Category: chronic physical pain

neurontin hangover and other things

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Neurontin hangover and other things

I woke up at an early hour, which I don’t remember now. I was in pain and so I took my pain meds. Within a couple of hours, the pain was still there and I said fuck it, I wasn’t going to do anything today. I took 900 mg of Neurontin and went to sleep. I just woke up now with the hugest hangover. I made a burger and then some much needed coffee.

I still don’t have internet services. I am using my phone’s hotspot to connect and publish my blogs. I am using data like crazy. I still haven’t reached a 1 GB mark on my phone or hotspot data but it’s getting close. I called Verizon last night and they said there is a problem in the central office. They are working on the problem and will call me when it’s straightened out. I have the modem off for now. No need for it to be on as I can’t use it.

Last night I was going to watch STTNG but Roger Clemens was in the Sox booth calling the game. He is one of my all time favorite pitchers. I have three of his rookie cards. They aren’t graded so I don’t know the value of the cards, but if it’s a good grade it would be worth a lot of money. I had a website where I could send my cards to be graded for I think like $20. I was going to send one of the cards but never did. Now I don’t know where I saved the website. I was trying to look for it with my phone but the google on your phone is much different than on your laptop browser. I couldn’t find the site to send it. I downloaded an app but in order to use it, you had to pay a monthly charge. I wasn’t going to do that.

It was awesome hearing Clemens call the game last night. The Sox won 2-1. It was a fast paced game as the pitchers didn’t take too long between pitches. It felt longer because there were minimal hits.

I’m still in a lot of pain. I plan on making another burger for dinner later. I froze the other burgers in the package. I wish I had called my mother this morning to take out my ground beef so that I could make my gravy tomorrow. I’ll probably take it out Monday to make it Tuesday. I would tomorrow but I have therapy Monday evening and I don’t want to be in pain when I go.

I think I am going to start watching at least a couple episodes of STTNG. The game is on at 2000 again. I’d like to do something before that time. If I had internet, I would just read Twitter. One of my therapist friends who is gay was talking about the history of Pride and the gay liberation movement. It’s been a learning experience. In between he talks about what he plans on making for dinner. Last night, he made potato pancakes. I love them. He offered me a chair at his table, which I thought was nice of him. He just so cool. If I had found him earlier, he might have been my therapist. I really hope that I can have the courage to talk to my therapist on Monday about my concerns. It will be really hard for me as I am not used to asking what I need. I just go with the flow and that hurts me, sometimes. Maybe I will write it down and read it off to him. That might help center my thoughts better and I won’t forget what I want to discuss.

I still am reeling that he wasn’t as supportive as I thought he would be when I told him I was moving forward with my transition. That really bugged me and made me cancel last week’s session. I think I will write it up as I am drinking my espresso on Monday. I might do it before hand if I really think about it. Thing is, I don’t want to think about it. I spent 16 years trying to get my therapist to get me and I failed. In the end, she decided she wasn’t “effective” for me, all because of a blog I wrote about one session. That started our demise and things ended a few months later. I really don’t want the same thing happening with this therapist. Mostly because finding a therapist lately has been so fucking difficult. I live where thousands of therapists are and yet most of them are not taking on new clients.

What hurts the most is that she decided to split on our anniversary date. Then a month later, we had our last session. I’m still expecting her to call me. Now I am just in touch with her for billing questions on my outrageous statement.

long day and still no internet services

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Long day and still no internet service

I finally fell asleep around 0200 and then woke up at 0600 for some reason. I was half asleep so not sure if I had to use the bathroom or what but I went back to sleep until my alarm went off. I didn’t want to get up but I had to shave my head and shower. I had gotten in the habit of shaving the sides and back of my head. It feels good and I like it. Unfortunately, I don’t do a great job in the back as it is uneven but I don’t care. I mostly wear a hat so no one will really see it.

I caught the 11 bus and it was on time, which is shocking. I stayed at Starbucks until it was time to leave for my psych appt. I had breakfast and wrote in my journal while drinking my espresso. It was really good as the weather was cool but a little muggy. The sun kept going in and out, threatening to rain but it didn’t until I came home.

I saw my psych and we had a good talk. I told her about my therapist and how I am not sure I am going to stick with him. She encouraged me to talk to him about my concerns. I am kind of nervous about it because I never had to tell someone how I want to be treated so this is new to me. I told her I would try and then let her know as she would be interested in what he has to say.

As I was walking back to the train station, my Achilles flared up. Not too bad, but enough that I had to limp. Luckily I didn’t have to wait too long for the train. I got to the Square and went to the butcher shop to get burgers for dinner. I was starving. The bus was late and I was getting angry as I was so hungry. Then the bus came and there was traffic down the street we needed to go down. I just wanted to go home! Soon as I was near my house, the rain started so I made it home just in time.

My mother had taken out some ground beef, which I didn’t notice on the counter earlier. We used that and I will use my burgers tomorrow. Both my ankles are hurting me and I took my pain meds when I got to my room. After I ate, I called Verizon to find out why I still had no internet. Apparently, there is some problem with my account as it is still pending and they don’t know why. Just lovely. So until it’s resolved, I have to use my phone’s hotspot to have the net on my laptop. I am using data like crazy. I try not to be on my laptop too long as I use my phone for most things, but my phone doesn’t like to refresh Facebook and that is annoying as I get the same stories for the past few days rather than what is going on today. I also notice when I post and then refresh, my post goes away. It’s annoying me. Twitter is so much better.

For my blog readers, I apologize for not keeping up with your blogs while I have no net services. My phone is terrible at getting them through the WordPress app. I’ll try and check them after I publish this blog and comment on them.

