Category: CRPS

listening to Taylor Swift all day

by Midnight Demon, posted in baseball, blogging, CRPS, depression

Listening to Taylor Swift all day

I finally was able to get Fearless (Taylor’s version) on my phone. It took nearly a week for the amazon app to get it on my device. I am so glad I finally have this music. Right now I am listening to Evermore and then I will switch to Fearless.

I am sort of in a brain fog so I don’t think this will be long. I am still feeling so wicked tired from the Covid. I had coffee and something to eat with it. I plan on having some more of my pad Thai that I ordered yesterday. I was able to eat a quarter of it along with the appetizer I bought with it. I don’t have an appetite today so I don’t know if I will eat.

I am so fricken cold. It is 67 degrees in my room and 50 outside. The wind is making everything colder. I wanted to go out but I keep on getting cold sweats. I think I am over the worst of it but this fatigue is really bad. I need to go to the pharmacy to pick up my meds but only one is ready and I rather have two than one. I contacted my doctor because I think who ever handles it thought, again, that I was requesting the same medication twice. I wish they would spell out the damn abbreviations so it would be easier to know one is immediate release and the other is extended release. Drives me crazy that I have to go through this every couple of months.

Sox are on fire, though they are down by two runs right now. I am not listening to the game like I should. I just don’t have the brain power to listen. I am feeling lightheaded. My blood pressure is low so I am dehydrated. I just got some soup from my sister so I can increase my fluids. I really been craving Lipton soup but we don’t have any. I put it on my grocery list. It is the only soup I like when I am sick. I just pulled a hoodie on because I am freezing. No fever though.

Day 6 of Covid19

by Midnight Demon, posted in blogging, Chronic pain, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression

Day 6 of covid19

I am in my 6th day of quarantining and being sick from covid. I feel really tired and weak. I have been trying to stay hydrated but it has been difficult as all I want to do is sleep. Today I felt a little better so made my coffee and had my breakfast cookies with it while in bed. My sister has been helpful in getting me food and stuff but I haven’t been too hungry.

Taylor Swift released her version of Fearless today and I have been having trouble downloading the songs after buying the album. There just seems to be a glitch between my phone and Amazon music app. The app is awful and with each update, gets worse and worse. But I am listening to the app as that is the only way to listen to the music right now. I am not entirely up for listening to music because my head feels so wonky due to covid. I just feel like I have the worst cold ever.

I need to shower today. I haven’t had a shower since last week. I know it is going to take a lot of energy to shower and wash up. I know I will feel a little better if I take one. It might clear up my nose for a little bit. I hate a stuffy nose more than anything. I hate being sick. All I keep thinking of is the setback this is going to cost me because I am not being active like I wanted to be. I just want to sleep all the time. I will be out of quarantine Tues. I cannot wait. I probably will still stay in my room but I am going to go for a walk somewhere soon as I get clearance from the government. Then I can schedule my vaccine so I don’t get it again.

I finally got the stimulus money so I plan on calling the probate court when I feel a little better to order a certified copy of my legal name change so I can get my passport renewed. I’ve been wanting to get my passport renewed for a while but I never had the money for it. The total cost for getting it is around $200, which includes getting my certified paperwork.

I am fighting a nap so hard. I am trying not to sleep too much today but it is getting exhausting. The fatigue I feel is way worse than my normal fatigue. I really hate that this is going to decondition me further. I think I am going to have to be in PT the rest of the year to get some of my strength back. My PT is good though so I am glad I have a good therapist. Sucks I couldn’t see her this week though. I canceled my appointment because I thought I would be getting the vaccine and too messed up by the shot to see her. Nope. Now I got to reschedule the vaccine yet again.

I’ve been down since July…

by Midnight Demon, posted in blogging, cauda equina syndrome, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, disability

I’ve been down since July…

Been listening to the song Evermore by Taylor Swift. It is a song that I can relate to. It means so much to me. I am home alone and listening via my Bluetooth headset. I had two cups of coffee today and I am not feeling hungry at all despite just having the belVita biscuits with the coffee. I am trying to keep track of my bladder function by recording the times I void in an excel sheet on my phone. I just added cath to my med app so I know what time I am supposed to go by. I just drank a bunch of Gatorade so I am hoping to go soon. I am supposed to go every 4-6 hours, more if I drink a lot or have coffee. I have been sticking with the six hour mark rather than four because otherwise I would be cathing instead of voiding on my own. I just don’t get the urge till around really the 5 hour mark. This is all because of the nerve damage caused by the tethered cord that I had and needed surgery for a year ago.

