Tag: chronic pain

another day of chronicity

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Another day of Chronicity

I had to pick up my prescription, even though it was ordered wrong, I decided to get it. I also needed some other things at Walgreens and so did my mother. I should have taken the rolling bag that I usually use but I used a handbag instead. Huge mistake. By the time I got to the end of the block, my back was aching me. The stuff I had was not heavy. I mean how heavy could 4 boxes of tissues and a thing of juice really be? Plus I had to be careful of my steps because there were parts that weren’t shoveled. I ended up walking in the street most of the way home, being mindful to look up every so often so I didn’t get hit by a car. I had only worn a heavy sweatshirt and I was sweating big time by the time I came home. I had to change my shirt as it was wet. My back was killing me and I couldn’t wait to rest on my bed.

I think I got a cold sore on my lip and it hurts. I have tried several different lip balms but it won’t go away. Guess I am going to have to wait it out. My foot is thanking me kindly for going to Walgreens. I wasn’t going to go but I am almost out of Neurontin so I needed to get my prescription. I wanted to email my neuro and tell her she called it in wrong but I didn’t. I’ll just take lump sums of the 300 mg capsules when I need them rather than taking less pills with the 600 mg tabs. I really am disgusted that my neuro didn’t read my email to change the script.

I had to deal with a troll on Twitter today. I had sent an article about the EFFECT of crisis response plans vs safety contracts. NO where in the article did it say the effectiveness or effective nature of safety contracts. So this bozo, who I have dealt with before, says “should ‘effective’ and safety contract be used in the same sentence”? That wasn’t the scope of the article!! Then I pointed that out to him, after he caused memes and gifs, and other conversations. No response, as usual. I did get a like for pointing out the difference. But everyone else ignored me. Figures. I am having a friend get the article for me as I am not paying $35 for the article. He goes to psych grad school so can get it easily. I need it for my library.

I got an email from my psychiatrist. It was about a group dealing with chronic pain and she was wondering if I was interested in joining. I just sent an email to the interested party and I hope I get a response. I also left a message with a potential new therapist that my friend gave me. I was kind of nervous so it was terrible. I hate leaving messages. I haven’t received a call back yet. I hope I do. I might send her another email as she didn’t respond to the first one. I am really missing having someone to talk to every week. I like talking to my psych every week but we don’t focus on things and it’s not really therapy.

When I see my psych this Friday, I am going to ask her to see if going up on the Zoloft would help me. I have been in a low mood and wonder if increasing the med might help me feel better and not be so destructive when I have a flare up. I hate increasing it but if it will help, I will be for it. It’s been months since my last increase. I just hope I don’t get side effects of an increased dose. That wouldn’t be good. I know my psych is worried about me because I have been seeing her every week since January. Usually I see her every 2-3 weeks. But with the whole no therapy, she has been my sole support. I miss my therapist. I hope the therapist I called today has openings or I will be really sad.

Random 813

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

I woke up from another nap, feeling wicked hot. I changed the settings on my fan to what they were before. I thought a lower setting would keep me cool but nope. It didn’t. I am back to a medium setting. My pain was acting up so I took some more pain meds. Then I “woke” up and can’t seem to settle down so I took a Benadryl. I have been using them more rather than taking Ativan because it works fast and knocks me out for at least 4-6 hours.

I started reading Twitter on my phone. It was making me laugh and be serious, because of the idiocy of Trump. People are really creative when it comes to memes and stuff. That is what makes me laugh. I do have a wicked bad feeling Trump is going to cause a war. It might not be soon, unless he gets impeached, but I have a feeling it will be while he is in office. He is just alienating a lot of countries. And they don’t like it. I just hope I figure out a way to die before the war starts.

I am really tired but I can’t seem to fall back to sleep. Pain isn’t helping. My damn toes are hurting me. There is nothing that I can really do except wait for the pain meds to kick in. I feel like having the last slice of cake but then I would have to clean the dish and I don’t want to. I’ll have my mother do it tomorrow, hahaha.

