Tag: chronic pain

counting down toward baseball 11 days

by Midnight Demon, posted in baseball, Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

My ankle has been hurting me most of the day. I woke up at 6 in pain, managed to go back to sleep and got up around 1400. I made coffee and walking was difficult. Any weight that I put on my ankle made it hurt more. I had some cookies as I didn’t know what to eat. I was watching the game. It was the top of the 5th and they scored soon as my coffee was done. YAY! My “boyfriend” Benny Biceps (Andrew Benintendi) scored a home run. I decided to make some boiled eggs and toast before going back to my room.

My mother wanted me to look up some cleaning machine on my computer. I told her the price and I guess it was too high as she didn’t say anything else. I don’t know why she wants another one. She bought one for the kitchen floor that she has yet to use. I don’t get it. She has bought several sets of pans that are on the porch. Guess she is waiting for the ones we use every day to fall apart before we can use them. I don’t know. They are the copper ones they show on TV. I used one of them while making the beef for Manwich. It was good as things didn’t stick to it. I might use the smaller pan when I make scrambled eggs.

I am so exhausted from being in pain. It is draining the fuck out of me. My psychiatrist never responded to the email I sent her about what the pain doc said. I have no idea if my PCP has contacted her or what. I hate that I am not being included in the conversation. It IS my life they are talking about and MY care. I hate that this is just dragging on. I am still going to go through with my plan. I will make phone calls tomorrow, though that is giving me anxiety. I hate talking to people on the phone. I rather text or email. I know it will be a few transfers to get a hold of someone that is in charge of getting my pension and what to do with it. I also know that once I start the process, there is no looking back. I know I don’t have to do this but I can’t stand being in pain 24/7 anymore.

When my check comes in this month, I plan on ordering my books so I can give them to the libraries. I want my hometown to have a couple of copies and the idiot town I live in, even though I hate this city very bad. I also need to get my spare phone fixed. No point in getting new glasses. HA, one less expense, though I currently am hating the pair I have right now. I should make a list of all that I need to do. I have two places I want to eat at before I go.

Even though my feet have been under the blankets the past two hours, they are ice fricken cold. It’s kind of cold in my room. For some reason, the heat only goes on at night, least in my room anyway. I don’t mind it being cold so long as my nose doesn’t get cold. Then I need heat. But my feet are different. I need to put on thermals and I just don’t want to be bothered. Damn, heat is making a liar out of me as it just kicked on! Fucker. LOL Must have knew I was talking about it.

Sox won 2-1. 11 days till Opening Day. I cannot fricken wait!! Seems like forever since I last heard or watched a night game. The spring training has been meh. Nothing exciting except one catcher that has done really well. I don’t know who will be staying or going. I guess that will be happening sometime within the week.

My choices are becoming clearer

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

My choices are becoming clearer

I thought my PCP was understanding in how I was using my medication. He was taking notes on how I was using it and I thought he was okay with it. As what I am using right now is not the count that can last me the 28 days, I am frequently running low on meds by the time of my next refill. I sent him an email saying that I would like a count increase and that is when he says he can’t do it. Fucker! I feel so damn upset that yet another doc is refusing to help me with my pain. It is making suicide a lot easier to pull off.

I was really cold, again, today. I took a nap after made some breakfast/lunch. I had made coffee but it didn’t help to warm me or keep me awake. I was again up in the middle of the night and had shit sleep. I woke up feeling really hot and sweaty. I was having a dream about some female actresses that was just weird. I woke up and my foot and ankle were throbbing. I missed my dose because I was sleeping. I took a pill when I got up. Now I am cold again.

I’m going back to bed soon. I am going to find my will tomorrow and make some changes. I am also going to leave a note for my family saying that they should consider suing my PCP’s office for their neglect of my pain. I hate to bring the law into this but malpractice is malpractice. I am not getting the level of care that I need and am just being blown off.

Nor’Easter number??

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Nor’Easter number ?

