Tag: nerve pain

my psych finally called me back

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

My psych finally called back

My psychiatrist called me back as I was walking home from Walgreens. I picked up my script as I didn’t want to go there tomorrow. We talked about my Neurontin usage. She doesn’t want me to use it as a knock out drug but to get relief from my neuropathy pain. We discussed dosing several times a day, as long as I can tolerate it. She didn’t want me to take more than 1800 mg a day, but I was free to play with how ever I needed to to get to that amount a day. I still am figuring it out as my dose is really dependent on my pain levels. It’s how I have been taking this drug for years. I have to call or email her tomorrow to let her know how it goes.

I am not sure if I am going to go out after my dentist appointment or not. I will bring my bag with me just in case. I need to go to the bank tomorrow so I might go to the Square. My checking account is overdrawn so I need to put in funds before I am charged a fee.

Both ankles are hurting me and I am upset about it. I think I need to buy new sneakers as the ones that I have are really irritating me. I haven’t bought sneakers in more than three years so I am due for some new ones. I just wish they weren’t so damn expensive. Even at the outlet store I go to is the same as online, which doesn’t make sense. Usually the outlets are cheaper than online. I always get the same kind of style, which I might have to change. I wish I could get this stupid lump off my Achilles. I wouldn’t be in pain if I didn’t have it.

I had some chips when I came back home as I was hungry. I wish I didn’t because now my stomach is upset. They were the regular chips not the unsalted kind that I usually buy.

I am really tired from walking around so I probably will be taking my meds early and going to bed early, I hope. The last few nights I have taken my meds later than I usually do, which sucks because I am up late if I do. Thing is, I can’t stand right now so need to wait for the pain to subside a little before grabbing my night meds. I forgot to grab them before getting comfy on my bed. I wanted to shower tonight but that isn’t happening. I will take one tomorrow morning. I’ll need to shave my head again anyways.

I need to change my sheets this weekend. It’s going to be a pain in the ass like it always is. I have to mentally prepare myself for doing the task or it just won’t get done. I need to clean off my office side of the bed. I some how accumulated 4 baseball hats on my bed. Don’t know how that happened. I put away my meds that were on my bed in their respective places. I am set for the month, or should be anyway.

So much for reading or watching STTNG tonight. I just don’t have the brain power like I did a few hours ago. I am feeling really worn down. Pain will do that. It’s an energy sucker, just draining all that you have every single day.

Saturday Blog 83

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Saturday Blog 83

I woke up at 4 because my bladder woke me up. I had a hard time going back to sleep so I stayed up for a little bit. When I did go back, I woke up late and didn’t want to get out of bed. I forced myself out of bed, went to the bathroom and brushed my teeth. I then decided to make coffee. I made the last of Casi Cielo. Coffee was so good. When it comes out next year, I am buying two bags.

It was almost 1130 by the time I finished brewing my coffee. I had to go to the post office to send back my new Bluetooth headset. I brought the coffee with me as I wasn’t done with it and I didn’t want to let it get cold. I then went to a drug store to see if I could get biofreeze for my pain. It was really expensive there so I didn’t get it. The price of the lidocaine had gone up. I think I paid less than $10 for the one I have now. Now the price is over $10 and up for the various sizes. I didn’t buy anything, though I did contemplate buying my mother some flowers that they had. I couldn’t decide which pot to buy so I just left. It was really warm in the store and when I left the store I took off the shirt I was wearing. It was too heavy for the weather.

I came home and read the CBT book. I finished reading the chapter I started the other day. There is a lot of information in this chapter so I might have to read it again when I take notes on it for my review. After reading the chapter I decided to make some lunch. My mother is at a birthday party so I am left to my own devices. I think I might make a bacon sandwich for supper or I might make a PB&J. I haven’t really decided what to make. I haven’t made bacon in a while.

I have been listening to Linkin Park since yesterday. I am in that kind of mood. Their music just hits the feels, if you know what I mean. It’s good music to just get lost in and forget things.

I want to take a nap. I am in a lot of pain, in one form or another and it’s tiring me out. It’s really depressing me because there is nothing I can do for one of the pains that I feel because it’s nerve pain. I am also depressed because I know that I can’t walk to my “suicide spot”. I realized this on Thursday when I had my bad flare up. I’m either going to have to take a cab there or do it at home, which I don’t want to do. I really don’t want to be found by a family member.

I just made a PB&J sandwich and when I said as much on Twitter, a new Indian restaurant in Cambridge tweeted me back. I have been dying to have Chicken Tikki Masala. I might have to check them out. I wish I knew someone that liked Indian food would go with me. Maybe I can have my friend come with me if I can steal him away from his girlfriend.

pens and nerve pain

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Pens and nerve pain

The other night I couldn’t sleep because of pain. It was like three in the morning so I went shopping on Amazon for pens. They didn’t have the ones I was looking for and I ended up buying like $50 worth. There were like 5 or 6 different kinds of pens, all black ink but the same brand that I like, Uniball Jetstream. They were supposed to come today but there was a delay for some reason. Now I don’t know when I am going to get them. I ordered some more pens the next day, different colors this time and fine point. I usually go for medium point but I liked the style and the colors so I got them. I am crazy about these pens.

