Tag: back pain

TG Issues 8

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

TG Issues 8

The past few days my mother has been calling me “miss” or “Missy” to get my attention. I find it totally disrespectful. I am hurt that she calls me these names and she does it in a tone that I find so annoying. I almost said something today but I couldn’t bring myself to do it for fear of WWIII starting. My sisters are not in town so I wouldn’t have their support. It would be tough to talk to her about this without them here. I just am extremely upset about it and don’t know what to do.

I have thought about calling a transline hotline but I am not in crisis. I just want to talk to another TG person who understands what I am going through and might be able to help me. I feel like such a shit for not standing up for myself but this is my mother and I don’t want to hurt her. If it was anyone else, I probably would say something.

I’m feeling really frustrated by this and I don’t know what to do about it. I don’t think I will have a therapy session with my therapist tomorrow so the next time we speak won’t be until Tuesday. I just want to take my night meds and go to sleep, which I might do pretty soon. All I have been doing most of the day is sleeping.

I am still having the pain around my waist. I don’t know what is causing it at this point. It’s going away but not at a fast enough pace for me. The rain isn’t helping, either.

9 Oct 16 Morning Blog

by Midnight Demon, posted in baseball, Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

9 Oct 16 Morning Blog

I woke up early because I had to use the bathroom and now I can’t go back to sleep. I hate when that happens. So now I am thinking about food because I am hungry but I don’t know what to make. I know I want bacon and pancakes but I can never seem to make both because they are messy to make and I hate clean up. I also want eggs. I wish there was an IHOP near me. That would solve the problem because I could order what I want and not have to worry about cleaning the dishes and pans afterwards.

Yesterday, I got a reminder that my prescription was ready. I thought it was kind of odd because I didn’t put in anything for a refill. My doc called in the medication. I was bullshit because she didn’t write it as twice a day like I take it. She wrote it for once a day. I am so upset. She knows that me taking it once a day doesn’t work all the time and that I need a second dose. I have enough medication to last me until I see her next. And I am going to yell at her for not writing it the way I take it. I know she wants me to take it just once a day and I really wish it worked but it doesn’t. As long as I am not having side effects, which I am not, I am okay with taking it twice a day. I thought she was okay with it, too. There is some miscommunication and I hope to clarify it once I see her again.

It’s raining today. I don’t know if I am going to go out to get my pumpkin that I need to make my cake. I should have made the cake rather than the fluff. Oh well. I like the fluff but it’s too much and there is no way I can eat it all. I will be giving some to my therapist when I see her on Tuesday.

My back is still hurting me. I am getting spasms around my waist that really hurt and paralyze me with pain. It makes it difficult to move. It’s getting better as it’s not as painful but it still bothers me. I don’t know what brings it on as I never experienced this before. I hope it goes away soon. It’s not pleasant.

I have my football and baseball game today. I got to find out when time the football game it. I think it’s at one but I could be wrong. I know the baseball game is at 4. The baseball game is more important to me than football. If the Sox don’t win, their season is over and I will be sad. My favorite pitcher is on the mound today but he hasn’t had a good year. I just hope he doesn’t get walloped.

Saturday Blog 65

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Saturday Blog 65

I woke up not even an hour ago. I can’t believe I slept all day. I got a notification from Walgreens that my prescription was ready. I thought this was odd as I haven’t put in any refills. My doc called in a refill but not for twice a day. I am so bullshit. She still thinks taking 4 mg a day is helping me when it’s not. Doesn’t matter, now I have enough pills to last me a month taking it twice a day. When I see her next, I will yell at her. She actually responded to one of my emails late last night. She wants me to keep in touch.

After I got back from Walgreens, holy hell unleashed. I got wicked hot and currently have the AC on. I don’t know why I overheated but I did. I was in wicked pain with my back so I think the walk just exasperated things. My foot/ankle exploded soon as I came home. So I am in pain once again. I didn’t wear my brace because I didn’t think I would need it and I didn’t bring my cane either for the same reason. I did fairly well, though I was really hurting on my last block home.

