post op day 12

Post Op day 12

I am still not feeling up for much these days. I find that I am tired and don’t want to do anything. Occupational therapy came today and I hated the whole thing. She was late so I was waiting around for her. Normally I wouldn’t mind but I was tired and just wanted to lay down. Then she was talking about routines and shit and I am like I am still recovering. I am not that far from surgery. Slow the fuck down already. Just because you want to Netflix all day doesn’t mean I do. I actually don’t have a show I watch these days anyways. I still have been trying to get into Picard but it is hard because it brings up memories of the way things used to be. I can’t describe it more than that. I don’t have the words to.

Last night I felt devastated and I am still feeling this way. I am debating on texting my therapist but at the same time I don’t want to say it in a text what I feel because it is too long of a text to explain things. I just attempted to explain it to her but we’ll see. Maybe she has a way of telling me how to deal with this. I don’t talk to her again till next week. That is a long time to go with feeling like this. I hate that this is because of bathroom issues. I feel like things would have been okay if yesterday was a normal thing but instead it is my new normal for now and I don’t know how to deal with it. I know I might recover from this but right now it just feels like it isn’t going to happen. I talked to a friend and she said that after her surgery she was numb and has been since. I didn’t find this comforting.

I got to lay down again. This sitting up and then having to lay down really sucks. I can only seem to type for a little bit before I hit bottom. I hope this is just a temporary thing. I just wish I could speed things along but I can’t. Just got to take it day at a time, sometimes an hour at a time. Last night I found that I couldn’t do two flights of stairs in one day. I am craving a piece of rum cake from my brother in law’s party but I don’t want to tax myself. I would have to go to his apt to get the cake and that is two flights of stairs and I am not ready for that again.

Last night I also did my med box for week. It took me a little bit longer to do even if I was sitting. I am glad it is done so I don’t have to worry about missing meds. I do have a couple of refills at the pharmacy though. I hope to get them tomorrow but it might be Thurs when I might be able to go. Tomorrow is just going to kill me and I know it. I am going to be exhausted. I am exhausted just thinking about it. I just hope I can make phone calls if I need to. I do have a virtual visit with my psychopharm tomorrow. Just hope I am up for it. It is at the cusp at when I should be home again.

any thoughts?

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