Category: mood disorders

ramblings 355

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Ramblings 355

My brother in law made some shrimp scampi and I had some. I really shouldn’t have but it was good and I over ate. I really wanted to stay up till 2100 but I couldn’t. I ended up going to sleep around 2030. I had to take my antibiotic so I didn’t sleep too well. Around 2300, the light in the hallway was on. I figured my mother had gone downstairs to use the bathroom. I listened carefully but didn’t hear anything. Then I started thinking the worse and that woke me up. I took my antibiotic and then went downstairs to see if she was okay. She was. She had watched a movie and then decided to empty the dishwasher.

I used the bathroom and then tortured my mouth again by brushing and using the rinse. My gums are starting to feel better but brushing my teeth is still kind of sore. I’m glad my gums aren’t bleeding anymore. I went back up to my room and I was awake. I couldn’t go back to sleep. Then my ankle started acting up. I took my pain meds with some water. I hope my prescription is ready to be picked up tomorrow because I only have a few pain meds left. Damn medical assistant got my strong pain med and regular one mixed up. She thought it was the same thing. Oi. Dumbass. It’s like saying Amoxicillin and Penicillin are the same thing. Sure, they are the same class of meds but they work differently. I don’t get it. I thought you had to pass a pharmacology course to be a medical assistant. I guess they don’t stress that anymore.

After I see the dentist tomorrow, I will call my PCP’s office to see if my script is ready to be picked up. If I have to camp my ass in the office to get it done, I will. I can’t be without my pain meds. That will just not be good.

I had slept for most of the day because I was up most of the night. Now it seems like I will be up most of the night again. I am just not tired because my mother freaked me out and gave me a scare. I don’t know why she emptied the dishwasher at 2300. She sounded okay so she wasn’t in a hypoglycemic (low blood sugar) state. She does weird things. I am just glad she is sleeping now. She can sleep at the drop of a hat. I can’t. It takes a long while for me to get to sleep.

One of my Twitter friends suggested that I write a blog about how therapists are picky about the clients they choose. He said it would be a powerful blog. I have been thinking about it but I really don’t know where to start. I have seen so many therapists over the years but none of them have rejected me because of my suicidality or hospitalizations. It’s trying to find a new therapist that is the problem. I will write it, eventually. I have a lot to say on the matter as I am pissed off about not being able to find someone for the reasons I stated. Makes me really wonder why they chose clinical mental health and not some academic position. Makes no sense.

Sunday Blog 13 Aug 2017

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Sunday Blog 13 August 2017

I had a hard time sleeping last night after I came home from the cruise. Around 0430, I decided to go to bed. I got all nice and comfy and was ready to fall asleep when my bladder said, haha just kidding. Took me another 45 mins to get settled and fall asleep. I got up around 11. Took my antibiotic and pain meds. Then I made a bowl of cereal. It hurts so much to chew. I tried to eat on the side that doesn’t hurt but it’s hard. After I ate, I brushed my teeth and used the rinse the dentist gave me. I don’t like it because it makes my tongue tingle. I hope I am not allergic to it. I never been on this before so I hope it’s nothing to worry about.

I went back to sleep after I tortured my mouth. I woke up about an hour ago. I had some White Castle burgers for dinner. My tooth was really hurting so I took some ibuprofen. My gums are starting to feel better so that is good. I think the antibiotics are kicking in. I have to take them three times a day. I see the dentist tomorrow morning. I have to set my alarm as I have to see him at 8. It’s really hard for me to get up in the morning lately because I go to bed so late.

I’m going to try and stay awake till at least 2100. I am so tired. I had wanted to go to the pharmacy to get my pain meds filled but the pharm is closed now. I wish I had some cookies or chocolate. I know there are chocolate chips in the fridge so I may have that later. I am craving chocolate. My next grocery order I am buying ingredients to make cakes and cookies. I got a good Lemon Sour Cream cookie recipe that seems really easy to make. One of my Facebook friends also sent me a chocolate zucchini recipe that is loaded with chocolate chips and cocoa. I can’t wait to try that out.

I need to fill my med box for the week. My legs are still sore from standing last night. I had tried to use a heating pad on them last night so they wouldn’t be so sore today but it didn’t work. It’s really humid today so I got my AC cranking. I love the cool air. My mother went over her sister’s today and is still not home yet. She probably won’t be home until later tonight.