There is no baseball game today. It’s an off day for my Sox. I hope they use it to regroup. OSU is playing now. The score is tied at 3. I’ll just “watch” it via Twitter. I don’t feel like watching it on TV, not with my ankle hurting me the way it is. Buckeyes just scored! 10-3!! Scored again! 17-3! Whoohoo!! Nebraska has a bye week so it will only be OSU that I will be paying attention to. Tomorrow NFL games, my Pats are playing and I can’t wait to see Brady’s return.

I haven’t eaten anything all day and I don’t really know what to have. I kind of want pancakes but I don’t feel like making them. I really want pizza but I don’t have any cash on me for it. If my back wasn’t hurting me, I would have gone to the grocery store and get my pumpkin so I can make my cake. I will go tomorrow. Maybe if I go tomorrow I can also get French bread pizza to satisfy my pizza craving.

My sisters are in Vegas for the weekend. My middle sister will turn 40 next month and she wanted to do something big. I don’t blame her. She is always the optimist. All I wanted to do for my 40th was to be six feet under or be in an urn or something. I certainly didn’t want to live to see 41, which it looks like it is going to fucking happen whether I like it or not. My crazy bitch therapist is going to make sure of it.

I need to start doing the paperwork for my LTD. I am not looking forward to it as it is just boring. But it needs to be done. I meant to publish this hours ago but I fell back to sleep. I have been having a hard time staying awake today. I hope that doesn’t mean I am going to be up all night. My back is still hurting me. I don’t know why. It feels like I have a band around my waist that tightens and it really hurts when it tightens. It only happens when I am lying down.

I didn’t make pancakes. I just had a big bowl of cereal. That has been the only thing I have eaten today. I am not that hungry. OSU won 38-17. That is I think their 5th win in a row. I am so happy for this team.

Clean Water in Cleveland

by Midnight Demon, posted in baseball, Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Clean Water in Cleveland

My Sox lost to the Indians tonight. The starting pitcher gave up like 4 homeruns. It was ugly. We were able to get within a run but never quite retook the lead. I am upset because I really thought “Pretty Ricky” was going to lead us to victory. Now we have to depend on Price and Bucholz to get us through to Boston. I hope we don’t lose three in a row but it is possible if our bats don’t start flying.

I am kind of upset that I have to wait more than a month for the stupid CBT sessions to begin. This is going to torture me. Then the LTD paperwork came in for my yearly review. I have to fill it out this weekend and send it back. Oh Joy! I have so much stuff to do and I don’t want to do anything. I read some more of the Oliver Sacks book, which is quite boring. I might toss it into a fire to use when I am cold, and I am not a book burner by any means. That’s how bad this book is to me. I don’t find any of the cases interesting in the least. Why my psychiatrist recommended it, I have no clue. It’s a terribly written book. I don’t know why I bought it as I knew I would hate it.

I watched a movie tonight before the game started. I watched “For the Love of the Game”. It’s one of my favorite baseball movies.

I am officially out of my regular pain meds. I am hope that I can get to my PCP’s office tomorrow without too much pain. I will take some strong pain meds with me just in case as that is all I have at the moment. I took a shower with some severe pain and had to sit down a few times so it’s questioning my decision to make this decision out to Boston. I wish I could have someone drive me into town but there is no one and I don’t have money for a cab. This just sucks. I hope I am worrying for nothing.

Had to put the ceiling fan on because it’s hot in my room for some reason. I still have the AC in. I know the minute I take it out, the temp is going to be in the 80s again. We always have an Indian summer. I just hope the fan doesn’t cause my back to cramp up on me. Lately I have been getting spasms around my waist and they have been so painful that sometimes I can’t breathe or move. They don’t last long but they are sure uncomfortable.