Tag: chronic illness

Sunday Blog 11-Feb-18

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Sunday blog 11 Feb 18

I had my aunt’s wake today. It went okay. I saw a lot of my cousins that I have seen in quite some time. I am exhausted. I mostly stood the whole time I was there. Not good for my foot. I had to take a pain pill while I was there. Then there was a priest that said a little service. He seemed to go on forever. Then my cousin said a prayer. It was from St. Thomas of Assisi I think. Afterwards, my sisters, brother in law, and I went out to eat. We went to a Mexican restaurant. I had a burrito, that I wasn’t sure how to eat as it had cheese sauce on it. My sister said to eat it with a knife and fork. So I did. It was good. While trying to get in the car on the way home, my foot got stuck in the door. Took me a few tried to get it in the car. It was really hurting then.

I am resting now. I just realized I didn’t make my pill box for the week. Dammit! I’ll fix it when I am done with this blog. I was out most of the afternoon. I didn’t sleep well as I woke up around 3 with my back hurting. It was raining so my arthritic spine went off. Always does. I don’t care what the “scientists” say, when it rains, it hurts.

Word has a template for blogs. I was going to use it but it says that it gives out my information so decided against it. Someone has already tried hacking my blog and I had to change the password. I am glad WordPress has a two step security thing or I never would have known.

I got a migraine. Started out as a headache while I was at the restaurant but now lights and sounds are bothering me. This is the second migraine I’ve has in two days. Don’t know why. So much for wanting to read later. I am just going to go to bed early. Tomorrow I see the pain psychologist. I am really nervous about seeing him. I wonder how long it will be to see a pain doc and if they will prescribe me what I need to help relieve my pain without going through the rigmarole of injections first.

I am so aggravated with my mother. She honestly does NOT fucking get chronic pain, at all! I told her how my foot got stuck in the door of my sister’s car. She asked if I could feel it, and I said no. I had to explain to her that I lost the sense of where my foot is and how I have to consciously be aware of where my foot is or I run the risk of falling or tripping on it. Then she says, “I am walking pretty good”. WTF Like how am I supposed to walk?? Am I supposed to drag my foot? I don’t understand. Makes me so fucking angry.

Saturday blog 10 Feb 18

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders, physical pain

I didn’t go to sleep till around 5 am. I was in pain all night. I was in severe pain when I woke up 5 hours later. I took some more meds as it was close to 12 hours since my last dose. I feel like shit. My mother made pork chops for dinner. I was glad as that meant I didn’t have to cook. I wanted bacon though so I heated it up. It was the pre-made kind.

I will be taking my night meds soon and going back to sleep. I am so tired. I have no energy to do anything. I might make a cup of orange spice tea. It is herbal and no caffeine. I finally remembered to buy it on my last grocery order. I started making another order the other night when I couldn’t sleep. Just my Powerade and ribs alone was $50. I go through like 20 bottles of Powerade a month. They are kind of expensive and not really on sale. Another grocery store has them for less but they don’t carry the flavor I like.

Tomorrow is the wake for my aunt. I plan on just wearing jeans and a dress shirt. I don’t have dress/casual pants that fit me. I hate being so heavy. I’ve been trying to watch what I eat but it is hard. I will be seeing family members I have not seen in a long time.

I sent my psychiatrist an email but I don’t think I made much sense. It was late and I don’t even remember what I wrote. She didn’t respond so I guess that is a good thing.

Pain is creeping up again. Hope it doesn’t keep me up another night. It will be the third night in a row. I am so tired of being in severe pain all the time. It really sucks.

chronic pain and quick to anger

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Chronic pain and quick to anger

I didn’t sleep well last night. I fell asleep sometime after 0200 because of pain. My reminder med alarm went off around 0815 and I wanted to throw the phone across the fucking room. I was so sleepy to finagle the phone to shut off the noise. I took my pills then went back to sleep for a few hours. I woke up around noon in pain. I felt hung over, like I had been drinking hard all night. My head and neck were hurting because I was somehow trying to meld with my headboard. My head was under the pillow and my head was on the headboard. It was an odd angle that made my neck hurt. I have no idea what happened to the pillow I was using. When I got up to put my slippers on, I found it on the floor. I really didn’t want to leave the house but I wanted to try the new cherry mocha at Starbucks. They would only have it until Wednesday.

I didn’t feel like going back to sleep. My sister was getting a new furnace put in and the guy had my number in case he needed access to her apartment. I got dressed and before I left for the bus stop, talked with the plumber to see if he needed anything. He didn’t and he said he would need another day to finish the work. He said he would call my brother in law if he needed anything. I said ok and left. I was kind of grumpy because I didn’t leave the house yesterday just in case they needed something, I would be around. If I had known my brother in law had given them instructions, I could have gone out to start my story. Oh well.

