Tag: complex regional pain syndrome

in a flare

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

In a flare

I woke up around 7 in pain. Took some pain meds and Neurontin as I wanted to sleep. I set my alarm as I had my grocery delivery coming at 1500. About an hour later, I went back to sleep. I woke up just before my alarm went off. I was still in pain but it was manageable. I needed coffee to get the cobwebs out of my brain. I decided to make my Hawaiian Ka’u. It came out stronger than I thought. For some reason, even though I measure the water in my mug, water just evaporates and I am left with less water. I have been using Poland Spring water to make my coffee because our tea kettle has rust on the bottom of it. My mother doesn’t want to part with it.

I was hungry so I made cereal, drank my coffee, had some chips, and then made half a salami and cheese sandwich. My foot was hurting but it was tolerable. My mother wanted potatoes and hot dogs for supper so I prepared the potatoes. I had fun chopping them up with the cleaver knife. By the time I was done, my mother was ready to cook them. She wanted me to slice up the hot dogs so I did that. While I was peeling the potatoes my groceries came. I didn’t order much so there wasn’t too much to put away. I bought some small figlets. They are figs and were really good.

I went to my room while my mother was cooking to give my ankle a rest. It was becoming intolerable. I took a strong pain pill to try to control the pain. Then I had dinner and had to go downstairs so my niece could eat the meal. I was really hurting by the time I went back upstairs. I read Twitter and found that today is the 13th birthday of a Rascal Flatts album, Feels Like Today. I knew I had it so I downloaded it to my phone and am listening to it now. I really like this album. By the time I was ready to write my blog, my damn foot and ankle flared up. I am in so much pain right now. I can take my regular pain meds in an hour. I could take another strong pain pill but it will make me dopey as I just took one not too long ago.

I don’t know how PT is going to help me with the pain. The PT I saw the other day said that I sort of need to retrain the brain as it’s all it can think about and it causes my pain more than my ankle/foot itself. Whatever. I just know that I hurt NOW and there is nothing I can do about it but write about it and swear. I didn’t leave the house today. All my activities were done around the house. I like cooking and baking. But not if it leaves me in agony. WTF. I can’t always rely on take out or my mother cooking something because I don’t have incoming money every week. I like to help my mother doing some of the cooking if I can.

It’s going to be a long night. If I am hurting this bad now, I am not sure if it will get worse or better later. I want to listen to the Sox game tonight. They have 4 games left in the regular season. If they win tonight, they could clinch the AL East title. It would be awesome to hear that as I can’t watch it on TV. My ankle will kill me if I go down the stairs again so I can’t watch the game. I am sad the season is over but the boys are in the post-season playoff games so I can still watch baseball. MLB sent me a link today for Red Sox jackets. I have three, the most expensive was $100. It’s a light but heavy jacket made for the cold New England weather. I can’t wear it if the temps are above 40 degrees or I will overheat. It’s that warm. It is my favorite jacket though. I really don’t need another jacket but there is one that I like that is $75. Maybe next pay period I will get it.

hot day, therapy, and other things

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Hot day, therapy, and other things

I woke up around 0630 in pain. I took some meds and then checked my bank account to see if my check was deposited. It was so I paid some bills and reordered my grocery as I had to cancel the order because of my PT appt yesterday. I just ordered the bare minimum because PeaPod hasn’t yet credited my acct and I didn’t want to spend that much. I’ll just buy what I need at the grocery store if I’m up to it. I might do another order for the stuff I didn’t get but I am hesitant because I want to make sure I have enough money for changing my name in two weeks.

After I paid my bills, I set my alarm and went back to sleep. My mother called me around noon, before my alarm went off. She wanted to know where I was and what I was doing. I’m 41 and still get asked this, every single day! It’s annoying but there is nothing I can do about it. My alarm went off and I didn’t want to get out of bed. I forced myself to and went downstairs to brush my teeth and get ready to go out. My aunt was over again so I exchanged pleasantries. On the way back up to my room, my ankle went out. Not a good sign. Luckily, it wasn’t painful. I limped back up to my room and then took more pain meds. I got dressed and then left the house.

There was construction on the sidewalk. A big machine was blocking my view of the street to see if the bus was coming. Luckily, I got up in time to check and it was coming. When I got on the bus, I ordered my Starbucks and something to eat. I had timed it right for my therapy appt as I only had about a half hour to write in my journal, which kind of sucked. I went to the train station and it was hot as an oven and by the time I got to my therapist’s office, I was sweating. I wished I had brought a facecloth to wipe off the sweat but I wasn’t thinking.

Therapy went well. I thanked him for rescheduling the appt. We talked about what went on yesterday with PT and that I am starting with a PT specialized in CRPS. Then we talked about my father and my suicidality. Yesterday was the first day in about 16 days straight that I didn’t think of wanting to kill myself. We talked about that for a while. Then we talked some more about my father and his death. It was a good session.

I went back to the Square to wait for the bus home. It was late. I was really sweating by the time I reached home. I had to go to Walgreens to pick up my meds. On the way in, I saw one of the pharm tech girls with her dog. It was cute. I think it was a bulldog, my favorite kind of breed, well one of many. She was walking down the street with him the way I had to go. I almost caught up to her when she reached my house but she wasn’t paying attention so I just let her keep walking. My t-shirt was soaked and it was hot in my room. I put the AC on before I dried off and peeled off my shirt. I waited till I cooled down before I put on another shirt. Then I ordered food as my mother didn’t cook anything. She just reheated some soup from the other night.

