Category: mood disorders

it is after midnight

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

It is after midnight

I woke up a little after midnight as my bladder needed to be emptied. My back pain has leveled off some since I put a heating pad on it. I left it on until my mother went up to bed as I didn’t want to sleep with it on. I felt like that would be too dangerous. When I woke up, I kneaded the area of pain and it hurt more but I think I got the muscle knots out. My ankle is throbbing and burning so I will take some Neurontin to try and go back to sleep.

I am shocked that I slept for only a couple of hours. I was so tired that I could barely keep my eyes open. Now I am wide awake. I hate waking up in the middle of the night. The only pain that I feel is in the “thing” aka my ankle and foot. My back pain is minimal. I am glad. It has stopped raining so that maybe why. I want to go to Starbucks today. They have a new wrap that I want to try. It’s with steak and eggs. I’ve never had it before but I heard that it is good. I need to get out of the house today anyways. I haven’t left the house since Friday. I do need to shower as the last time I did was Thursday. If I get paid today, I think I will get my haircut. I still can’t believe in a week my hair has grown out from where I shaved it. It’s about even with the parts that I didn’t shave. I also need to ask my barber when he will be going on vacation in August. I’d just like to know so I can plan accordingly.

For some reason, I am really thirsty. I keep drinking my powerade. Hope it goes away soon or I will be up all night peeing. My brother in law fixed the drain in the bathroom sink as water was slow to go down. It was clogged with hair and gook. I’m glad I didn’t see it or I would have puked.

I’m going to try and go back to sleep. If not, I will probably write another blog.

feeling like a grump

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Feeling like a grump

I didn’t sleep well last night. I was up every couple of hours due to either my foot or back acting up. The temp dropped another ten degrees and is now raining. I am hurting very bad. My mother kept calling me all morning because she forgot her keys to the house. This is the second day that she has done this. I reluctantly had to get up because my bladder said so. I made coffee to try and wake up. I am just in a grumpy mood because of pain. My back is really bad, the worst it has been in quite some time.

I called a therapy place that I hadn’t heard from in more than a week after filling in their online submission form. I got their voicemail so now I am waiting for a callback. I need to call the dentist so I can get my teeth drilled. I’m kind of nervous to do it because needles and drills always gives me great anxiety when it’s pointed at me.

My check didn’t get deposited today so I didn’t order my groceries and other things. I don’t know why some Mondays it does go in and other times it doesn’t. So weird. I think I will have it tomorrow. I added some sparkling water to my grocery order. I hope I like it. I figure it would be better than tonic.

My mother made asparagus and eggs for supper. I was slightly reach for a slice of cheese and I got cramps in my lower back. This is the worst my back has been in a long time. It’s starting to set off PTSD again. I took an Ativan so hopefully I can take a nap to ease the pain. I took a strong pain pill as my regular one is just not doing anything for my pain. It’s just too severe.

I am thinking of emailing psych again about my back pain as I am getting worried because it isn’t going away. I know this is weather related and once it warms up or stabilizes, I think I will be okay. I don’t think anything major is going on but any time I have back pain like this I tend to freak out.

Got an email saying only one phone was shipped out so I had to call Sprint, again, to make sure two are in the box. There are. I will be getting them soon. The hard part will be to track my niece down to give it to her. I need to wait for the Amazon order to come in first so the phone is protected. I am not giving her an unprotected phone. I am excited to be getting a new phone, even though it will be a pain in the ass the first few days getting used to it. It’s an Android phone but I will have to program it so that all my preferences are there. That can be tricky. Hopefully it won’t be as bad as I think it will be.

Sunday Blog 23 July 2017

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Sunday Blog 23 July 2017

I woke up around 0400 in pain. My back was still hurting but less severe. It was mostly my ankle/foot pain that woke me up. I took my meds and then tried to go back to sleep. I got a text about a half hour later. It was a friend and we chatted for a while and then I drifted off to sleep for about an hour or so. I then took some Neurontin as my foot was burning.

My mother fricken called me around 1000 but I didn’t answer it. I was still sleeping and refused to budge. I woke up a couple hours later. I made coffee as I needed it badly. My mother was home then and she told me why she called. She had left her keys at home. My sister left the back door open for her. I couldn’t help it as I was sound asleep for the most part.

