Tag: chronic pain

Think white noise machine can be marketed as a sleeping pill

by Midnight Demon, posted in baseball, Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

Think white noise machine can be marketed as a sleeping pill

Last night pain was pretty bad. I was up till around 3. It was quiet in my room so turned on the white noise machine and as usual, I was out within 20 minutes. I should know by now to turn it off when I am up in the morning but left it on. I decided to order breakfast, pancakes and Florentine eggs benedict. It was some place I never ordered before. It was way too much food. I was stuffed and I didn’t even eat the pancakes. I figured I would have them for lunch.

I went back to my room after eating and the sound of the machine made me so very sleep on top of all the food I ate. I slept most of the afternoon. I had the pancakes but wasn’t that hungry to finish them off as they were huge. I came back to my room and was sedated again. My mother called me around 4 saying dinner was ready but I didn’t answer. I didn’t want soup. I laid down for a little while and then sat up. I was so sleepy. I turned off the machine and my brain started functioning again.

My brother in law called asking me to lend my laptop to my niece so she could do her homework. When I came back to my room, I tried to put the screen in my window. Couldn’t figure out which groove it went in. I went downstairs to see where it went. Found the groove, went back upstairs, moved some more stuff in front of the window so I could get a better angle to put it in, and still no luck. My back was aching me from being in the bent position so I gave up. I asked my brother in law to put it in for me, he has longer arms than I do. I left the window a little open to get some air. I didn’t want to put on the ceiling fan as it gets too cold. I hope the screen frame isn’t too big for the window, though I seriously doubt it as the only thing that needed fixing was the clips that held the frame together. There is probably some trick I am missing. I was really hoping just sliding it in would work but it seems too big. I hope I don’t have to bring it back.

I made a deep dish pizza for supper. The oven takes forever to preheat so by the time it was read it was before the first pitch of the game. Sox are now losing by 2 runs. Hope we don’t give them 1st place. I will be really upset.

early day for nothing

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

Early day for nothing

I’ve been up since 6. I don’t remember why I woke up. I couldn’t go back to sleep. So I got ready to go out and waited for the bus. My mother wasn’t even up yet. I brought the POS, hoping I would spend a few hours writing. But I was so drained and the espresso wasn’t helping. I was getting aggravated and pain was starting to get unbearable. I brought my pain meds with me but I wanted to go to my bed. I left and then picked up my screen before heading home.

The cousin I was trying to avoid was still there. If I had waited another half hour, I could have missed him. He brought up that I wrote a book and my aunt was shocked that I was published. I gave them a copy of my books. My aunt, like my mother, wanted me to write about something joyful. Then she said I should write about the family and I told her flat out no. I was so stressed I signed the books then went up to my room.

I tried to nap but the pain got worse. I was hungry but didn’t know what to eat. I wanted burgers but didn’t feel like ordering them. I had food so it was just a matter of deciding what to have. My mother made tuna the other day so I had that with crackers. There were hot peppers in it and my stomach didn’t agree with it. My mother was saying that she wanted mac and cheese. I thought she was going to make it her way, which is just elbow macaroni with American cheese melted on it. It’s really good. But she wanted the Kraft mac and cheese I bought. I made it and she complained. Never fails. It is a box, all you do is make the pasta, add the cheese, butter, and a little milk. That is it. It was too salty and I put too much milk. Oi Vey. I told her to just eat it. Next time she can make it.

Despite it being somewhat warm, my room is cold. I didn’t put in the screen because my foot was too cold. It still is. I got it warmed up and I took off the thermal socks. It’s my bad foot so there is nothing I can do. I have it under the heavy fleece blanket and it is still cold. Fucker. I will put the socks back on.

Sox play the Skankees tonight. I am kind of nervous/excited. I want to listen to it. We are one game ahead of the Skanks. These games will be a fight for 1st place in the East division. I really don’t want them to take over when we have had it all this time. But we’ll see. Just hope it doesn’t keep me up all night. I can get either excited or mad and then won’t be able to sleep after the game until I calm down. HAHA. True fan.

A cup of tea with a little bit (ok a lot) of pain

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

A cup of tea with a little bit (ok a lot) of pain

I was supposed to go see my aunt today with my sisters but I hardly got any sleep last night and my pain was off the scale when I got up. I have no idea if it rained but it was cloudy most of the day. The temps have cooled off and I wish I could open my window. I hope to get my screen tomorrow after therapy.

I haven’t been that hungry today. I had a turkey roll up with chipotle mayo. I liked it but my stomach didn’t. I had my cake and other than a couple pieces of cornbread with my tea, that has been it. I will try to have a bowl of cereal later.

