Tag: chronic pain

suffering once again

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Suffering once again

I woke up from a weird dream and had to use the bathroom. My foot exploded soon as I came back to room. I had to call my PCP to make an appointment to see what can be done for my pain but the office wasn’t open yet. I took my regular pain meds and waited a half hour. When I finally got through to my PCP’s office, he didn’t have any openings for this week. So I get to see him next week to discuss my pain. I emailed my psych and let her know. She was worried about me as she called me late last night because I didn’t answer the email she sent me.

I got a week before my appointment. It’s in the early morning so that is going to be fun. I don’t do well in early morning appointments but it was the only one that he had so I took it. I’ll just try and load up on caffeine before the appointment.

I am feeling pretty low so I am just going to stay in bed most of the day. I don’t care. I do have to go to Walgreens to pick up my scripts. I can pick them up in the afternoon. My foot is too sore to make a trip outside right now. I just took a Benadryl to get back to sleep. I’m still debating on taking a strong pain pill, but I will hold off for now. I might take it later this afternoon after my nap if it’s still throbbing.

feeling frustrated due to pain

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Feeling frustrated due to pain

I had another flare up of pain. I had touched the area that hurts and then while climbing into bed, I must have put too much pressure on my ankle. I got so frustrated and immediately felt suicidal so I emailed my psychiatrist that I was done but I didn’t want to go to the hospital. She felt like I needed to be and wanted me on a med/psych unit where she works. We have been talking about this for weeks and I still haven’t been admitted to this unit so I was ticked off that she suggested it yet again. I didn’t respond to the email and I am not going to.

Before dinner, I took a strong pain pill. Well it’s not several hours later and it wore off so I had to take another one. I haven’t moved my bowels since Friday. I took some fiber pills and magnesium to help move things along. It’s getting harder for me to have a movement. Got to love constipation.

I just feel like I am telling people about my pain but instead of them being understanding or being sympathetic, I am getting why not do this or that. That isn’t what I want to hear right now. It’s not what I need to hear.

it’s late so of course I am up

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

It’s late so of course I am up

I was up late talking to a friend of mine that was going through some stuff that had to do with my condition that I deal with. It was good talking to her and though my body is desperately wanting to sleep, my head and my neck is saying, You’re funny, not happening. My neck is filled with tension and I can’t seem to massage it out. I also can’t seem to find a comfortable position with my pillow because of this tension. UGH.

My nephew called me and asked if he could spend the night. I let him in and found out he had smoked some weed and it landed him in the ER because it caused some unpleasant side effects. This isn’t the first time this has happened. Why he continues to smoke the shit is beyond my thinking. I think he get a vasospasm in his neck and that just causes him to panic, hence his trip to the ER. Silly kid. So now I am kind of worried about him, which is also keeping me up.

I bought Neil Gaiman’s latest book, Norse Mythology. OMG brain overload! So much information and words that I can’t pronounce! And I only read a few pages in the first chapter! It’s fascinating but OMG this is going to take some studying and processing. Needless to say, it opened my brain more than caused me to shut it off. Wrong book to read at this hour. Should have picked a psychology book to read. I have three of those lying around waiting to be read.

If I could kill my radiator, I probably would do it right now. It’s been hissing up a storm every hour or so and each time it does, it scares the crap out of me. My PTSD hasn’t had a chance to recover. I keep telling myself it’s the damn radiator and I am safe but I get scared and it doesn’t work. So I freak out until the next hissing. Fun. Another reason I can’t sleep.

I’m so very tired but my brain just won’t shut down. I wish I had a switch like my laptop does. That would be so wonderful. I am going to try and lie down one more time to see if Morpheus will find me. Otherwise, I will go back to Odin and Thor and see what I can get from them.

another day of chronicity

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Another day of Chronicity

I had to pick up my prescription, even though it was ordered wrong, I decided to get it. I also needed some other things at Walgreens and so did my mother. I should have taken the rolling bag that I usually use but I used a handbag instead. Huge mistake. By the time I got to the end of the block, my back was aching me. The stuff I had was not heavy. I mean how heavy could 4 boxes of tissues and a thing of juice really be? Plus I had to be careful of my steps because there were parts that weren’t shoveled. I ended up walking in the street most of the way home, being mindful to look up every so often so I didn’t get hit by a car. I had only worn a heavy sweatshirt and I was sweating big time by the time I came home. I had to change my shirt as it was wet. My back was killing me and I couldn’t wait to rest on my bed.

I think I got a cold sore on my lip and it hurts. I have tried several different lip balms but it won’t go away. Guess I am going to have to wait it out. My foot is thanking me kindly for going to Walgreens. I wasn’t going to go but I am almost out of Neurontin so I needed to get my prescription. I wanted to email my neuro and tell her she called it in wrong but I didn’t. I’ll just take lump sums of the 300 mg capsules when I need them rather than taking less pills with the 600 mg tabs. I really am disgusted that my neuro didn’t read my email to change the script.

I had to deal with a troll on Twitter today. I had sent an article about the EFFECT of crisis response plans vs safety contracts. NO where in the article did it say the effectiveness or effective nature of safety contracts. So this bozo, who I have dealt with before, says “should ‘effective’ and safety contract be used in the same sentence”? That wasn’t the scope of the article!! Then I pointed that out to him, after he caused memes and gifs, and other conversations. No response, as usual. I did get a like for pointing out the difference. But everyone else ignored me. Figures. I am having a friend get the article for me as I am not paying $35 for the article. He goes to psych grad school so can get it easily. I need it for my library.

I got an email from my psychiatrist. It was about a group dealing with chronic pain and she was wondering if I was interested in joining. I just sent an email to the interested party and I hope I get a response. I also left a message with a potential new therapist that my friend gave me. I was kind of nervous so it was terrible. I hate leaving messages. I haven’t received a call back yet. I hope I do. I might send her another email as she didn’t respond to the first one. I am really missing having someone to talk to every week. I like talking to my psych every week but we don’t focus on things and it’s not really therapy.

When I see my psych this Friday, I am going to ask her to see if going up on the Zoloft would help me. I have been in a low mood and wonder if increasing the med might help me feel better and not be so destructive when I have a flare up. I hate increasing it but if it will help, I will be for it. It’s been months since my last increase. I just hope I don’t get side effects of an increased dose. That wouldn’t be good. I know my psych is worried about me because I have been seeing her every week since January. Usually I see her every 2-3 weeks. But with the whole no therapy, she has been my sole support. I miss my therapist. I hope the therapist I called today has openings or I will be really sad.