Tired of being exhausted and exasperated

Tired of being exhausted and exasperated

I had another bad night of no sleeping until late in the morning. I honestly have no idea what time I went to sleep. Think I slept for a few hours and then had to use the bathroom because I drank water with a protein bar so I could fight off hunger. I remember it being around 7 am so I took my morning meds after I finagled the alarm times so I could sleep. I didn’t get up till 1330. My sister was over doing something for my mother. I think she just washed the dishes as my mother made eggplant and something else for lunch.

I made the rest of the bacon that I had. Everyone wanted some, which was good as I knew I couldn’t eat it all. I was sad to use it all up though as I won’t be getting more until I get paid in two weeks. I just added another package of bacon to my list of groceries.

My mother sugar dropped after I made some coffee. She said she wanted ice cream instead of juice. I begrudgedly gave her a nice helping but it didn’t bring the sugar up to her “normal” level. She didn’t want juice and it was dinner time. Her stomach was bothering her so she just had a bagel. By then it was up to 125 or so. I don’t think she should have taken the insulin but she doesn’t listen to me. She just does what she wants as she has done for years. I get scared her sugar will drop suddenly.

My sister was calling her while my mother was in the bathroom. She called three times and then called me. I was in a flare and was trying to rest to avoid taking a breakthrough med as it makes me sleepy. So instead of her coming upstairs to check on my mother, I had to fucking do it. I tried calling first and she didn’t answer. I don’t know why my mother doesn’t bring the phone in the bathroom. Whatever. She was fine. I called my sister and she said she knew. Fuck you. I knew her husband had told her because he brought up the mail. I am so sick of checking on my mother every five minutes because either my sister or aunt can’t get a hold of her.

I am also sick of my family not understanding my pain condition and how painful going up and down stairs is for me. I wanted to make brownies today because I am going to see my father’s side of the family on Monday and I need to bring a dessert. It was cool today but humid. I thought I could do it later in the afternoon but my ankle had other plans so it didn’t get done. I have no idea what the weather is going to be like tomorrow. My mother explained how she makes them. I just hope they don’t become hard as a rock. I am not good at making brownies. They always burn or get hard. I always tend to overcook them. Or sometimes undercook them. My mother makes them perfect and they are so yummy.

I went down to have dinner. I was so annoyed at my sister that I didn’t want to eat with my mother. I put my phone on do not disturb, allowing only my mother to call me. After I was finished I asked my mother if she wanted anything and she wanted a cup of tea. I made it for her. Then I went upstairs. I had to use the bathroom afterwards not even ten minutes when I was in my room. I hate that. Back down I went. My mother wanted some Tylenol so I got that for her. Then my sister came up and was just a fussy wus. She is just a fucking worry wart. My mother was hurting and was settling down for the night. She has been going to bed before 8 pm lately because she is tired. She needs her rest if she is going to get well. I understand because I know how exhausting chronic pain can be. She did a lot of things today and I am sure that exhausted her as she hasn’t done those things in a few weeks.

Yesterday, my uncle came over (my mother’s brother). I was putting on my ankle brace and he asked me, as always, how is my back. I shot him a look and the lunatic stood up for him saying he is just asking a question. I wouldn’t mind but it’s the same fucking question every time he sees me! Nothing is wrong with my back anymore. It is my fucking ankle and NO it has nothing to do with my fucking back!! I am seriously thinking of going in the hospital just to get away from these nut cases. But I know it will worry my mother, adding stress to her, and I don’t want to cause that. I just want to do my own fucking things and I can’t. I can’t even read without some annoyance from my sister or lunatic. My sister knows she will be okay alone but yet if she can’t reach her for five fucking minutes, she panics. Uh, hello, I am home. If she falls, I think I will hear her. Let her shit in peace, will ya?

any thoughts?

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