It was a nice day yesterday. I drank my coffee on the back porch. I want to put a chair out there so I can go and sit on the porch and just be outside for a bit. I have to buy the chair. A plastic one so it can be easily washed and not have to worry about the weather spoiling it. Just will have to worry on windy days because it could get blown off the porch!

I had therapy Monday. It ended with me being annoyed. We were talking about my deconditioned body and she wants me to talk to my PT about what I can do about it. Basically it means more PT for me and she said I could have a year of it to regain my strength back. I think she is right. The idea of going back to PT doesn’t appeal to me but I know that I have to do it if I want the short of breath and tiredness to go away. Then I got depressed and we talked about that and how frustrated I am by the managing chronic pain book that I bought. As we ended she said not to work on it until our next session when we can do it together.

I need to shave and shower. I have PT this afternoon. I am not sure if I will be going because my bowels seem to be unpredictable right now. I might have a virtual appointment with her. I need to go out as it has been a week since I last left the house. I had my T shot today in my left nerve damaged thigh. I am kind of hurting but it isn’t too bad. My ankle is hurting me more than my thigh. Having the shot in my thigh always worries me. I need to walk it off and I will today when I go out for my appointment. It is going to be another nice day today, though cooler than it was yesterday.

Last night I was pretty depressed and suicidal. I don’t really know why. I just got overwhelmed with being sad and just wanted to die. I was listening to the song Exile by Taylor Swift. The lyrics were so powerful. I kept wondering why I am still alive. I want to be dead so bad yet the people around me keep me here and I resent them. I really wish I could live some where else so I can be away from my toxic family. I know being around my mother is not good for my mental health but I have no where else to go. I don’t earn enough money to pay rent somewhere. I can’t work. Just sucks and I will always have suicide as an option.

Cold Cloudy Sunday

by Midnight Demon, posted in baseball, Chronic pain, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression

Cold cloudy Sunday

The temp dropped during the night and I woke up freezing around 0230. I was in pain and been taking pain meds throughout the night. Mostly been taking Zanaflex, Tylenol, and my breakthrough med. My whole left arm is hurting for some reason, from the shoulder to my hand. I haven’t lifted anything heavy in the last few days so I don’t know why it is bothering me. I just put on a long sleeve shirt because it is 64 degrees in my room. brrrrr

Four days till Opening Day at Fenway! I am very excited we are getting 162 days of baseball. Last year just sucked with 60 games. I don’t know if they will have the games broadcasted on the radio app this year or not. I hope they do so I can listen anywhere. My favorite pitcher got scratched for starting opening day due to dead arm. I really wanted to see him start off the season at home.

I am so tired so I just plan on staying in bed today. Only thing I have to do is my meds for the week. I should get rid of my recycle that has accumulated on my bed. I have empty Gatorade bottles at the foot of my bed. For some reason I can really suck down a 20 oz bottle faster than a 32 oz. I need to start preparing for changing my sheets again. I think I am going to wash the new sheets I have and then use them on my bed.

My neck is starting to hurt again. I need to put heat on my shoulders and neck. I haven’t done it in a few days because my neck wrap is on my bed and I keep forgetting to bring it down when I go downstairs. I’ve been wanting to make a cup of tea for a while now. I just haven’t had the patience to make a cup. I just want to stay on my bed all the time.

WordPress changed the way they set up blogs. I don’t like it because you got to write out the tags and categories instead of just clicking on them like before. Pain in the ass. What normally took me 10 minutes to do now takes 20. Sucks. I hate the change. I knew it was going to happen when they had two ways of creating a blog. It was just a matter of time before they gave you the option you didn’t like.

I have therapy tomorrow. This week for appointments aren’t too bad. I have PT and I see my psychiatrist. I can’t wait to see my PT because my shoulder is so bad. I have been trying to decrease the time I spend on my phone but it has been difficult. I was waiting for a book to come yesterday but it won’t be in until next week. I am so bummed. It’s a baseball history book that one of the baseball people I follow on Twitter recommended to me. I think it is what I am looking for in the history of team names and such.