Doing things, editing, and hurting because of doing things

Doing things, editing, and hurting because of doing things

So there has been a cookie recipe that I have been meaning to try but it needs fricken flaxseed meal and I haven’t had the chance to buy some. So I thought I would just make regular chocolate chip cookies and throw in some oats like the other recipe said to do as I love oats. I took out the butter and the chips. I made breakfast. Then I put my jacket, hat, and scarf in the wash. I wrapped a Christmas gift with the guidance of my mother as I SUCK at wrapping. I put my Powerade bottles in recycled bags so they would be easier to transport to my room. My back was killing me. I then went up to my room to edit my book. I have no idea what the fuck I did but I reached for something on my bed and my back didn’t like it. Now the skin where it hurt is very sensitive to the touch.

I got a good chunk of my editing done. While I was reading my book, I was feeling all these emotions, mostly sadness. I was also thinking of a better blurb for the back of the book and wrote a quick paragraph while I was taking a break in between stories. I can’t believe I wrote about my abuse history with my father in this book and the sexual abuse of the cousin even though I didn’t name him. I still can’t believe how powerful my writing is and it amazes me. I had to put some kind of notation at the beginning in case this triggered someone and gave some crisis numbers just in case. When I published this two years ago, I honestly didn’t think I wrote about suicide, but I did and a lot about depression so I felt I had to include that just in case. I really don’t want to be sued over someone who reads my book and then does something. I wrote a lot about my former therapist and how she was. I haven’t come across the story about trees and roots which is about my therapist and psychiatrist keeping me here. I am not sure if I took the story out or not. There are a few errors as I go along but mostly it is my use of the wrong word or saying no instead of not. Not huge things. I am changing things around, small things, not big ones. It is kind of draining me because the emotions are so high at times.

I went back to the kitchen for some ice cream and when I was finished, my foot started acting up. I was supposed to make supper for my mother and I. Now I regretted it. I took a breakthrough med and I wanted to take a Neurontin but it was way too early to. I would be a zombie and I don’t think I would be able to try and finish the editing. I have about 20 pages left or so. Going to try and finish tonight. But pain is being a damn bitch so who knows.