Category: chronic physical pain

white noise and sleeping

by Midnight Demon, posted in bipolar, Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

White noise and sleeping

Probably while I was writing my blog late last night, I was having a reaction to the Moscow Mule that I had. My tongue felt swollen and my throat felt really funny. I took some diphenhydramine. It took about two hours to work, but I finally felt like I wasn’t going to asphyxiate. I was in pain so I couldn’t go to sleep right away. I turned on the white noise machine to try and settle my brain from the panic I was having at having a drink I shouldn’t have had. I finally went asleep around 5. I emailed my psychiatrist telling her I wasn’t going to see her because it was like 2 am and I wasn’t asleep yet. I am glad I canceled because I didn’t get up till noon.

I woke up with a very sore throat. It hurt to talk or swallow. I wasn’t hungry so I just went downstairs to have a dessert. I told my mother what happened. Then she asked if I would call the phone company because there was sometimes static on the line. I told her I couldn’t talk because it hurt. I tweeted to the phone company but that didn’t get me anywhere. They responded and then sent me a link but I couldn’t open it on my phone. I was feeling sleepy as I took more diphenhydramine and the white noise tends to make me sleepy, a double whammy.

I didn’t know if I would blog today as I was pretty much knocked out. I just had dinner, leftovers from last night. I was shocked I didn’t get any spaghetti sauce on my shirt. The breadstick I had was good but it would have been better warm. I don’t know why their breadsticks are so damn good. I just took some more diphenhydramine because my throat is hurting.

I have been following the American Association of Suicidology conference on Twitter. Every year I get inspired by the work these people are doing. It kind of makes me feel less suicidal and wanting to go on despite of my pain and illness but then the conference ends and I am alone with my thoughts again.

I heard from the pain doc today. The secretary called to make an appt with him. I was shocked. I see him in two weeks. Maybe I will get relief or just get more annoyed than I already am.

dinner, baseball, and pain

by Midnight Demon, posted in baseball, Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

Dinner, Baseball, Pain

I went South of Boston tonight to have dinner with some really great friends. We had an awesome time and my friend’s kids are more engaging as they get older. The son is the oldest and he is a freshman. I still remember when he was born and held him in my arms! Now he is a mini man, with a moustache and slight beard. I could have cried today. My babies aren’t babies anymore! Even my little guy is going to be 24 this June.

I got home in time for the game. Mookie Betts hit a home run at his first at bat. This is the sixth time in a row we have scored in the first inning. I love this team. As long as everyone stays healthy, I think we are going to be a VERY good team. An umpire got hit with a foul ball and had to leave the game. It’s a delay of game while a covering umpire gets the gear on.

I will be listening to the game as I probably am going to be up the next few hours. I am in tired but I am also in a lot of pain. My ankle bone started hurting while I was at the restaurant. I had an alcoholic beverage so I couldn’t take a pain medication. I wanted to try the Moscow mule. I didn’t know it had ginger beer in it so asked to have it made with ginger ale instead. I have a sensitivity to ginger so didn’t want to chance it as ginger beer is not something I ever had. I know it has more ginger than ale does.

I think I am going to have to cancel my therapy appt for Monday. I don’t think I can walk to his office. Just getting around the last few days have really done a number on my legs. It hasn’t been helping my sprain at all. Resting hasn’t been easy. I am going to dread tomorrow as I need to see my psychiatrist in the morning. I am going to try and be in bed by 2, which hopefully will give me at least 6 hours of sleep as I know my mother will call me in the morning. She didn’t call me this morning because I wasn’t going to be home to take the socks off her. I don’t know why she didn’t want my sister to take them off her.

Irritable Wednesday

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, Chronic pain, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

All day I’ve been in an irritable mood. My mother never called me to put on her socks. Then she got mad at me because I wanted pizza for supper and I left the house without telling her. I picked up my scripts and the person at Walgreens was slow as molasses even though she has been there for a few months. Then when she was checking me out, she was having a conversation with the pharmacist that obviously was more important. Pissed me off because I was in pain from standing up. I was wearing the boot and it was throwing my hips off. I was just in a lot of pain and just wanted to be home.

I get home and it smelled of chemicals from the roofers. I had an asthma attack. Then I felt dizzy from the smell even though I opened my window. I had to go to my sister’s to get some air. I never ordered pizza. My brother in law was telling me stories about how the place is going out of business. I have yet to hear anything. He just has been hearing things from people so who knows if it is true.

My mother opened the kitchen window but the house still smelled. I opened the window in the dining room and in the hallway. I just need to close them because it is going to fricken rain the next two days. Guess I won’t be wearing my boot because my foot will get soaked.

Because I won’t be home tomorrow, my mother doesn’t want to put on her socks. I won’t have a wake up call. Yay! I can sleep in. I hope anyway. Hope this irritablility goes away. I know it is because of pain and possibly the bipolar stuff. I rather just be depressed.

feeling overwhelmed

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

Feeling overwhelmed

My mother had woken me up around 0830. I was so damn exhausted. I put the socks on her and didn’t get up till 3 pm. I hardly slept last night because I was so hyper. I wanted a cup of tea when I got up but didn’t want to chance it making me hyper again. My sister wanted me to check on her house to make sure my niece didn’t leave crumbs and stuff so I went downstairs to check and get the mail. My niece did leave a mess, which I cleaned up best I could. Then I made a cappuccino thing that my sister has. It is not really strong but has enough caffeine in it to prevent me getting a headache.

Because I woke up so late, there was no point in going in town to get my prescriptions. I was not happy. I just have enough to last me till tomorrow. I hope I sleep tonight because if I don’t, I am just going to go nuts. I had a break down earlier when I was reaching for support about what to do with my mother’s sock situation. I can’t be getting up after going to sleep between the hours of 3 and 7. I just end up sleeping all day and that means I can’t do stuff I need to do. It’s stressing me out that I have to be awake for her. I just hate that once again the responsibility of care of a parent falls to me because I don’t work. I think I am going to talk to my sister about it because I just can’t deal. It hasn’t even been a week yet and I am having such anxiety about sleeping through my mother’s phone call or her waking me up abruptly. The stress of it isn’t doing me any favors. My mother likes to be up early. I don’t. Never have. She knows this. I don’t know if she is trying to change the way I have been or what, but it isn’t going to work. I need my sleep as uninterrupted as possible.

I didn’t record the time I took my last dose of pain meds last night so I have no idea how long I went in between doses. I am not feeling sick or dizzy so that is good. I took them when I came back to my room after I had something to eat. I told my mother I just ate and she asked me why I always eat at 3. Because I am hungry?? I mean WTF. She is so unreal.

I hope I have no problems sleeping tonight. Sox game is on at fucking 2200 so really need to stay off social media so I am not up all night. A friend called a little while ago asking if I still plan on going out to dinner with him and my other friends south of Boston. I said as long as I don’t wake up in pain, I am going. Even then I might go anyways. I hate canceling last minute but sometimes I have to. I have an appt with my psychiatrist Friday morning so this is going to be fun how things play out. Seeing my psych on no sleep will be fantastic. HAHA not. She only had the morning available. I need to see her to see if she got in touch with the bozos trying to treat my pain. I have a feeling they didn’t get back to her or she would have told me. I had told her I give up so there is no point in trying to reach out to them. They are completely useless.