My sister called me and was telling me about the family history. Then she told me my cousin, who is as much a Sox fan as I am, was upset that I haven’t texted him all season about the game. HAHA I texted him and gave him the update. He thought I watched the game, but I don’t. I usually listen on the radio or just follow the chatter on twitter. We talked for a bit. I miss seeing him. I wish I had a car and can see them whenever I wanted but I don’t.

Last night after I put on diclofenac gel on my foot and ankle to try and calm it down so I could sleep, I tried to install the drivers to my laptop. Something wonky happened and the laptop restarted. I just shut it off and went to sleep. I tried again before writing and was able to load them without calling support! That is the first time. I am glad I somewhat remembered how to do it on the POS. Think I am going to rename that laptop POS and call this one Milo. Only seems fitting.

I need to make some time for reading. I haven’t been able to finish a book since February. I am about halfway through 1984. I don’t remember the last time I picked it up. Think I will after I finish this blog. I can usually read a few chapters at a time. I just bought a book about chronic pain that a blog reader recommended. I want to finish 1984 so I could start it. I don’t know if I will get back into Neverwhere by Neil Gaiman. It is a weird book. I found out that his genre is fantasy fiction. Never even knew it had a name. I follow him on twitter. He is a good guy. I want to be a quarter of the writer he is, but with dealing with chronic pain, writing has been so hard. Some days I don’t want to write this blog but I force myself to. If I get at least 300 words written, I call it a success. Some days I can write a longer blog but I try to write at least 500 words a day. I don’t know why I have that goal in mind and it would kill me to accomplish it but some days my concentration just isn’t there. Maybe if my pain is better controlled and I can sit at Starbucks for a few hours, I can get some writing done. The POS will be good to take with me and I don’t have to have it connected to the internet. I will turn off the wifi so I am not distracted. My phone will be the other obstacle but one thing at a time. Going to Starbucks on days I don’t have appts will be huge. I don’t have any appointments this week other than with my therapist tomorrow. I do want to make the morning glory muffins again. Those were yummy. So balancing my time this week will be huge. I have the time to read. Just hope I can do it.

why do I bother??

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

Why do I bother

I had a hard time sleeping due to pain. When it sort of settled down after I wrote my 3 am blog, I was hungry. I didn’t dare go downstairs to get something to eat for fear of flaring it up again. I finally fell asleep some time around 4 and woke up four hours later. I took my blood pressure pill and pain meds as my ankle was killing me. Then my alarm went off. I had time to shower. It was painful but I did it. It was still muggy in the house. Despite cooling off some, I was sweating by the time I went back up to my room.

I tried to cool off but there was no point. I didn’t have AC, just the ceiling fan blowing hot air. I got dressed and then left for the bus stop. It was cloudy and when I got to Starbucks, it had started to drizzle. I was hoping it would cool things off but it didn’t. When I was done at Starbucks, the sun was shining. I went to CVS to get my mother a card for Mother’s Day and some tape that she wants. I had already bought her a few things. The tape is kind of a gag gift.

I went into town and got new glasses. The guy said it would be three weeks for them to come in. Great. I am already struggling to read as it is. What is another three weeks. I was early for my pain doc appointment. I went to the lobby of the building and just wrote in my journal. I was nervous about my appointment. I went upstairs 15 minutes before. I was called in by the medical assistant to do vital signs. My blood pressure was a little high. Then a new fellow came in and I had to tell him my story again. He went to get the attending and it was a long time I had to wait. Finally they both came in and the attending said that he decided to put me on a different pain med regimen and he emailed my PCP about it. So he will decide either yes or no. I have no way of knowing if it is a no because I wasn’t in the email. I am once again out of the loop while these doctors decide what is in my interest. I have to wait, again, for their decision. I was not happy. The med is something that I told him shuts off my bladder but he said that only happens with patients with neurogenic bladder. I told him I HAVE neurogenic bladder but I was dismissed. Okay, when I am in the ER because I can’t pee, I guess they will switch me to something else and take four months to decide what to put me on while I suffer.

I was too annoyed to email my psychiatrist to let her know how the appt went. I went to Chipotle when I got to the Square and timed it right to catch the bus home. I was sweating so bad. I ate my burrito while my mother was talking about her bills and the amount she has to pay. I could care less. My sneakers had arrived and my new pajamas pants. I will get them washed. I am still waiting for the shorts. They will arrive Monday. After I ate, I felt a little better. I was less grumpy. I emailed my psych telling her I felt like a pinball and that nothing new happened other than I need to wait, again. She asked what had happened so I told her.

I got really sleepy after I put in the new shoelace thingy for my sneakers. It took me a while to figure out how it was supposed to be. The diagram was not the best. It kind of made the sneaker tight but it should loosen, I hope. I kept the laces just in case I don’t like it. I don’t know if I can put my AFO in the sneaker with these thingys. I will find out on Monday.