Tag: chronic pain

telling a turtle to run fast

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Telling a turtle to run fast

I woke up in the middle of the night due to pain. I took some meds and then had something to eat. I couldn’t go back to sleep so decided to set up my new phone. I had charged it while I was sleeping. There were plenty of updates like the phone I was giving my niece. It took a while for every thing to download. I think I finally went back to sleep around 0600. I woke up around 1415. I had a bad dream that I was diagnosed with lymphoma and was telling my father’s side of the family. In the dream, my cousin was my doctor (which is weird because in real life, he’s an architect). I woke up after we hugged one another. It was very strange.

I went down to go to the bathroom and then make coffee. I asked my mother if she wanted a cup and she did. I made it and gave it to her. I then went upstairs with my coffee. As I was drinking it, I was updating my apps to my new phone. Some had transferred over and some didn’t. I didn’t realize I had a 64GB internal memory. That is neat. After I played with my phone and my coffee was half done, my sister wanted to see me so I went downstairs. I got to the bottom and my ankle gave out on me. Lovely. My mother makes some funny comment and I’m like whatever. Then she says I sleep too much. That pissed me off. I told her I am not sleeping at night and so I need to sleep during the day. I must tell her this nearly every day. I think the next time I wake up at 0300, I am going to wake her up so she knows I’m up and see how she likes it. I am so mad that she gives me no fucking support. I said so to my sister, and she said it’s like telling a turtle to run fast. It is still annoying.

I had some eggplant and some soup that was left over from the other night. I’m still kind of hungry so I might order a sub. I had to shut the AC off because it’s quite cool today. Luckily, my back isn’t hurting from the drop in temps. I don’t get how it can be this cool in July, but I will take it over scorching hot. It’s cloudy today, least it is now. I hope it doesn’t rain because I want to try and listen to the ball game.

My Hawaiian coffee came today. I will have it grounded on Monday and then have it Tuesday. I love this coffee. I am going to use it sparingly because it costs a lot but it’s worth it. Monday I see my dipshit therapist. I have no idea what to talk to him about other than how the hospital stay didn’t help me at all but keep me safe. It did annoy me to the point of giving in to my suicidal urges/tendencies. I haven’t acted on it while I have been out but I am still planning. The other therapy place hasn’t called me and because I slept most of the day yesterday, I didn’t call them like I wanted to. I will call Monday before I leave to see dipshit.

Before I went to bed last night, I called Sprint to see if the return kit was on its way. I wanted to make sure the idiot I was talking to did the right thing and that I don’t have three phones I am paying for. He said the kit will arrive on Monday as it takes 3-5 business days. As long as it’s on its way, that is all I need to know.

I put the otterbox and screen protector on my new phone while I was up around 5. It is much thinner than my other one. I tried not to get bubbles with the screen protector but I did. I am not that great at putting on protectors. I am hoping that this new phone will allow the functions of my Bluetooth headset to work. It didn’t work with my old phone. I seemed to have thrown the pin used to take the extended storage card out. I don’t know what happened to it after I used it. Hopefully I don’t need it again. The only thing that sucks about this phone compared to the old one is charging takes forever. It takes at least two hours to fully charge. I do like it in every other way. I found how to make different screens while I was updating my niece’s phone. My ringtone transferred over so I don’t have to change that. I hope it did for my contacts as well, though I don’t know because the ringtones are different. I have to find annoying ones for my mother and her crazy sister so I know who it is that calls me.

Ramblings 474

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Ramblings 474

Today’s pain is not much different than it has been in the early morning hours. My ankle gave way just as I was having supper. I am in mega pain now. I have been trying to relax all day. I watched the movie Moana as it was free on Netflix. It was a good distraction and I really liked the movie.

It rained today so my back was acting up. It has settled down now but it’s muggy so I have the AC going. I can’t stand humidity at all. I emailed my psych to ask for a refill for the Invega as I would run out before I see her next. It’s ready at the pharmacy but I will pick it up tomorrow. I am hurting too much to walk outside. I am watching my niece tomorrow and was going to take her for lunch but I just got email saying my phones will be delivered tomorrow. I will wait for the delivery and then take her out. We’ll have lunch at Chipotle’s. This is the plan as long as I am not being tortured by my ankle. I just found out that it’s supposed to rain tomorrow and all weekend so I may not go out as planned. My sister will be leaving me cash so maybe I’ll just order pizza and fries for us.

I had taken an Ativan when the pain started to get really bad so I could possibly take a nap. I watched the movie instead and that helped to settle down the pain anxiety I was feeling. I really just want to chop my ankle off. It is so uncomfortable and I hate being so miserable all the damn time. It’s like every day I keep on having severe pain and I just can’t keep up with it. I’ve been taking my meds around the clock and they do work to lower the level of pain but it’s still there all the time. I’m never at a zero. My foot and ankle always tell me it is there. I hate it.

I’m going to try and go to sleep at a decent hour so I don’t wake up in the middle of the night. Think I will take a strong pain med at bedtime and see if that prevents me from waking up in the early morning hours. I need to sleep. There is no baseball game today as they are off. They won yesterday. It was a day game but because I was on the phone most of the day with Sprint, I didn’t watch or listen to it. I just caught the score on Facebook. The rookie had his first major league hit with a homerun. That was sweet. I hope we get good things from him and that management didn’t bring him up too early.