The past several hours, I have been dealing with nerve pain in my foot. I had physical pain in my ankle. Then it moved to my foot and it changed to burning. I felt the bottom of my foot where it hurts the most to see if it was hot. It wasn’t. It hurt to touch it. I took a large dose of Neurontin. Hopefully I can sleep through the night.

I was talking with a friend via text about different things. We both suffer from depression so were exchanging our troubles. We both love the Star Trek universe. It was fun talking to him. I told him I recently bought the Star Trek: The Next Gen complete series. I still haven’t watched a single episode. I am not going to watch the pilot episode, Encounter at Farpoint because it’s lame and I have seen it a million times. I keep meaning to watch it but I am still scared of dissociating or the voices coming back to haunt me.

Speaking of Star Trek, Canada has or will be coming out with new Star Trek stamps. I will buy them when I find out when they come out. I bought the first set. It will be cool to get the second set. It’s of the entire Universe so it doesn’t focus on the Original series. I think the movies might be in this collection but I am not sure. From what I saw in the promo pic was the captains of each series. It will be cool to have them.

My foot is giving me grief so bad right now. I can’t stand it. I just hurt so bad. I already took a strong pain pill and my regular pain meds. I shouldn’t be in pain or at least, I should be sleeping. I might have to take an Ativan to relax as I am getting keyed up because of the pain. It’s just annoying me and I can’t settle down.

Tomorrow I plan on changing my sheets, which will be an all day affair. Of course, it all depends on if I am awake enough to do it. Usually when I am up late, like I am now, I am sleepy for most of the day, no matter how much caffeine I drink.

Pain from the Midnight Demon

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, cauda equina syndrome, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Pain from the Midnight Demon

The last few hours have been excruciating. I have been troubled with the stubborn nerve pain that you can’t do anything about but pray the Neurontin kicks in before you take the entire bottle. I was contemplating that tonight. Just as I was about to take slumber, the nerve pain came out of no where and I was in agony. I played with the blankets. On and off. It made no difference. I hung the foot off the bed. No relief. Then I got nauseous. I had to take a Zofran. The other meds were making me sick because my body wanted to sleep but my damn foot was keeping me up.

Now it’s almost 3 in the morning and I show no signs of sleeping. I just took some pain meds to see if that quiets down the pain some. Maybe some physical pain is masking as nerve pain and that is keeping me up. I never know. My foot can’t talk but it can scream, like a baby in pain. It screams, I cry. There is no relieving this pain insight. Though the first dose of Neurontin seems to have kicked in. I had taken it hours ago. I swear it takes about four hours to relieve nerve pain. It never relieves it right away than say an aspirin relieves a headache.

I have taken all that I can take tonight, both medication wise and patience. Man how my patience runs low when I am in severe pain. I just know that later today I want a damn pizza and my cake. That is all that I want to eat. I am sure that if I fall asleep by 0400, I will wake up around 0900 or so. That always seems to be the case. Then I will have my cake for breakfast and then wait till noon for my pizza. Maybe I will order fries too. I don’t know. I got a good 12 hours before I order.

My computer was making some clicking sounds so I thought it was downloading some updates or running a virus scan. Turns out that for whatever reason, my virus protection software was uninstalled! I have no idea how this happened. Unless I uninstalled it with the intent or reinstalling but never did. But I am reloading it now as we speak. It should take a good half hour or so to download. It takes for ever. That is one thing I hate about McAfee. It a good program but it takes forever to scan and load.

Today my mother called me to find out if I was home. I haven’t left the house all day but she thought because I had an appointment, I would leave. It was a phone therapy appointment so I wasn’t going to leave. She drives me crazy because she knows I have this appointment every week and I keep having to remind her that. Anyways she called and asked what was wrong. I told her I was tired as I didn’t sleep good last night because of pain. She then wants me to go to a small hospital in Boston that specializes in bone. I am tired of seeing doctors and even if I decided to go, who would I see? What kind of doctor? Surgeon? Physiatrist? Ortho? Neuro? I can’t just walk in the place and say, “See me”! She doesn’t get it and it pisses me off to no end. I have been to this hospital before when I first had my back surgery and the doctor just wanted to do injections. I said see ya later. Never went back to him. But he did give me a good recommendation on a book called “Back Pain for Dummies”. Surprisingly, the book actually has the red flags of Cauda Equina Syndrome in it. Great book! It lists all the PT exercises that I have been doing up until that point and more. I shared it will my support group and number of people have bought it. I even bought several copies of it to give to friends and family. I don’t know where the extra copies are now but I know I still have a few.

I really want to make oatmeal pancakes. I have been craving them for a while. Maybe I will make them later today instead of eating cake for breakfast. I would make them now but I hate clean up. I am hungry though as it has been more than eight hours since I last ate. I can have cake now and then the pancakes later. Yes that is what I am going to do.