It was fricken cold as the wind was blowing. I had to put on my hood to block the wind. The bus came and I got to Starbucks. I had a sandwich and the cherry mocha in a reusable container. The drink was fricken expensive but it was for a limited time so I didn’t fuss about it. It was really good so worth it. It tasted like drinking a cherry chocolate bar. After I finished my sandwich, I wanted a cookie and got that. Then I started writing in my journal. I had taken out the notebook as well to start my story. I noticed it was only 80 pages. I don’t know if it was because of the pain and not sleeping, but I became really angry that I paid 2 bucks for less than 100 pages when I had bought a few months ago for $1.89 120 pages for the same kind of notebook! I was fuming! I know now it seemed trivial but for some reason, I just felt ripped off. I couldn’t write anymore so decided to go home. I went to CVS to see what they were charging and for how many pages. It was $3.19 for 100 pages. That is a rip off! I bought some pens that caught my eye when I bought the 80 count notebook. Bic has these pens called Atlantis that are pretty smooth to write with. I was hoping to possibly write when I got home but it didn’t happen. I was exhausted. I felt like I had been hit by a truck. Just moving my arms felt so heavy.

I got out my laptop and went to the email for the number for Dell. I wanted to know what the hell parts were on my laptop so I knew what they were. I was told in the email to contact the customer service department. I talked to them. Then they said I needed technical sales. I was transferred to them. I explained again what I was looking for and was transferred back to customer service. I told them the story only for them to tell me I needed technical support. I said wait a fucking minute. I was told that when I first called and then have been transferred back and forth and now you need to transfer me again? He said he didn’t know anything about parts and had to transfer me. I said okay as my temper flared again. I got transferred, spoke the the girl for not even 10 seconds when the line was cut! WTF!!! I was fuming. I sent a message on twitter to Dell as sometimes you get better service through twitter than you do on the damn fucking phone. Haven’t heard from them but one asshole tweety buddy told me one word, MAC. FUCK YOU I wanted to respond!! I didn’t. I fucking hate when you have a PC problem they tell you to go to Apple and vice versa. UGH Not fucking helpful!! Though I do have a few Apple people who has had their hard drives crash on them so they are not 100% reliable either or have been stuck in the store or on the phone for hours. I still don’t know what the hell parts I have or if I can upgrade. In the meantime, I am just going with it. As long as my Microsoft Office Word works and I can upload my blog, that is all I will use this lemon for until I can get my other laptop fixed. It takes too much memory just to use Facebook so I go on my phone most of the time. Twitter isn’t so bad though if there is a cute kitten or pup pic, I will go on my phone to save it. I have been collecting cute pics for a while now to look at when I am in a grumpy mood and need something cute to cheer me up.

My kitchen tracking lights needed to be replaced so I ordered new bulbs. I got them today and they are the wrong size. My sister said she “told me” they were the wrong size. I am like how the fuck can you know by looking at a website that it is the wrong size??? Then she was looking at the bulb I took out from the socket and she was like see, it says blah blah blah. I am like see the box says blah blah blah. My anger rose again. Now I got to go to the fucking store and change them. I hate returning shit. I would have gone today but my sister was going out to eat so maybe she can take me tomorrow. I got such a headache and my ankle is being a fucking asshole. I better fucking sleep tonight and my head better not try to be one with the headboard again. I am too fucking tired to stay up all night again.

love don’t live here

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Love don’t live here

I was talking with a friend today via Messenger and she encouraged me to listen to Lady A as they are good! HA, they are more than good, they are awesome! They are my favorite group next to Rascal Flatts. There are others but I have bought more music from those guys than the others. This song was just playing random and it’s from their early albums.

I got word today that my aunt who had Alzheimer’s passed away. She would have been 90 tomorrow. She was a very sweet person, always having a smile on her face. She was very pretty. I am going to miss her.

I was hurting on and off today so I didn’t do much. I somehow managed a shower, which caused me a lot of pain afterwards. I never called the LGBT doc’s office or Dell to find out what the hell I have. Their manual for my laptop doesn’t match so I would like to know what is what. I am so regretting buying this thing. I should have just put the money toward repairs of my other laptop, which now I have to repair as I can’t stand this one! I don’t know how much it is going to cost me. I just hope it doesn’t cost more than $300.

Last night my friend posted that Starbucks has a new cherry mocha out. I went there yesterday but didn’t notice that they had a new drink. I plan on going tomorrow for a couple of hours to try and write. I had another “flashback”, for lack of a better word. I was trying to think of why the main character of the story was stuck in a fantasy world rather than the 24th century. I haven’t come up with an answer but am working on it. I am keeping a working outline of it on my phone. Helps to keep track of things.

I have felt so tired today. I tried having a cup of coffee but after the first sip, it just tasted bad. I made it on the Keurig as I didn’t feel like making it with my French press. I should have made a cup of tea. I wanted to read but it hasn’t happened, yet. I keep reading social media on my phone. Even with my laptop open, I am reading it. I started this blog an hour or so ago and I am still writing it. My concentration has been shit lately, only been able to catch small things. Anything longer and I lose interest. I don’t watch video longer than 2 or 3 minutes. A friend of mine from the UK sent me a giraffe GIF. It was so cute. The little giraffe was sticking its tongue out. I loved it. Going to take my night meds and call it a fucking day. I need to hit my pillow.