Cruise Night

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Cruise night

My youngest sister and I went on a Booze Cruise to benefit autism. It was a great night. My sister knew more people than I did, but I still had a good time. I took pics until it got too dark. The weather was great. By the time we went back to the dock, I was hurting. My sister wanted to go out with her friends so she called me an Uber to go home. I shared a car with a couple who lived in my area. We hit every fricken red light until we got on the highway.

My day was fairly okay. Before the cruise, we went to Legal Seafood for dinner. They got my order wrong, twice! Then when the right order came, I wasn’t that hungry anymore. I ate half the sandwich and some fries. It was okay but my mouth was hurting. The dentist finally called in the antibiotic and some oral rinse that I need to use. I see the dentist on Monday morning. I had one drink on the cruise and didn’t want to take pain meds but my mouth was hurting me more than my chronic pain. It was really uncomfortable.

I am really tired and sore. I stood a lot and when I took off my sock when I got home, it set off my foot pain. I think it’s going to be a long night.

long ass day and dental problems

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Long ass day and dental problems

Because my medication alarm is annoying, I got up around 8 even though I didn’t want to. I took a shower and I was exhausted. I wanted to go back to bed but I really wanted to get my haircut early. I caught the next bus and found that the shop didn’t open till 10. I went to Starbucks and had breakfast.

Around 10, I went to the barber shop and got my haircut. I still had time before my psych appt so I went back to Starbucks for a coffee. Should not have done that. My heart was pounding by the time I saw my psych. Before I saw her, I went to my PCP’s office to pick up my prescriptions, least I thought there would be 2. There was one so I went back. The idiot medical assistant was confused about the two medication so only printed out one and of course my PCP wasn’t there to sign for it. I’d have to have another doc sign. I have to go back Monday to pick it up. I will run out by then. I am beyond pissed.

I talked a lot with my psych. I told her about the gender dysphoria I was having this week as my breasts seem to weigh a hundred pounds. I hate looking at them so I avoid putting my head down. It was awful showering as one was more tender than the other. I really can’t wait to have them cut off. Don’t know when that will be but I hope it will be within a good time frame once I start testosterone.

We also talked about the idiot therapist place that said I was too sick. A friend suggested I write a blog. I tried working on it while I was at Starbucks but nothing came to me as I just thought about my ex-therapist. It made me sad. I miss her so much. She sent off a refill for my Zoloft as that is the only medication that I need at the moment. I don’t have any refills left on it and it will need to be refilled before she is back from vacation.

After the appt, I went to mall to get my sunglasses fixed. I was so tired despite the caffeine intake. I hope I sleep good tonight and am not in too much pain. My mother made fish for dinner and as I was eating, some of the food irritated my gumline. It has been sore for more than a week now so I looked at it and it looks like I have an abscess. Wonderful. Guess I’ll be seeing the dentist on Monday rather than Thursday. I don’t think I can risk waiting that long.

I won’t be doing anything the rest of the night. I thought about taking another shower to get rid of the excess hair on my head but I used a facecloth to scrub it off. My hair is short anyways. I was too tired to take one. Sox are playing tonight so I will listen to the game. While on the bus ride home, a passenger accidently kicked my foot so I am sore and then my phone fell on it. So in addition to walking all over the place, I really hope pain doesn’t flare up. I took my pain meds soon as I got home. I might take the strong pain pill as a precaution. I had to take some ibuprofen while I was eating dinner as I haven’t taken any all day. Because I had food in my stomach, I took 800 mg. I usually take 600 mg when I haven’t eaten. I ate a lot of fish as it was really good and I didn’t have lunch.

Tomorrow is the cruise. I hope I am not in a lot of pain. I have been looking forward to this for a while now. A former coworker of mine will be going so it will be good to see her. I just hope the weather will be good. Rain will kill cause me so much pain but it’s supposed to be humid so we’ll see. I am so excited. My sister wants to go to Legal Seafood before the cruise. I’ll just have their clam chowder. I am not big on their food. Last time I ate there I had fried clams and it was not seasoned with anything but flour. It was awful. My sister like their lobster rolls. I am not a lobster fan so don’t get the appeal.