Starbucks has come out with a new coffee from Guatemala. It’s supposed to have cocoa notes and an aroma of orange. I think I will try it. I haven’t had a clover coffee in a while since my Brazil coffee went out of stock. I miss that coffee. It was so good. I will have the clover coffee and then my espresso over ice. I know it’s going to be a long day Tuesday because I will be in the ER most of the day.

I had to call Sprint yesterday because they still didn’t take off the charge of $200 on my account from when I lost my phone. The guy gave me a confirmation number saying that it should take about 7 days to clear out. Right now my bill is almost “delinquent” because I haven’t paid them this money. I am not going to because the money should have been taken off. Bums. I am not paying it.

The weather people are unsure how much snow we are going to get tomorrow so the basic idea it to make sure you have milk and bread. Why these items have become a staple during a snow storm, I have no idea.

Random 477

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

I didn’t do anything today. I woke up late and ordered food. Pain was bad but not as bad as last night. I took my meds and waited for the food to get here. It was good and then I went back up to my room. I had started writing a blog but then I fell asleep. I just couldn’t keep my eyes open. I took a nap.

I am in a better mood than I was before the nap. Everything was annoying me. I am tired of being in pain. That is the bottom line. I am wiped out. I have no more energy to deal. I am completely depleted. I just want to die because I just can’t face another day of pain. Tomorrow there is going to be a blizzard. I am not looking forward to it.

I still need to pack for the hospital. I will do it tomorrow, if I feel like it. I took my meds when I woke up and then had a piece of pumpkin cake. I have two slices left. I love this cake. My psych hasn’t written to me about it so I am guessing she hasn’t retrieved it from her office. I hope it is still there come Monday.

It’s been hot and cold in my room all day. I shut the fan off and within a half hour, it’s hot again. I turn it back on and I get cold. UGH, I am so frustrated. I hope the hospital temperatures are at an even keel but you never know. The door has to be open so that sucks. I can’t really sleep unless it’s closed but they don’t allow that for checks. I’m not looking forward to going in. Maybe I just overreacted and don’t need to be in at all. But I think I will feel safer if I am in the hospital than not when another flare up occurs.

Early rising and then crashing

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Early rising and then crashing

I woke up around 6 and was really hungry. I had taken some more Neurontin around 0200 and was still feeling the effects of it. I was kind of woozy but still okay to get up and make breakfast. I made oatmeal pancakes and coffee. I was hoping the coffee would keep me awake but no chance. I finished my coffee and then fell back to sleep. I didn’t wake up until my mother called me around 1245. I was kind of grumpy but I had to go to the bathroom really bad so it kind of worked out.

She called because she needed me to go to the website to check for a recall on a dehumidifier unit that we have. It turns out that it is being recalled. To prove it, I got to take some pictures and then upload it to the website. Pain in the ass. It’s snowing pretty good and the wind is horrible so I will do it tomorrow.

I plan on making my pumpkin cake today. I have been dying to make it but pain has been the chief determent. I feel pretty good right now, despite going up and down the stairs a few times for the stupid dehumidifier unit bullshit. My ankle isn’t angry with me but my back is sore. It was sore while I was making pancakes so I had to sit a few times to mix the batter and then while they cooked. Damn weather is causing me a lot of pain. I don’t know when the snow is going to stop as I haven’t seen the weather report or paid much attention to it.

I emailed my psychiatrist that I would be bringing her a treat tomorrow so that is kind of an incentive for me to make the cake. I am waiting for the cool whip to thaw a bit before I make it. I should have taken it out last night but I wasn’t thinking. It’s kind of warm in the kitchen so I hope it thaws in the next couple of hours. I don’t think it will take that long but you never know.

Someone from Cornell University got in touch with me via Twitter about doing a pain study. They will be calling me via Skype in a half hour or so. I am kind of nervous about it. It’s supposed to be between a half hour and an hour long. I guess it depends on how fast the questions go. They want to know how chronic pain and social media helps you or something like that. They will give you a $10 Amazon gift card after participating. Not much but at least it’s something. I wasn’t going to do it because they were going to audio record the session. I don’t like recordings so I told them that and they said I don’t have to have the recording. So that is cool. I wish I could use my laptop for the session but there is something wrong with my microphone so I need to use my phone. I hope no one calls me. Whenever I need to use my phone for something, someone always calls me. I hate that.