Category: chronic physical pain

Early morning wakening and other things

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Early morning wakening and other things

I woke up around 530 in pain, after falling asleep sometime after 1. I was not happy. I took some pain meds and contemplated staying up or going back to sleep. I opted to go back to sleep, but I set my alarm first as I had my grocery delivery today. Alarm went off but I didn’t want to get up. I finally did and managed to brush my teeth. Then I made some coffee while waiting. I am glad I got up because the delivery guy came like 20 minutes later. I showed him where to put the groceries and then after he put them there, I put the refrigerated stuff in the kitchen. I also got the frozen stuff as well. The stuff that didn’t need to be in the fridge, I just left until I was able to put them away. I told my mother I bought her tuna and she had a fit that I paid 50 cents more than another grocery store. You’re welcome!

I drank my coffee and was getting hungry but didn’t feel like cooking. I remembered I bought some breakfast burritos so I got one out. The preferred method was the oven, but screw that. I microwaved it. It was okay. It had beans in it with eggs and Canadian bacon. I think cheese was in there too, but I couldn’t taste it. I wanted to have some pie that I bought but thought it was too early for that. All my ingredients for the casserole came. I plan on making it around 3 today. My mother said she doesn’t want it. I figured. She doesn’t like chili. I hope I am not going to eat the entire 9×13 pan by myself. That will just suck. I plan on giving some to my brother in law but not sure if his system is up from things spicy as he is getting over a stomach bug. I’m not sure my youngest sister will eat it. I know my youngest niece won’t even look at it.

I came back to my room and my damn foot went berserk. It was time to take another dose of pain meds so I took it. I don’t plan on getting up until it’s time to make the casserole. I am tired from running all over the house, putting things away. I didn’t realize I bought so much soda. It will last though because I don’t drink it every day. I still have my orange mango from Nantucket Nectars. I bought them last month and I think I just drank one. I bought 7Up, my favorite soda ever. I haven’t had it in so long. Only certain stores sell it so it’s hard to find a 20 oz bottle. I bought a 12 pk of 12 oz cans.

The casserole came out okay. I don’t think I will make it again. I don’t know why I bought cheddar cheese and sour cream. I didn’t use it when I had a piece. I was kind of full with just half a scoop. It was fun making it though my ankle and foot didn’t like it. My back is bothering me too. I lugged a quarter case of water up to my room and think I took my hip out in the process. I am so tired now. I want to nap but am afraid that if I do, I will be up all night. I could be up all night anyway if I stay up.

I listened to like 4 innings of the game before cooking. They were losing 3-1 when I left. I thought they would comeback and they didn’t. They had their first loss today at 6-1. There is a second game but it is only on TV. I am upset over this as I want to listen to it. I like listening to it better than watching. I had some baseball fix. The starting pitchers only pitch 1 or 2 innings before changing. I never noticed that before, but then I never really paid much attention to Spring Training. I usually just pay attention when the season officially starts but I need baseball in my life right now. It’s like a drug to me and I was jonesing pretty bad the off season.

I’m a duck

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

I had a difficult sleep, not falling asleep till 5ish. I woke up 15 minutes before my alarm and just laid there until it went off. I felt like shit but got up. As I was walking to the bathroom, I got the dry heaves. There goes brushing my teeth. I used the bathroom and as I was washing my hands, the heaves got worse. Phlegm at the back at my throat wouldn’t go up or down and it was gagging me. I got sick and then felt a little better. I had some queasiness in my stomach so took a Zofran. I got dressed and then headed to the bus stop.

I figured having a breakfast sandwich might settle my stomach, but I wasn’t so sure about the espresso so I just had 4 shots. The Zofran worked and the queasiness went away. I still wanted my bed but I had to see my therapist. I wrote for a while, not writing much. Time seemed to pass very slowly. I left Starbucks a little after 1 to catch the train to my therapist’s office. As I was crossing the street, I bumped into a former lab coworker. We talked for a bit. It was so good seeing him. I told him I had to run but it was good seeing him. I went to the train station and got off at my stop.

My therapist and I got caught up. He told me I was a duck. I asked what he meant and he said that above the surface, I looked like I was calm and collected but underneath, my feet were panicking trying to stay above water. He said that I was anxious. I said that I didn’t feel anxious and he said that is what I am noticing about you. I let that slide. It was a good session overall. Even though I had my doubts that he would work, it seems like he will. I am glad I stuck with him, even though there were plenty of times I wanted to end. Hell, in the first few months, I wanted to leave 5 minutes before our session started. Just run out on him. It has been 10 months in working with him. He is laid back, though I like that about him. It makes me more relaxed to be around him. I like that we are having more back to back conversations and I am not the only one talking the whole time, I mean, I do but it is followed by feedback, which was lacking the first few months.

After the session, I went to the butcher shop to get some ground beef. I want to make a chili cornbread casserole tomorrow for dinner. My check came in today so I ordered my groceries with the ingredients that I will need. I hope I have a decent sleep so I can make it. I don’t know if I am getting sick or not or if it is just being up all night that I feel so rotten. My brother in law has the stomach bug so I have been trying to avoid him so I don’t get sick.