Was going through Twitter and Jason Aldean tweeted his video for his song “Night Train” and it brought back memories of his album. Now I am listening to it. I love these songs. I think this was the last Jason Aldean album that I bought. The rest of his songs are just individually purchased.

I am to take my night meds in about an hour. I will take the strong pain pill then. I need to try and get this pain under control. I know it is sometimes an uphill battle because all it takes is movement or a touch to set off my pain. It is so frustrating. I need to take a shower but it’s not happening tonight. Maybe tomorrow morning. My pain levels tend to be lower in the morning than any other time of day, not always but usually. If I have severe pain in the morning, it doesn’t bode well for a good day.

The pain group coordinator’s office staff called me to set up an appointment. It’s in October. Lovely. My October schedule seems to be getting filled. I see my PCP, the new neuro, and now this coordinator. I don’t know why I have to have a new intake when I saw her a few months ago. The only thing new is that I am seeing a therapist, which was her requirement before I went to the group. I don’t really care. The way that things are going, I might not be around come October so it doesn’t really matter.

Midnightdemon Blog 27 July 2017

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Midnightdemon Blog 27 July 2017

I woke up a little after 0130 in pain. It felt like someone was grabbing my foot and trying to squeeze the crap out of it. I took some more Neurontin and my pain meds. I was able to talk with a couple members of the CRPS group on Facebook. It was nice that I was being heard and understood. I don’t know why my pain is so bad these days. It doesn’t seem to take much for it to set it off. I swear when I took off my sock on my bad foot, it set it off.

I think I finally did the ordering for my upgrade and the additional line. The customer service order department wiped out the order and the phone that I received, I have to return. Seems kind of silly that I need to return the new phone to get a new phone. But whatever. As long as I don’t have to pay for three phones a month, I will be happy. Right now, the cancellation hasn’t gone through as the woman said my bill will be $400 until my return is processed. She is sending me the return kit. Right now because I had to do two orders, my account has a negative balance from the payments. It was so tiring to be on the phone with them. I swear it was all afternoon as I was just put on hold for most of the time. I hope the issue is resolved and I’m not paying a shitload next month.

I really love the CRPS UK group on Facebook. The people there are so kind and willing to help you out in anyway they can. I give back when I can. Some of the posts I can’t respond to because they are UK related, like disability keys and other admin from NHS or the government. But I can relate to pain posts and support those people. I love that everyone tries to help and responds to the posts. I have really gotten along with the founder of the group. She is so great. We were talking and I told her about how I was going to change my name to GC eventually. She was understanding and supportive.

I know I am going to have a shitty day because I am up in the middle of the night. I am not planning on going out at all. I want to rest my foot as much as possible. Sadly, I overspent and I don’t have much money to go on the cruise. I wanted at least $80 and I think I have like half that after all my bills are paid. I can’t touch my account until Friday. I wanted to get a haircut but it doesn’t seem like that is going to happen. I look like a Chia pet, my hair is just sprouting all out because it is growing like a weed. The parts that I have shaved before my admission to the hospital has grown out and is now even with the parts I didn’t shave. My hair grows so fast. I might have to withdraw from my savings if I don’t have enough cash on me.

There has been a lot of talk about transgender yesterday because the Orange Cheeto said they can no longer serve in the US military. Basically, it is because it “costs too much”. But yet they spend money on Viagra which is more expensive than the hormone therapy. I am very pissed off. I am so tired of the Cheeto not making good on his “promises” in his campaign and then has stupid rallies like he is still running for president. The guy is so deluded it’s not funny. It’s so sad that Congress is not doing anything to get rid of him. He is a lying piece of shit. I often call him a dumbfuck when I respond to his tweets. I can’t help it. He just pisses me off with his dumbass tweets.

I’m getting sleepy but I am also hungry. Think I will have a bowl of granola cereal and then try and sleep. Thing is, I really don’t want to go downstairs but I know I won’t be able to sleep unless I eat something. I wish I had something in my room. I used to have protein bars but I don’t anymore. I have to order some more.

it is after midnight

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

It is after midnight

I woke up a little after midnight as my bladder needed to be emptied. My back pain has leveled off some since I put a heating pad on it. I left it on until my mother went up to bed as I didn’t want to sleep with it on. I felt like that would be too dangerous. When I woke up, I kneaded the area of pain and it hurt more but I think I got the muscle knots out. My ankle is throbbing and burning so I will take some Neurontin to try and go back to sleep.

I am shocked that I slept for only a couple of hours. I was so tired that I could barely keep my eyes open. Now I am wide awake. I hate waking up in the middle of the night. The only pain that I feel is in the “thing” aka my ankle and foot. My back pain is minimal. I am glad. It has stopped raining so that maybe why. I want to go to Starbucks today. They have a new wrap that I want to try. It’s with steak and eggs. I’ve never had it before but I heard that it is good. I need to get out of the house today anyways. I haven’t left the house since Friday. I do need to shower as the last time I did was Thursday. If I get paid today, I think I will get my haircut. I still can’t believe in a week my hair has grown out from where I shaved it. It’s about even with the parts that I didn’t shave. I also need to ask my barber when he will be going on vacation in August. I’d just like to know so I can plan accordingly.

For some reason, I am really thirsty. I keep drinking my powerade. Hope it goes away soon or I will be up all night peeing. My brother in law fixed the drain in the bathroom sink as water was slow to go down. It was clogged with hair and gook. I’m glad I didn’t see it or I would have puked.

I’m going to try and go back to sleep. If not, I will probably write another blog.