Tag: complex regional pain syndrome

So Effin Tired

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

So effin tired

Last night, again, I woke up in the middle of the night and was up for a couple of hours, unable to get back to sleep. I had a bowl of cereal and then I was able to sleep for a few hours. I am totally exhausted and don’t want to do shit today. I had to place a few phone calls today but I’m in no mood to talk to anyone. I will call tomorrow.

I just emailed my psychiatrist. I just feel so sad that I don’t have anyone else to vent to, other than my blog. While I was up in the middle of the night, I opened my window because my room was much too warm. I have it at a comfortable temp right now, as long as the heat doesn’t kick on again. It’s raining today so I am keeping an eye on the window to make sure no water comes in. That wouldn’t be good.

I haven’t eaten anything since getting up about a half hour ago. I was trying to go back to sleep but my foot was having none of it. Then the birds and a dog was making noise. I just gave up. I just want to lie down as sitting up is giving me a headache. I just don’t feel well because of my lack of sleep, or rather, interrupted sleep.

I still feel sad over seeing my aunt not so well yesterday. I wish there was something I could do to make her better but she is old and there is nothing really that can be done. I know one day she is no longer going to be with us, and that hurts me. I just love her so much.

I can’t believe how much my ankle/foot is hurting me today. It might be because of the weather or all the cooking I did yesterday afternoon. But I didn’t do anything today as I really haven’t left my bed except to go to the bathroom. I took my pain meds and am waiting for them to work. Seems I am always waiting for meds to work. It’s tiring. I am so fed up with it.

Sunday Blog 26

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Sunday Blog 26

I did a lot today. I started the day off with a much needed shower. That wiped me out but I couldn’t rest because I had to visit my aunt. Seeing her was difficult as she was easily confused and kept asking for her son (my cousin). She wanted to talk to him so I called him on my phone. She was asking where he was and when he was going to visit her. This was the first time seeing her in this state and it was heartbreaking. We left after the phone call as she was tired and needed a nap.

We had a long ride back home as there was traffic. I still had to cook my sauce. It took about two hours to be ready. I am glad because I was starving as I didn’t have lunch. By the time I was done making the sauce and cooking the pasta, I was toast. I was so exhausted I barely could move. My mother ended up cleaning up as I could barely stand. My foot was screaming at me.

I didn’t have a good sleep as I again woke up around 0400 after falling asleep around 2. I am really sick of waking up before 6. I need to nap because I am hurting so much. I filled my pill box last night so I am set to take my meds for the week. I am glad I did it because I am wicked tired and to fill the box right now would be a joke. I would just take this or that and say the hell with the rest of my meds.

I made the mistake of telling my sister I was making sauce. Now she wants some. She was complaining the whole time she was having pasta. No salt in the dish. I should have made it with peppers and onions. Blah blah blah. I was like next time you make it the way you want it. I make things the way I like it. My mother even complained there was no salt. I never use salt when cooking. I think things are over salted and it sucks. I like things plain and will use pepper before I reach for the salt. I thought the pasta and sauce came out really good, though the pasta could have been cooked a little more. I was cooking a pasta I don’t normally cook so it was difficult to tell when it was done. I will know for next time.

Saturday Blog 79

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Saturday Blog 79

My sisters, their kids, and I went to the race track to commemorate my father’s anniversary today. We didn’t spread his ashes like I thought we would because it was too cold and rainy. My sisters and I had no idea how to bet on horses so my youngest sister asked someone. She got the general idea and I couldn’t care less. My sisters bet and they won. We had a few appetizers and drinks (non alcoholic). Then we left because my nephew had to get to work. It was an experience I don’t care to experience again. It was loud and noisy, things I don’t like.

I never made my gravy because I had a hard time sleeping. Around 0230, I woke from a dream with a thud. I thought my mother fell so I rushed to her room. She was sleeping soundly so I must have dreamt the thud. I couldn’t go back to sleep right away. It took nearly two hours for me to settle down. I woke up around 10 and didn’t have any motivation to cook, shower, or brush my teeth. I just went to the bathroom and then went back to my room. I got hungry so I figure I might as well brush my teeth before eating to do something. I then made coffee to try and stay awake. I made the coffee perfectly but I was still tired.

Walking around the place at the track was no good for me and my ankle. I was hurting so bad. I couldn’t wait to leave so I could take meds and rest. I made a TV dinner for supper as my mother had leftovers. Tomorrow we are supposed to see my aunt. I hope I get some rest because I am sick of waking up in the middle of the night for no good reason or because of pain. It just makes me miserable for the rest of the day. I really need to make the beef I bought so I need energy to cook. I hope the visit with my aunt isn’t a drawn out affair. Last time I was totally exhausted after the visit.

My ankle is throbbing so bad that it is making me feel on edge. I feel physically sick because I am so tired of being in pain. I just want to cry. I feel like the slightest thing that goes wrong and I am going to explode. I am glad I don’t have to deal with anyone tonight because my nerves are so shot. I might take an Ativan to relax me some. I hate feeling keyed up for no reason, though being in pain is a reason. My tolerance seems to become less and less with each day that it’s so bad. All week I have been dealing with it consistently. I just want a break from it and I just can’t seem to get one.

Painful Friday

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Painful Friday

I woke up in pain, again. Normally, I can “ignore” it and go about my day but today it was really bad. I still tried to do things, like make breakfast, brush my teeth, cook lunch but it was at a cost. I didn’t go out today because I just felt really bad. Around 1400, I was getting sleepy and debating on getting dressed to get espresso. I decided to make coffee instead. It was good and it kept the drowsiness away, least for now.

Being in pain has darkened my mood. By noon, I wanted to kill myself really bad. I had to take a strong pain pill because the regular pills didn’t work and the pain was worsening. I tried to go back to sleep but I hurt too much. It’s really exhausting being in pain. I felt like calling my psychiatrist but I didn’t want to worry her.

I have been on Twitter most of the day, waiting on the outcome of the healthcare vote. They should be voting on it now so results should be in soon. I hope they don’t vote for Trumpcare. It doesn’t sound like it will cover anything useful and will just cost people to be more broke than they already are. The vote is in: they have shut it down! ACA stays!! Whoohoo!!

The therapist I called earlier this week still has not called me back. I am going to call her again on Monday and see if I can see her. Otherwise, it’s back to square one. I am getting more and more depressed with each passing of therapists. I find it hard to believe that between a radius of 5 miles, no one is accepting new clients. It is so frustrating.

Today’s my father’s birthday. I posted somethings on Facebook to remember him. Tomorrow my sisters and I are going to a track to spread his ashes. The weather is supposed to be warm. I just hope it’s not windy. That will suck.

My mother is making pasta for supper. I haven’t had it in a while so I might eat it. I am not really hungry as the coffee killed my appetite. Tomorrow I need to make my gravy early as we will be going out in the afternoon. It should take 2-3 hours to cook so if I get up by 9, it should be done by 12. I can’t wait. I love making gravy. Pasta was on sale this week so I bought a bunch of what I like. I will have it tomorrow night. I am not telling my sisters I am making gravy or there won’t be any left for the week! I am not planning on making a big batch as I don’t have that much meat. I still need to go to the butcher’s and get hamburgers. I will do that on Monday. I hope my ankle pain is down by then.