I am really fatigued from being up all night. I hate when I am up past 3 am. Just feels like you did a double or something and trying to catch sleep that you never can catch. I do have to be a little more vigilant in taking my pain meds regularly. I was doing so good and then I kind of slacked and I think missing a dose here and there has caused me to feel unwell. It might have contributed to me feeling sick this morning.

did too much in a short time

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Did too much in a short time

My med alarm went off at around 0830. I took my meds and then wondered if I should get up. Other than waking up briefly at 0430, I mostly slept through the night, the first in a long time. I only got up because my back was hurting. My sister had come up and I said hi. I decided to make pancakes. While I was making it, my sister asked if my other sister could borrow my laptop. I said sure. After I finished eating and put my dishes in the sink, my sister came. I went upstairs to get my laptop. I went on it briefly to close my browsers. I still haven’t fixed the touchpad so I took my mouse down.

My mother had been washing clothes. After she put in a load, she said I had to do, she said I had to do the dishes. I wasn’t feeling up to it, just because she said I had to. While my sister was on the laptop, I made some coffee. I drank half of it and decided to shower. The game would be on in about 15 minutes. I had timed it right. I turned on the TV to watch the game. After the 2nd or 3rd inning, I did the dishes. There weren’t that many. I washed my coffee pot, taking the filter and stuff apart to get the coffee grinds out. My ankle was getting sore. Whatever my sister was doing on my laptop, was frustrating her so she went downstairs for my other sister to help her.

I went to the living room and told my mother I wanted grilled cheese for supper. She said she wanted raviolis. I said okay. I took out a container of gravy in the freezer and watched another inning of baseball. My sister texted me saying my younger sister made some flatbread pizza. I went downstairs to have some. It was good. I might make some tomorrow. My sister was done with my laptop so I retreated up to my room.

By the time I got there, my ankle was killing me. It was time for my meds anyway. I have been bad at putting in my med reminder. I turned on the game to hear the back to back homeruns by Swihart and Barfield. We are currently leading 6-1. I think I overdid things because I hurt so bad. I am glad I don’t have to make dinner but I do have to go back down the stairs to eat it. I am hoping the meds will kick in by then and I am in less pain.

My cousin was at the Children’s Museum today with her daughter. She showed a pic of her in a window with the Hood Milk Bottle in the background. It brought back many memories. I will never forget the time I was a teen counselor for a children’s summer camp. We went there for the day. I had an idiot adult counselor that hated children. Why he chose to work with them, I’ll never know. So we were at the museum, and the fire alarm goes off. Total chaos as we had to evacuate the building. The rules were that the teens were not to be left alone with our group of ten kids. I had no idea where this jerk was. I kept everyone together and we went outside. I met up with our module and there he was, coming from the Hood Bottle, eating an ice cream. I was so damn mad. He got written up for abandoning his job, which he should have lost, but that is my opinion. It was wicked scary. Luckily, there was no fire. Someone must have pulled the alarm by accident. The kids were safe and that was all that mattered.

goal for the week completed

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Goal for the week completed

I’ve had a rough day. I woke up a few hours after I fell asleep at bloody 0430. I was in pain so took some pain meds. I wanted to eat and I think I had a pop tart. It’s all a blur now. I went back to my room and took an Ativan to get back to sleep. Then I started reading Harry Potter. I read until I got sleepy. I must have tossed and turned while I slept because when I woke up, my body pillow which was under the sheets, were now on top of them. I only woke up because my damn mother called. Pissed me off. I got up about a half hour later and the bitch was clapping! I just walked away, not saying a word. I had another pop tart. I wanted to make pancakes but I didn’t have the energy.

I went back to my room and wrote to my support group. My pain was unreal and I just wanted to cut off my foot. I told them how my mother is insensitive to my sleeping. She just thinks that you should be up at 7 and then watch tv all day. She cleaned up the kitchen as I noticed my mugs were missing. I am too angry at her to find out where she put them.

I finished the rest of Harry Potter. I feel like I accomplished something this week. My next book will be 1984. I hope I can read it by the end of the month. I might start it tonight after I take my night meds. I am in one shitty mood. I can’t stand being in pain anymore. I missed the ball game today. I could have turned it on while I was reading but I can’t listen and read at the same time. I don’t know what the score was but we won. One of my favorite outfielders, Jackie Bradley, Jr. Had himself game. I feel bad that I missed it what he did. I’ll try and listen tomorrow.

I feel like shit and just want to sleep. I’ll be taking my night meds after I finish writing this. I hope that I sleep through the night, though I don’t have hopes for sleeping past 0600. That hasn’t happen in a week now. Maybe tomorrow I will shower. I was hoping to do that today but I am too tired. I don’t think my foot would like it anyway. It was warm today as my mother had the back door open. I was shocked. She never opens it when the heat is on.