My therapist said that I needed to do some “fun shit”. I said I don’t have much things that I do. If I make it to Starbucks for the day, then it’s a good day. He said that I should work on doing that more often. I was kind of stunned because I thought he wanted something more but going to Starbucks does make me happy, if for a little while. I need my espresso fix as they no longer have any Clover coffees that I like. I can’t remember the last time I had coffee at Starbucks. I do make it at home as I don’t have an espresso machine. I will never get one of those because I may never leave the house again.

Great News

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Great news!! PT went well. She listened and knew what I was talking about. She is going to refer me to the brace clinic so I can have one for around the house rather than use my AFO. She said because I had CRPS for so long she is not sure therapy can help me get function back but there is a CRPS therapist there that could help. I’m going to try it and as long as it doesn’t flare me up too bad or make things worse I’ll go the 6 visits. She was so understanding of the condition and my past nerve injury. She said if it works great. If it doesn’t oh well. I told her I would like to make a meal where I didn’t have to sit every few minutes or bake in increments because I had to rest. That will be the goal to get me a little more functioning around the house and doing activities that I do. Working is not possible as it is too late for that kind of rehab. I’m excited. l but weary. I have to go see my psychotherapist tomorrow afternoon so I hope I don’t flare tonight from all that she did manipulating my ankle and foot.
The best part is I didn’t have to walk to get there. The bus stops right across the street. Score!!

I am feeling really tired and am in a lot of pain now from everything. I’m glad my mother made supper. She is feeling better. I just hope I don’t need to wash dishes.

I’m now going to be busy with appts all of Oct. If I need to cut down on PT, I can. They don’t want this to cause me more pain. I see the Neuro specialist in 2 wks. Hope he just is able to confirm CRPS so my PCP is happy. The week of the 9th is going to be nuts because Tues i have my name change at the courthouse, Wed PT, Thurs is my physical, and then PT again on Fri. I might skip Fri because it will be too much. We’ll see.

I tried fixing my laptop screen, thinking it was a loose connection but it wasn’t. It is a little better than it was yesterday so that is good. Now I just need to buy a new screen as I know I don’t have to remove all the parts of my laptop. I’m glad I have computer friends on Facebook.

I found one of the payment forms for my insurance to call the benefits office to find out if they will be carrying the same prescription plan. The number on it didn’t work so I had to email my former supervisor to get the correct number. He responded while I was traveling so I will call tomorrow. Open enrollment will be soon. I wonder how much more I will be paying for my insurance. Right now I am paying $171/month plus Medicare which is $104/month. This doesn’t include copays for appts or medications.

I emailed my psych about today’s news and asked her to send me a time for an appt. I was supposed to see her Friday but was in too much pain to get out of bed. It was a crappy day out that day anyway so I am glad I cancelled. Hope I can sleep at a decent hour and that I am not up all night in pain. It will suck.

going fucking nuts in my own house

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Going fucking nuts in my own house

Since last night, I have been keeping an ear open for my mother should she need me. I was up half the night in pain so that kind of made it easier. I knew I would be as even though I wasn’t on my feet a lot, I wasn’t elevated my leg like I normally would be on a Sunday. I finally got to sleep between 0230 and 0300. I woke up around 0700. I checked on my mother and she was still sleeping. I couldn’t go back to sleep so I just paid some bills as my check came in and ordered groceries.

I tried to go back to sleep after that but no go. I then got hungry so I went downstairs. My mother had already got up and made herself breakfast. I was waiting for my aunt to come over the house to let her in. I made my breakfast and was finishing up when she called me. It’s been a nuthouse since. My aunt likes to “yell” talk but she does it in an excited way that makes you think she is yelling at you. This is how she talks to my mother and when my mother argues with her, which has been happening all day, she yells louder.

I ordered a steak tip dinner for lunch and she gave me a look like it was the rottenest thing in the world that I did. Then my cousin, who sees me come up the stairs and in the kitchen says “oh I thought you weren’t getting around too good”. It was the first time in more than a week I’ve been out of my bed. I’m in pain and the shower I took hurt my back terribly. He doesn’t care though, only when he needs me to bring up my mother’s shopping. As I was having lunch, my mother and aunt were watching some program, together, and she is saying look at that, look at that in her loud voice. WTF are you kidding me? My mother isn’t more than 2 feet away from you and is watching the same damn show on the same television so of course she is seeing what you are you idiot!! I wish I didn’t change my therapy appt for this afternoon. I would have left the house to this nut.

I got to find the envelope that holds my insurance payment from my benefits office. I need to call them to see if they are still going to carry Caremark for their prescription service as it now affects me. Open benefits will be happening soon so they may change. If they are keeping it, I need to call my insurance and see if their new policy of opioids is going to give me a headache in the new year. It’s really stressing me out because if I can’t get my pain meds, I am screwed. And when the new year starts, I will have to pay for my meds. I don’t want to pay double for my pain meds because it started a new policy that is completely bullshit.

Crap. The PT place just called me back after playing phone tag. The good news is I have an appt tomorrow. Bad news is that it is now in an area where my father was living in so it’s bringing up all sorts of memories. I’m not sure what they are going to do to help me or if therapy can help me, if going to that area is right for me. It is a ways from the station. I’ll have to get off at the Stop and Shop stop and then walk from there as I’m not sure there is a bus that goes by there. When I left my father’s apartment for the last time, I never thought I would go near that area or train station or have to take that bus ever again. Hope I’m not triggered too badly tomorrow.