I had breakfast with my coffee. I made a turkey bacon and cheese sandwich. I also had some wheat thins. My appetite was kind of out of control as I was hungry about an hour and a half later. I had some ice cream and then prepared dinner. There was some corn in the fridge and my mother said to cook it. But it was moldy so I had to throw it away. By that time the game was on so I started watching. My mother had taken out some meat sauce to thaw and I was boiling the water for raviolis. My niece wanted some, too, so I took two bags out. It came out good. For the first time, the raviolis didn’t fall apart on me. The ravs really filled me up. I hope that is all I will eat today.

I saw ugly Ricky give up a home run and the Sox didn’t look like their bats were hot today. It was close to the 5th inning so I turned off the tv after I cleaned up and then went to my room. As I got up to put the dishes in the sink, my back creaked on me. I couldn’t stand straight. I was okay after a few minutes. There must be rain coming our way because that is the only time my back acts up. It’s like a switch. It is much cooler today than it has been the past several days. I shut off the AC.

Last night before I went to bed, I tried upgrading my phone and adding a line to my cellphone. I kept on getting errors and it wouldn’t let it go through. I gave up and then tried again when I got up this afternoon. It worked but I had to call Sprint to make sure as I saw only one device in the email. My niece and I will have the new Galaxy S8 phones. I went on Amazon to get the micro cards, screen protectors, and cases for them. It was much cheaper than Sprint. Sprint had a 64 GB micro card for $64. Amazon had the same card for $22. The only reason I did it was so that we can have contact with my niece as she doesn’t have a phone or a job. Her mother was thankful but kind of pissed that I did this as she is not the most responsible person in the world. She is 19. I told her when she does have a job that she is to pay me $40 for the line. I will have to juggle my budget around for the next two months as adding a line is bringing up my bill to $175/month. That is a huge jump. But it will work out, eventually.

Now that I got a new phone, I will need to back up my storage card so I can put it in the new phone. It has most of my music on it, which is what I need it for. I don’t need anything else. I know I had to transfer some app data to my card so I could make room on my phone’s storage. That was a pain because I have over 50 apps to go through individually to transfer the data. I also know it’s going to be a bitch downloading all the apps to the new phone. I’ll worry about it when it comes in.

severe back pain and PTSD doesn’t mix

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, cauda equina syndrome, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Severe back pain and PTSD doesn’t mix

The past few hours, I cannot straighten out my back without severe pain. It is causing me to have flashbacks of the time I was first diagnosed with cauda equina syndrome. I remember not being able to walk or stand on my left leg without severe pain. Now I have back pain and my left ankle/foot is going berserk, which is causing me great anxiety.

I emailed my psychiatrist because I didn’t know what to do. I would have paged her but it’s late and I don’t want to bother her even though I am freaking out. I am trying to calm myself down by distracting and reading tweets about the game. Sitting is difficult but laying down is worse because my thoughts go crazy. It also increases my ankle/foot pain so I can’t win. I was able to brush my teeth but it hurt. I couldn’t use the prescription toothpaste because I had to sit down. I hate that I have to use two toothpastes at night.

I’m hoping this pain is caused by the weather. The temp has dropped several degrees and usually that brings me pain. I don’t know if it is going to rain or not. I am guessing it will because it usually activates my back pain. I haven’t don’t anything I shouldn’t have done or lifted anything heavy. It annoys me when I am hurting for no reason. It could be a delayed reaction to the beds in the psych unit. I was on a hospital bed but it was lumpy.

Sox are leading 3-0 as of now. The pain is driving me nuts. It’s all around my waist and lower back. I am trying to reassure myself that it is NOT cauda equina syndrome as there would be more symptoms of the syndrome but with my ankle and foot tingling and throbbing, it’s hard. My brain knows that it’s not CES but my feelings are like yes it is. You need to go to the ER right now. I am in panic mode and I don’t like it. I took an Ativan to calm down. Hopefully it will also relax my back muscles so they don’t hurt as much. I already took my pain meds, except the strong pain med, which I am contemplating. I have never taken it for severe back pain before so I don’t know if it will work. It’s funny, while I was in the hospital, the pill color was orange. The ones I have at home are white. Same size, just a different color. I have never seen it orange before.

Well, the score is now 4-3 Angels. Damn Price sucks. Giving up a gift of a 3 run lead. I don’t like him at all. Never have. I took the strong pain pill and hope it helps, or at least allows me to go to sleep. I really hate having PTSD. I remember nearly everything while I was in the ED and them telling me I needed surgery, the surgeon sees me all for 10 minutes and then says yup, 830 in the OR. I was scared shitless. I asked him when I would be able to walk again and he said three days. It was a week before I was able to move my toes again, with effort. I never want to go through that again. I will kill myself before I need another emergency back surgery. Two was enough for me.