We have had so many storms in the last few weeks that I have lost count which number this is. It is bad. I took a pic when I came down to the kitchen at noon and one of the screen doors was half covered in snow and the bottom was just a huge pile of snow that had drifted that end of the house. Surprisingly, I haven’t been in as much pain as I was yesterday. I was up most of the night, fighting nausea and then got really bad indigestion. I need to get some Mylanta the next time I go to Walgreens. I ran out and keep forgetting to grab it.

I made coffee with my new French press. I was so tired when I was making it that when it was time to pour the coffee, I didn’t know how. HAHA There is a lever now. My old one just had a screen that you turned. I love this new one. I made Kopelani coffee. It was good with caramel notes and like the guy at Starbucks said, a little smokey. I was glad it wasn’t overpowering. I drank half of it and got hungry so I made some boiled eggs. I wanted to make bacon but I didn’t have the energy for it. After I finished the eggs I went up to my room. I was so fricken cold, down to my bones. I felt like I was never going to get warm again. I was tired so decided to take a nap. I was just drifting off when my mother began calling me, telling me dinner was ready. I wasn’t hungry. I wanted sleep dammit! God she is so annoying! She heated up some beef stew that she made months ago.

I’m still not hungry. I could go back to sleep but decided to write for a bit. My ankle was kind of cramping when I woke up from my nap. It was hurting so I took a pain med. I wanted to read today but I don’t have the brain to do it. I might make some orange spice tea and just play on my phone. I’ve been on Facebook most of the day. A lot of people have been posting in my CRPS group. Makes the time goes by talking to my support friends.

My psychiatrist rescheduled my appt for tomorrow so I don’t have to go out. I will see her on Friday. Not sure what the city is gonna look like after the storm. It’s really bad with all the snow. In yesterday’s mail, I got a thing from my student loans. I get a piece of mail from them every few months. This one was telling me the interest rate was changing. I think there is an error because it went from 2.85% to 328%! I meant to call today but I forgot. I will call tomorrow. I also need to change my name with them

daylight savings time mess

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Daylight savings time mess

I slept nearly every two hours the whole night. I gave up around 6 and had something to eat then tried again and was successful. I slept the whole day! I woke up slightly a few time, but I mostly stayed asleep until 1615. I took my pain meds and then went downstairs to make something to eat.

My brother in law got me rolls instead of hamburger buns. It was okay. I made the Manwich and it came out good. Now I have a quick meal the rest of the week. I decided to shower after I ate as my pain was still pretty low but creeping up. As I was in the shower for a few minutes, there was this awful noise and the pipes were vibrating. I moved this lever thing and that stopped the noise but by the end of the shower, I was losing water pressure. My mother and brother in law heard the noise. I told my mother what had happened and she said she would call the plumber tomorrow.

My foot was not a happy camper by the time I dried off and got dressed. I filled the pill box for the week and that made it more angry. I am going to put some diclofenac gel on it to see if that helps calm it down some. I really don’t want to take the strong pain pill unless I have to. I had to take 3 yesterday to control my pain. I don’t want to get constipated again. That was awful as with my nerve injury, it is very easy to get backed up. I also can’t take senna a few nights this week because I have appts.

I read Facebook and looks like another fricken storm is coming over the next few days. That would explain why I was hurting so bad yesterday. I am going to be hurting the next few days as the snow is going to start tomorrow and end fricken Wed! I hope I can see my psychiatrist Wed but it will depend on what the roads are like and how bad the snow is. If they call for a snow emergency, I might reschedule.

Sometime during my Painsomnia, I wrote about stuff I wanted to discuss with my PCP tomorrow. I see him in the morning so I hope the snow doesn’t start then. I canceled my appt with my therapist for the afternoon. It would be too much for me to have two appts in one day at different locations.

I read some of 1984 last night to try and distract from the pain. I really hope something like that doesn’t happen to the US due to Cheeto’s stupidity and paranoia. I heard he is still trying to campaign for 2020. Idiot doesn’t realize how stupid that is. He can barely manage this presidency! I might not be around then anyways. All decisions will be made by Friday. Just hope my pain is better by then.