Category: writing

30 Day Writing Challenge Day 18

by Midnight Demon, posted in writing

30 Day Writing Challenge Day 18
A problem that you have had.

I have had soooo many problems in the last year that it is hard to pick one and talk about it. I guess the biggest one is being without a car and having to rely on public transportation. I love riding the trains but the buses are the hardest because you wait longer and if they are late, you are late. I wish I could afford a car but maybe if I save up some money which I still am not sure I can do, I can get another used vehicle. But that adds to its own problems with gas money, taxes, registration, etc and the general upkeep of the car, like oil changes and such.

30 Day Writing Challenge Day 17

by Midnight Demon, posted in writing

30 Day Writing Challenge Day 17

Somerthing That you are proud of:

I am proud of my writing and this blog because it helps me to see that I am not alone in my suffering. Other people cannot articulate what I can in their feelings and it feels good to know I have this “gift” of articulation to help people better understand how they feel because they themselves cannot put it in to words.

ramblings 22

by Midnight Demon, posted in Chronic pain, depression, mental disorders, mental illness, mood disorders, physical pain, psychache, suicide, suicide attempt, writing

I don’t know where this day has gone. I had a disastrous appointment with my therapist in which I accidently hung up on her and we both we trying to call each other back at the same time, which just lead us to each other’s voicemails. Stupidly, I was looking for my psychiatrist number and accidently dialed it during our session. But no matter, she called me back and after I explained that I panicked and hung up on her she laughed.

My therapist is worried because of what I wrote in my last blog (mental anguish) and she wanted me to tell my psychiatrist so I emailed the blog to her while we were talking. We have phone sessions because I don’t have a car and she is now thirty miles away from me. She used to be closer but then decided to have a life outside of our therapy (AKA have a kid) and consolidated her practices to where she lives. Which sucks for me because unless I can borrow a car, there is no way I can see her. I might end up seeing her next week but it is a hassle. I have to wake up early to take my sister’s car from my brother in law who leaves around 7 every morning. That is a long day with someone who has nothing to do and then I have to pick him up from work. I can’t wait till he gets a more reliable vehicle for his own use rather than my sister’s. That is why we have phone sessions.

I got my new glasses today and seems like I will have to go back as one of the lenses is scratched. Just what I fricken need.

Having trouble with tomorrow’s writing challenge. I am supposed to write about something that I am proud of but I don’t feel like I’m proud of anything because I feel like crap right now. How can you feel proud of something when you feel like killing yourself? When you feel like you are the biggest loser on the planet? Or feel like a big piece of shit? I just want to crawl under a huge rock and hope it crushes me to death.

30 Day Writing Challenge Day 13

by Midnight Demon, posted in writing

30 Day writing Challenge Day 13
Your opinion about your body and how comfortable you are with it:

This is a tough one because I am not comfortable with my body at all. I think I am ugly and distorted. I hate my chest, I hate my reproductive parts. Everything about me I hate. But I guess that is part of being a transgendered individual.