Tag: chronic pain

dreary day despite the sun

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Dreary day despite the sun

I have been in a depressed mood for most of the day. This pain is getting to me in an awful way. Then my settings on my word doc got changed while copying and pasting a blog and I haven’t been able to get them right. I have no idea what I did. I figured out how to fix it but I have to do it on each document. Frustrating. I will google the settings later.

I went to the pharmacy to pick up my prescriptions. I also got a bag of chocolates. Then I got reprimanded by the pharmacy tech for not buying the 75% off chocolates. I don’t like Russel Stovers and besides, it not like my foot will allow me to shop. Just ring up my purchase and I will be on my way, thank you. She kept on going on and on until a line formed behind me. Bitch. I usually get along with this person but from now on, I will just use the front registers for my purchases other than meds.

I was sweating by the time I came home so I decided to take a shower. I was risking it but I didn’t care. I needed to shower. I felt better afterwards. As I was coming up the stairs, my phone was ringing. My sister had called me. I called her back and she said she was with my mother at the hospital to get her foot checked out. As they were going to the car, she noticed my mother was off and looked hypo. Sure enough, her sugar was 31. It took a little bit to get her sugar back up to normal. So my sister had to stay another two hours at the hospital. She wanted me to feed her daughter. I was hungry myself as I had nothing to eat all day, so I made us some eggs.

I got a craving for ice cream so I put it on my grocery order for tomorrow. I tried to keep it under $100 but I never seem to be able to do this. I was able to get a $5 off my order though, so that is something. I had to get my bacon because both my mother and I like it so much. She cooks it more than I do but she leaves a few pieces of it for me. I haven’t been able to make my bacon sandwiches because of the pain I have been in. I am going to try this weekend. I just need one thing to make me feel like a human again. Even if I end up in bed the rest of the weekend, at least I tried. I haven’t been able to make my pancakes. That is a bummer for me because I love pancakes and I am usually full for the rest of the day.

This talk about food is making me hungry again. If my foot wasn’t hurting, I’d go to the sub shop and get a pastrami sub. I hate not being able to walk. It really sucks! I’m going to rummage through the freezer to see if there are hot dogs. I stole some bread from my sister’s place as we are out right now. My mother hasn’t done her food shopping in a while so we are down to the bare necessities.

suffering once again

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Suffering once again

I woke up from a weird dream and had to use the bathroom. My foot exploded soon as I came back to room. I had to call my PCP to make an appointment to see what can be done for my pain but the office wasn’t open yet. I took my regular pain meds and waited a half hour. When I finally got through to my PCP’s office, he didn’t have any openings for this week. So I get to see him next week to discuss my pain. I emailed my psych and let her know. She was worried about me as she called me late last night because I didn’t answer the email she sent me.

I got a week before my appointment. It’s in the early morning so that is going to be fun. I don’t do well in early morning appointments but it was the only one that he had so I took it. I’ll just try and load up on caffeine before the appointment.

I am feeling pretty low so I am just going to stay in bed most of the day. I don’t care. I do have to go to Walgreens to pick up my scripts. I can pick them up in the afternoon. My foot is too sore to make a trip outside right now. I just took a Benadryl to get back to sleep. I’m still debating on taking a strong pain pill, but I will hold off for now. I might take it later this afternoon after my nap if it’s still throbbing.

feeling frustrated due to pain

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Feeling frustrated due to pain

I had another flare up of pain. I had touched the area that hurts and then while climbing into bed, I must have put too much pressure on my ankle. I got so frustrated and immediately felt suicidal so I emailed my psychiatrist that I was done but I didn’t want to go to the hospital. She felt like I needed to be and wanted me on a med/psych unit where she works. We have been talking about this for weeks and I still haven’t been admitted to this unit so I was ticked off that she suggested it yet again. I didn’t respond to the email and I am not going to.

Before dinner, I took a strong pain pill. Well it’s not several hours later and it wore off so I had to take another one. I haven’t moved my bowels since Friday. I took some fiber pills and magnesium to help move things along. It’s getting harder for me to have a movement. Got to love constipation.

I just feel like I am telling people about my pain but instead of them being understanding or being sympathetic, I am getting why not do this or that. That isn’t what I want to hear right now. It’s not what I need to hear.

it’s late so of course I am up

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

It’s late so of course I am up

I was up late talking to a friend of mine that was going through some stuff that had to do with my condition that I deal with. It was good talking to her and though my body is desperately wanting to sleep, my head and my neck is saying, You’re funny, not happening. My neck is filled with tension and I can’t seem to massage it out. I also can’t seem to find a comfortable position with my pillow because of this tension. UGH.

My nephew called me and asked if he could spend the night. I let him in and found out he had smoked some weed and it landed him in the ER because it caused some unpleasant side effects. This isn’t the first time this has happened. Why he continues to smoke the shit is beyond my thinking. I think he get a vasospasm in his neck and that just causes him to panic, hence his trip to the ER. Silly kid. So now I am kind of worried about him, which is also keeping me up.

I bought Neil Gaiman’s latest book, Norse Mythology. OMG brain overload! So much information and words that I can’t pronounce! And I only read a few pages in the first chapter! It’s fascinating but OMG this is going to take some studying and processing. Needless to say, it opened my brain more than caused me to shut it off. Wrong book to read at this hour. Should have picked a psychology book to read. I have three of those lying around waiting to be read.

If I could kill my radiator, I probably would do it right now. It’s been hissing up a storm every hour or so and each time it does, it scares the crap out of me. My PTSD hasn’t had a chance to recover. I keep telling myself it’s the damn radiator and I am safe but I get scared and it doesn’t work. So I freak out until the next hissing. Fun. Another reason I can’t sleep.

I’m so very tired but my brain just won’t shut down. I wish I had a switch like my laptop does. That would be so wonderful. I am going to try and lie down one more time to see if Morpheus will find me. Otherwise, I will go back to Odin and Thor and see what I can get from them.