dissociation

Dissociation

I dissociated last night and didn’t even realize it until later that night. I wasn’t there for therapy but I was. I showed up but I have no recollection of the meeting. It has been a long while since something like this has happened. I don’t know why. I have no idea if something triggered me into dissociation or what. I don’t feel like seeing her again. I feel like I am taking up too much of her time.

I am meeting with my neurosurgeon and psychiatrist today. Both are virtual thank god because my ankle is still flared up and I know I wouldn’t be able to walk from the train station to my neurosurgeon’s office. Thankfully my back is better today so I don’t have to tell him I fell unless he asks. I have no red flag symptoms so I think I am ok. I got to tell my psychiatrist about he shaking. I noticed my right leg will shake and supposedly my hands shake when I give my sister things. I don’t have a steady hand when I hold them out straight.

I went to three groups today and they were okay. I had my meeting with the therapist and we decided to go the rest of the two full weeks. Insurance will pay so I don’t have to worry about going four days this week. I just have to show up to three groups though so that is good. I am not sure what my schedule will be like next week as I will be going all five days. I have to ask about this.

I didn’t sleep well last night. I was up most of the night because of pain. My neck, ankle, and back were all conspiring against me. They still are. I am so miserable. I feel like I just want to die. I wanted to text my therapist this but I decided not to. I didn’t want to worry her. I just said that I was in a lot of pain and left it at that. I still can’t believe I dissociated last night. I remember bits and pieces of therapy but it feels like I wasn’t there.

My legs and knees are still hurting from the fall I took the other day. My knees are bruised as I landed on them. I am so sore. I have been taking Tylenol around the clock for the soreness. My neck muscles are killing me too. All from that one fall. My back seems to be okay and I don’t have any back problems. I do have a sore back but that is it. No other pain going down my legs or other radiating back problems.

The surgeon signed me off. I don’t need to see him again unless I have problems. I am glad. My psychiatrist agreed to increase the citalopram. He is only going up 10 mg and then see how I do. He wants to make sure the drug doesn’t mess with my heart rhythm. I’ve never had a problem with SSRIs so I don’t know what his deal is.