. I ended up with voicemails so had to wait for callbacks. Luckily, both called me back and I was able to settle the issues. I will be seeing my former PT next week for my groin issue. I sent her an email saying I would be seeing her soon and the reason why. I am glad I don’t have to go through my history as she knows it.

After about an hour and trying to figure out what to have for dinner, my ankle flared and I got a migraine. I was just not happy. I was also frustrated. My mother was watching some show with bad violin playing. I complained on Twitter and some Canadian responded saying it was a PSA for strokes. I had no idea what she was talking about. She then explained, like I gave a shit. She also sent me a YouTube video. I didn’t watch it. I don’t fucking care. Leave me the fuck alone. I said my mother was WATCHING not that she was playing a violin. Jeez.

My mother then went to the kitchen and turned on the TV. My head exploded so I wasn’t going to the kitchen right then. I figure I would wait till she was done and then get something to eat. 45 minutes later she is still there and doing the dishes, with the TV full fucking blast. I went downstairs. As I made an egg, I lowered the TV. When it was done, I said are you watching the TV. My mother said no do you want to change the channel. I said no, I want it off. She then asked if my ears hurt. I said no, I have a migraine. She sarcastically said something and walked away. WTF. My mother just doesn’t understand anything that is wrong with me, be it a migraine, my psych issues, my CRPS, etc. Leave me the fuck alone. I ate in silence until my mother turned the TV in the living room on and turned up the fucking volume. Thanks Ma. I wanted a hammer so I could smash the fucking thing. She has closed captioning so why she needs the fucking noise, I have no idea. Even on mute, the words come on the screen. I was fuming and it wasn’t helping my head or ankle.

went into a flare when I went back up to my room and my nephew came by. We chatted and flare seemed to settle. Went downstairs and my mother wanted coffee so I made it for her. Took of my glasses because my head was still hurting. brought the coffee to my mother and went upstairs. Reached the top of the landing when I realized I left my glasses in the kitchen. Do’h!!! Guess what flared again????