I am very tired. Even after I drank my espresso, I was ready for a nap. Pain has really been interrupting my sleep and/or causing me to go to bed later than I would like to. I am not going to do anything for the rest of the night except to possibly listen to the game. I lasted through to the 8th inning last night and then all hell broke lose with my foot so I turned it off. I thought I would sleep but I couldn’t get comfortable. I was having so many different kinds of pain that I was so fed up, I didn’t know how to ease it. I wrote to my psych to vent as I was so frustrated. I really wanted to just take something that would kill myself or amputate my ankle.

This Sunday is Father’s Day. It’s the 2nd year without my father. I seriously never thought I would miss him so much. I thought I would just be glad he was gone but it’s not exactly a comforting thought when they actually are. I still remember one day when he was showing affection and hugged me lovingly. It had to have been the first time in a LONG time that he did this. I was taken aback by it. It will always stick out in my mind because he was gone not even six months later. It’s hard not having him there anymore. No more lengthy doctor appointments or scheduling this or that with him. It’s just weird not having him around.

day four of no internet services

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Day four of no internet services

I got a lot accomplished today. I woke up before 0800 and decided to go to Starbucks to work on my blog project. I checked my net to see if it was turned on but it wasn’t. I wasn’t going to sit around waiting so caught the next bus to the Square. I had breakfast and my espresso and then got to work. I had two chapters to read and write up to finish the project. I was done by 1130. I included a little conclusion. Then I went to CVS to get a Father’s Day card for my mother. She wanted a 99 cent card but they didn’t have any. I bought one for $4. She may flip but I don’t care. I couldn’t spend all day looking at cards. My ankle was getting angry just walking to CVS. I had to go home and take my meds.

I came home and still no net. I called and they said I should have service after 1400, but it could be until 1700 for the wiring to be completed. Fucking great. So I am typing without distractions from the net. I am tired and want to nap. I really don’t feel like typing up what I wrote as when I opened the document I started, I was on chapter 3, which means I have 7 chapters plus the conclusion to write up. I hope some people are appreciative of this work that I am doing. It has taken me a long while to do because of pain flare ups and depressive mood swings where I don’t want to do anything. I started this book in Feb and I am just finishing it today. Well, it’s almost done, once I get to typing up the seven chapters.

I slept pretty good as when I woke up, I thought it was after 10 as my mother wasn’t up and the house was quiet. Then I looked at the kitchen clock and it wasn’t. I am glad I had a good sleep. I didn’t want to go back to sleep because I would have felt unmotivated to do anything today. I am glad I got out. I had two meals at Starbucks. Lunch was their new protein box of BBQ chicken and carrots. It also contains apples but I didn’t eat them because they had put stuff on it so it doesn’t turn brown and I don’t want to ingest those chemicals. I just ate the sandwich and carrots. I drank an iced tea/lemonade. I got a medium rather than a large.

I am pretty tired. Reading always makes me tired for some reason. I also think I am tired because I have the damn runs from the senna. I have gone to the bathroom three times today. I am physically exhausted. I hope I don’t go anymore or I will take some Imodium. That usually settles things down.

Feet are frozen and it’s 76 degrees today. I had to shut off the ceiling fan because I was cold. I’ve had the AC off since last night as it’s been comfortable. It was supposed to be humid today but it’s not. It will be, of course, humid when I have my therapy appointment on Monday. I am tempted to cancel on him again but I will see him one more time. If I don’t get a vibe from him, I am going to tell him see ya later. I just don’t want to invest in someone that is not going to give a damn about me. I don’t know where I will go. I have this Life Support group that is next door to his office. They contacted me the day I had my first appt with him. I told them I would keep them in mind should I need them. I will contact them on Tuesday if this guy doesn’t pan out. I really would like a male therapist, not that I have anything against females. It’s just out of the 13 therapists that I have had, most of been female. I’d like to see if a male can be better suited to my needs. If not, I will take what I can get, I guess.

using hotspot, again

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Using hotspot, again

I didn’t go to sleep till well after 0300. That was when I had a bowl of cereal and the pain had settled down enough for me to sleep. I slept for almost 12 hours, waking up only twice to use the bathroom. I checked my internet service and still had not access. I was hungry so decided to have something to eat before being on hold forever with Verizon.

I called and there is a problem with the central office so my account hasn’t been cleared yet. I should have services tomorrow. Fuckers. I am glad I can use my phone for net on my laptop. I would use my phone but typing up a blog is difficult and my phone likes to change simple words whenever it feels like it. Like I typed is and it changed it to us. So annoying!! I constantly have to double check what I wrote to make sure it is what I wrote.

Foot is still hurting but it’s not as bad as it was last night. My Achilles has calmed down as well. I thought about going to walgreens to return something but think I will give it another day’s rest. I really don’t want it flaring up again as the pain is hard to control.

I had emailed my PCP’s office to see if I could expedite my appointment with the CRPS specialist and I will be seeing one of her colleagues rather than her. Great. Don’t know when that will be. I hope it will be sooner than February 2018! Last night’s pain was terrible. I had to take a boat load of meds just to stay on top of it.

It is much cooler today than it was yesterday. I shut the fan and AC off. It’s comfortable in my room, though my feet are fucking freezing. I need to put on my thermal socks so they can warm up. I hope the temp stays the same over the next few days. I like it this temp, neither too hot or too cold.

Sox won last night in extra innings, again. I was so tired last night that I didn’t really pay attention too much. I tried but it was a lot of bullshit in between the Twitter line about the idiot Sessions’s testimony. It went through most of the night and today. When I woke up, I saw on Facebook there were two shootings, one in Virginia and the other in San Francisco. Just terrible and then you have the fire in London that was devastating. I should go back to sleep so I don’t have to hear it.